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Hi @utopia. I haven’t forgotten to respond. Just tied up riding roller coasters 😳.

Just a question on your last post. What stops you from getting out and finding the stimulation you crave? That comes from a me too place. For me it’s fear of the unknown and fear of not being good enough or maybe being scared I’ll be rejected too.

PS @utopia. My a-ha moment felt a bit flat today. I think the realisation of the work I need to put in to see change has hit me but not deterred me from following it through. It was working through with someone what happens when I hurt someone I care about. We were able to slow it down and break up the parts of my reaction. I discovered that the very first reaction I have which is an immediate apology it ok. It’s what happens after that that gets twisted. I learned I can trust myself for my immediate reaction which comes from wise mind. I mess it up after that as emotions take over and I go into manic fixing mode. For me this has been something that affects me for a long time. I accidentally hurt someone on the forum on Tuesday morning and I’m still carrying and reacting to it. It causes lots of distress for me when I hurt someone from doing something thoughtless. So my hope is I can know work on the parts that are messed up..... so for me hopefully life changing because I think I’ve been doing this for a lifetime.

No it doesn’t sound stuck up. I get it. @utopia The whole point of socialising is to enjoy it and take you out of your head in a positive way, for me that has to be stimulating too.

The fixit mind of mine wants to find an easy solution for you but the empathic person in me is walking in your shoes in real life in a similar way. I get how hard it is. I’m only just beginning to open my eyes again to even begin to see what it will take to start my life again and create a meaningful life. I’m a scared overweight old bag (have 5 yrs on you -am 51 😘, just to one up you 😜). I am broke as anything. I’m sure the only way we can do this is to try to find baby steps and not focus on the future. I’ve been going to psycho social groups for a couple of years which has given me a bit of confidence but has also been helpful to discover what else is in the community. It takes time to do this so don’t be hard on yourself. Maybe as you find confidence opportunities will open up you didn’t know about. I don’t think it’s a bad idea to take a friend to the first session or two to something new. They don’t have to like it but just being there might help. I’m sure she would rather do this and be bored out of her brain but see you inspired and passionate again. This is so easy to type for you but so hard to do I know.

Go easy @utopia. Age is just a number. Just one day at a time is the number you need to work with. Ha throw that one back at me at will 💜🤗

@utopia I hear you about wanting to find like minded stimulating people. I hope the book club works out. We cant rush these things. They take time and you have pretty good instincts for sifting through the issues. Sometimes I find them in choirs, or in folkclubs, at the zoo, or here on this forum!

@Teej Thanks for your 'walking the dog' share and helping me on my roller coaster.

As single mums it really has helped break down my sense if isolation by gradually getting to know you both.

Hi @utopia@Appleblossom@Teej

I have been a single mum too - well - I still am but my kid is starting into her middle years now

But I took her with me with her when I left my husband for a short time when she was early school age and it was really hard with her whining to go back to her father - so eventually I went back for a number of reasons but went on being a single mother with her father living in the house -

Which is just different but lonely - oh yes - I am rarely lonely on my own - but we can please ourselves when we are alone and that makes a difference

I found that the process of separation, property settlement and divorce brought out all the nastiness I didn't know I had - it has all passed off now but I do remember how resentful I was of a man who was so closed off within himself - whether he was depressed or not I will never know

But when it came to having a social life I had one when we separated - I had my own job and my own studies and my own friends and did my own thing after my son had died and my daughter had moved out

But people bringing up their kids alone with no one to pick up the slack - that is really hard - I can't compare that to my lot - I think looking back that I worked it out the best way in the long run -

But who knows - a lot gets forgotten

But the subject is interesting - I felt like jumping in because I am feeling a bit lost and alone myself atm

Dec