Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

HOME

utopiaSenior Contributor27 Aug 2017, 3:34 pm AEST

HOME

Well I'm finally home (again).
4 hospital stays in 91 days. Wow. No wonder it feels so strange to be in my own house again. Adjusting will take time. Cooking for myself will take time.
My house is in the same condition in which I left it. A pigsty. So no one room has warmth and charm to lift my mood. Will have to slowly start cleaning up - one room at a time.
I did go and watch my son play soccer in the finals. I'd been so sick this year - thst it was the first game I had been to all year. His team lost. But they play again next week. So still stand a chance of playing the grand final.
My son is still living with my mum. Has been since the end of April. Hopefully he will see how much I've improved on my new anti depressants and anti anxiety meds. Then he may choose to come home soon.
Was up and doing the washing early this morning. But now reading a book in bed.
Am very bored. But have AA Meeting tomorrow night.
And I have my WorkCover IME (independent Medical Examination) - psych interview with a tough psychiatric on the 30th of this month. Think it could be on Wednesday. And then I have my much waited for Psychologist appointment. Can't see him when I'm in hospital (too far away).
So that's it for now. A new thread for a new beginning.
@Zoe7 @soul @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Bast @oceangirl @outlander @Former-Member @Teej @BlueBay @Owlunar

2072 replies

571 - 580 of 2,072

1...57 58 59...208

In response to: HOME

utopiaSenior Contributor07 Dec 2017, 11:48 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

Hi @Former-Member. Only a little drizzle since the floods on Saturday morning. So all good here.
Busy tiring day taking mum to hospital. Such a long drive to Melbourne. But they still can't find what's wrong with her. Just keep eliminating what its not.
How have you been? What have you done this week? Any plans for tomorrow or the weekend? My plan is to hopefully sleep in tomorrow. Lol.
Hope you are well.

In response to: Re: HOME

Shaz51Senior Contributor09 Dec 2017, 3:50 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

hello @utopia, how are you and how is your mum xx

In response to: HOME

utopiaSenior Contributor09 Dec 2017, 6:00 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

Hi @Shaz51. I just woke up from a long sleep and am still a bit groggy. Had a dream I didn't like - and it's hanging round in my head.
Mum is as okay as she can be.

In response to: Re: HOME

Unknown userMember09 Dec 2017, 10:35 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

Hi @utopia - all quiet at my place which is a good thing. I hope your Mum gets a diagnosis - often it's just a matter of finding the right doctor. Difficult when something is wrong but they can't pinpoint what it is. Have a peaceful night.

In response to: Re: HOME

Zoe7Senior Contributor21 Dec 2017, 7:55 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

Wasn't sure where to post to you so hope you get this @utopia I can't be here atm - it is too hard and too triggering - so one or two quick posts is all I can manage.

...but really wanted to let you know that I think of you everyday and really miss you

In response to: HOME

utopiaSenior Contributor21 Dec 2017, 9:34 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

I understand. No pressure from me.
I miss you too @Zoe7.
For what it's worth, I hope you have a nice quiet and calm Christmas day.
Hugs and pats for Toby & Cat.
Love to you. ♥♥♥

In response to: HOME

utopiaSenior Contributor08 Feb 2018, 1:47 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

Well I went and saw my psychologist today. He wants me to go to hospital again. I don't think I'm sick enough for hospital.
Have had anxiety/panic attacks the past week. Don't normally get them much anymore. But since coming off my anti anxiety med 2 weeks ago, I do.
Depression is back. Strangling me with its tentacles.
Black dark negative self talk is almost constant. So hard to distract from those thoughts.
I'm tired of being sick. I miss who I used to be. But I hardly remember that person. She doesn't exist anymore. No part of me, pre injury, exists.
I feel weak for not being able to fight this. I have no energy to fight. I don't even want to fight.
I think I'd like to slip down into my comfort - my depression. No point in fighting it. I can't win. It is stronger than me.
I am no better than I was last year when I went to hospital. Just as sick. Just as hopeless.
I don't want to keep having depressive episodes. It's too hard.
This is not life.

In response to: HOME

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor08 Feb 2018, 2:04 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

Hearing you @utopia .... just sitting with you ....

Hugs ...... 💐

In response to: Re: HOME

soulSenior Contributor08 Feb 2018, 2:08 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

Feeling for you @utopia. Sending you as many positives thoughts as I can

In response to: Re: HOME

TeejSenior Contributor08 Feb 2018, 2:09 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

You are going through a rough time @utopia. Coming off meds like that for anxiety is hard, it’s a regression but not for ever. I’m going through lots of the 'I’m not who I used to be too'. For me I think it’s more about accepting this is where this is where I’m at and trying to inch forward. I’m still having days of total self destruction but also some of making headway by inches.

Im also going through a tough period where it’s not just my negative self talk but one of my sons is reinforcing it too, he’s getting so frustrated and angry at me. It’s a tough battle fighting for you let alone having to be responsible for someone else who isn’t always supportive.

I’m going to give you advice that you’ve given me in the past. Find the little things that give you moments of peace and be gentle on who you believe you are just now. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime to get anywhere. I’m in my 7 th year now and only just coming around to some stuff some days but it’s enough to keep the light flickering for now. Ask me tomorrow and I might give you a very different negative story. It’s ok just to try to be and do anything that helps you feel ok and some days it’s impossible to shift our thinking and feelings.

Just wanted you to know that I’m here with you when I can be and hearing you. Hoping like mad that things lift a bit again soon 💜🤗

571 - 580 of 2,072

1...57 58 59...208