Morning @Corny
Knowing you're thinking of me is comforting; thankyou. Back atcha lovely. When you click with someone, it helps to ease worrisome times even when distance keeps us at bay.
I remember my bubble well; it saved me from myself as well as the outside world and was a necessary component during the early years of recovery.
Your situation seems overwhelmingly detached. I really feel for you as touch, conversation first thing in the morning and a shoulder to lean on make a world of difference. (And you're right about 'couples' not comprehending this concept). I rely on this forum each a.m. to fill at least one of those gaps and open the house no matter the weather to hear the sounds of nature. This grounds me for the day...
Friendship? I don't have friends as such; too high maintenance. Dealing with myself is a full time job, so there's not much else to share around. Sis #3 is the best friend I've ever had; we only see each other every other month. Familiararity breeds contempt they say; she had a lot to deal with during my days of madness. The fact she still visits is testament to her beautiful qualities.
And as for relationships? Well, you know my history with that. I've come to promote and accept flying solo as my norm than be tormented by what-if's and characters who seek out vulnerability for their own gratification. Nuff said...
I wish I could relay the moment I changed from obsessing over my mental health, to a mindset of simplicity and living in the moment. There've been 'moments' of course, but not one in particular that stands out. A theme would probably be getting out of my head and into my physical body. I wish this for you in so many ways my sweet.
My 'episode' 24 hrs ago was a stark reminder of the illness that has hold of me. Though talking with Lifeline I was grounded, self aware and open to suggestions. The conversation was nice with plenty of empathy and reality. It was my trip down memory lane that provoked heartache; a physical sensation in my chest that required releasing. My body alerts me to unexpressed emotion; she's a friend indeed. Ergo...crying deeply to out that pain.
The term 'mental illness' doesn't express the totality what we endure as it's a physical illness as well. We're 'whole' when it comes to healing; not just a brain and nervous system. That's what's gotten me over the line when it mattered. (It's really not healthy to look behind me anymore)
I'll keep an eye out for the Rainbow Movies as I love going to the cimema. Thanks for the heads up! 
Well, the house and life beckons Cornstar! I see my accountant today. (Breathing deeply) Edging closer to realising my dream.
Love Hope xo 
