I've never seen Jurrassic World @outlander, but whatever gives you comfort and a break from all the buzz in your head and body is a welcome relief. There is a place for comfort behaviours, of course hopefully they don't get in the way of functioning too often, but we still need to zone out at times and change gears.
I'm not surprised that you had/have friends much older than you. Certain life experiences take more than innocence away, and being amongst peers can be very lonely if their life experiences are so vastly different to your own.
You feel like you don't fit in, and they could never understand. In some instances this may be very true, but as the years roll by, people will come back after going through a dramatic life event, and try and connect with you, and say "I was so ignorant at the time to what you are experiencing, but I have more understanding now".
I'm not trying to suggest that there is a silver lining to CSA or any other trauma or grief, that would be absurd, but people will seek your wisdom & lived experience along life's journey Outlander. Every one craves someone to look up to. We need to know that we can make it through the pain too.
Even coming to terms with the losses of having a mental health condition is huge, and you have one that is highly stigmatised, and it makes it that much harder for you. There was a young man on the ward, must of been about 19, and I felt so, so sorry for him. People frame their mental illness to themselves in ways they find make it more accepting and palatable, but they can inadvertently invalidate other people with the same diagnosis who have zero trauma history. If someone with borderline personality disorder introduces themselves with a "trauma diagnosis" and gives this great big speel about only having a MI because of what happened, a childhood trauma, and that is the only reason they are in here with us Muppets, people can find that very upsetting and insulting and it just feeds the shame. This poor guy just spiralled, and lots of people with BPD haven't had dramatic traumas, but they still have the condition.
I guess some people have to tell themselves that it was circumstances that brought them here and nothing built in that contributed to it, because accepting that they are just one of us, is too much for them.
I had a patient with PTSD say to me that it was %100 the events & trauma that gave him his MI, and thats it, no other contributing factors. Its interesting how other people think. I guess because MI has been on both sides and crossed generations that I think differently to someone that doesn't have a strong family history.
I hope that you are out of the wind @outlander . There are some wonderful rain clouds and the birds are circling in the sky,
Corn Cobber xx
Wishing you some peace in you day
