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Ups and down @utopia,

yes @Bella1978, it is good having copies with mine, mr shaz and my mum`s papers

18 days no drinking @utopia ..... 🎉

Improved mood ..... 🎉

WTG ❣️

Break things down to their smallest steps @utopia .....

Move the washing closer to the washing machine, even if that is just kicking it all into a pile at the bedroom door .....

Put the plug into the sink and run some hot water in on top of some dishes with a squirt of dishwashing liquid, then walk away from it ......

Pull out a tin or packet of something and eat it right out of the tin or packet ......

Near enough IS good enough when the energy tank is low Hon ..... lower the bar and do 3 itty-bitty things in the day .,... and no judgements over it ..... not you, and not anybody else .....

Hugs n hugs n hugs n hugs ...... ❤️

Heya @utopia. Just read this and wanted to say I know how you feel just now. It is so hard when you are in the depths of it and you feel paralysed and can’t see how it will change. You know I met this amazing strong bull determined person on the forum nearly two years ago. I had and still have heaps of admiration for this person who taught me so much and I adored her a-ha moments. She’s still there and she’s still you, you are just stuck.....very much like me.

I’ve had three whole unstuck days but I have nothing to show for them, in fact I’m probably more behind than anything. The only thing I’ve done and it’s not much to write home about is showered every second day and I have walked my dog for four consecutive days. Now ask me how far I walked him? Tonight was probably 600m. I throw a stick behind me every 20 ish m which means he probably ran 2 or more kms. I strolled more than walked really. The thing is for the past few weeks I had been paralysed and not got out the house for days. I’ve put on so much weight and feeling so unfit that I didn’t think I’d even make it 100m without puffing. Yesterday I started my walk and felt so slow that I thought 80 yr olds would walk faster than me. A little bit further along I thought to my self ' ha I’ve reached 80 yr old speed'. A little bit further along I thought 'hehehe I’d whip those 80 yr olds walking now' (possibly not for some but it made me feel good to think I might 😳). I ended up walking over a km.

I know you can make this. Just find that one little thing to achieve everyday. As I got home tonight I thought about all the time I’ve been frustrated at myself for not doing anything. For me four days is an achievement. Look at the things you are doing. You have a huge goal giving up alcohol but your doing it. That is something to be hugely proud of. When you have an ok day just try to add one thing like a stroll out the house that you can be mindful doing. When I’ve tried to walk lately I’ve had lots of negatives in my head that I can’t do this and what is the point and all I do is live in my head while walking. I’m trying with determination to make this a positive habit of getting out of my head and instead of saying 'well 600m tonight was pitiful and why did I even try, I’m useless' I’m using self talk to say I did it. I got out of the house when I didn’t want to and I got out of my head and that’s a baby step regardless of how far or fast I walked'. I think some utopia is rubbing off on me.

Best wishes, hugs 💜🤗

PS @utopia I had a huge a-ha moment today and thought of you. This one is hopefully a life changing one.

So good to hear you have walked your dog 4 days in a row @Teej. That is a huge achievement. It doesn''t matter how far you walked. You got outside and did it. And your dog had a great time by the sound of it, chasing that stick. So you've done well.

I walked one of my dogs yesterday with my case manager.The plan was to do a small walk today. But when I woke up, I really couldn't be bothered. And when I don't do anything, that's when all that negative self talk comes into play. I hate it. Finding it really hard to shut it up.

I'm entrigued by your AHA moment. What is it? Can you talk about it yet? or do you need to process it first?

Yes 2 years ago, I was doing so well. Had a hospital stay and then worked my butt off to get better. But last year just wore me down and the depression never really left me. Hospital again this year.

Some days I feel okay. Nothing more. And somedays I feel absolutely hopeless and the 'why bother' thoughts take oveer.

Because I was so well last time, I hate it that I can't get well again this time. I just feel like i'm always going to fall over. Fall backwards into depression and never start living life again.

There's lots of things i 'should' do. But I really can't be bothered. Don't want to do anything. Think I sometimes enjoy just being miserable. Which doesn't even make sense.

Have had a headache all day since waking up. Isn't going away with headache tablets and I don't have anythihng stronger than the over the counter stuff. I should have called my mum earlier today, she would have bought me over a med that would take this headache away.

Just whinging. Not even sure why i am writing this at all. Doesn't make me feel any better.

Thanks for your reply though. Hope you have a 5th day of walking tomorrow.

and thank you @Faith-and-Hope for your words. I did go to the supermarket right on closing time and bought a cooked chook and some bread and fed myself and my son some chicken sandwiches.

morning @Faith-and-Hope, @utopia, @Teej