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Thinking of you @utopia

just read your last post....

absolutely horrible place to be ....

you have been there before ...I know that the strongest feeling at the moment is cannot go through this anymore...enough is enough..

listen to the other voice that is being drowned out...the voice that is saying yes you have been here but you know now that you are strong enough to climb back out in your time...paying attention to your body..

your doctor wants you to be recognising and hearing that strong voice there...

yes we do not go back to who we are...but then neither do people without mental illness...every new second of this life we are a new person...we might carry patterned thinking etc...pain...because we aren't yet ready to manage that pain...we are managing climbing back up first..

medication changes play absolute havoc with our systems....emotions...that is why good psychiatrists generally like you to be in hospital under supervision...that is what your doctor is saying...he knows that you are strong enough...just the medication getting in the way at the moment...

try to let the waves wash over you...you are safe....nothing to fight there...

if you were having another serious depressive episode would you just experience numbness...unable to cry? nothingness...? that is what it is like for me...

so do you think that this is not that you have slipped all the way back where you have been before...

this is that medication revving it's motor like that blasted v8..

if everything that I have said makes you feel worse...ignore...remember these are my thoughts..my attempt at offering help...because I know how horrid it is to be in that abyss...

I am here crying with you utopia...does that help the tears flow...let them come....have you got something nice to hold tight to you.. I use my teddy bears...something that grounds you...feels nice...smells familiar...

life is waiting for you my lovely utopia....it is already here waiting...for when you are ready...go carefully..and let those here who have grown to know and love the person you are hold you tight and be here for you...

sitting with you @utopia and sending you tender hugs

How frustrating for you @utopia. First your psych lets you down (hopefully will call back) and then your son.

I know you are doing it really tough right now. I'm guessing that your son's expectations of you are to be the strong one who looks out for him and when they don't measure up, he becomes frustrated. This then translates to annoyance on his part. It comes across as selfish and uncaring and maybe it is but he is confused and can't process the current situation.

He lacks maturity and life experience to realise that we don't live in a perfect world. Don't take his reaction to heart too much even though it must be devastating for you.

My daughter has done and said some dreadful things but I know that deep down she does have a lot of affection for me.

This generation is all about "me, me, me" It is what it is - taking offence by it will tear you apart. Just tell him that you are doing the best you can right now and would appreciate his understanding.

Very inspirational. Thanks for sharing and hope it's going well : )

@utopia I agree with @soul with everything she said. I know how it feels when you feel like there’s nowhere to turn for your kids and you just need a break from them and from the mother guilt that drives depression further and harder.

You are having a sucky day all round. I’m annoyed and frustrated for you that you didn’t get a call back. When you are in the headspace you are in it feels like a kn-ife turning inside you and it feels personal and makes everything seem pointless.

Hang in there @utopia, we are on your side. 💜🤗

@utopia

young adults male or female are notorious for ....what about me?

also I used to always remind myself that my son was not going to be polite to me as he would a friend..acquaintance....I am his mum ..therefore...more open and reactive with me...

I sometimes turned it around and said if I spoke to you like that when you were not feeling yourself how would that make you feel? always got a mumbled answer and many times a sorry...

if you are feeling strong enough...ring back psychiatrist office ...explaining that this is your second call and you were promised a callback either from psychiatrist or secretary...will that be happening today? as this is urgent..

many of us here thinking of you...no need to respond...put you first..