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Hello @Faith-and-Hope. Hope you've had a good day. Are you back in Melbourne? How long for?

I think it's good to let the tears flow @Faith-and-Hope. Helps to release the tension and to clear your head. I'm sending you a big hug ♥♥♥

Thanks @utopia ..... gratefully received .....

💜

Would you like to talk and get things off your chest @Faith-and-Hope ?

I have a thread on Carer’s where I tend to do that @utopia ...... cos the issues are big, overwhelming and hidden ..... and I don’t want it to impact too greatly on anyone here in LE forum with the struggles they have already got going on, but you are welcome there any time and I can tag you ......

I will say that the tears are mostly about stuckiness, somewhat by choice ...... I could drmamticaly change my circumstances, but at terrible cost. The truth of our situation would become obvious in the aftermath, but that aftermath is likely to further impact the kids, despite the fact that their dad would be diagnosed, if not treated ..... by there is great risk that their mental health would become dramatically worse in this he process. This “stuck” path is the one we are all choosing over the (very credible) firestorm path.

The other half of it is something called disenfranchised grief. My hubby has no insight into being unwell and is mistaking his ed for a healthy life change, which it has never actually been because there is an mi at the centre of it, even though he gained early health benefits, and still appears to be successful to some people ...... but it is all in borrowed time.

The personality changes that come with the territory, which he also cannot recognise in himself, mean that I have lost the husband I loved, and the kids have had to adapt to a transformed and unwell dad that they still love dearly, but we all have to raise boundaries with. This means that we can openly express our grief and mourn the loss of the relationships as they were ..... and our choices and behaviours are misconstrued along with it.

It also causes a rollercoaster of disrupted and disruptive life circumstances ...... and to talk about these all the time results in others riding that emotional rollercoaster along with me ...... so the rollercoaster is on C-forum if/ when you are up for it ...... and I visit here with bits and pieces of it that are more manageable in the moment .....

Yes please tag me to your carers post @Faith-and-Hope and I'll reply there. Hugs

@utopia I remember that dream quite clearly. Yes it feels amazing ing to be holding Ayla. It's an amazing feeling. I can't describe. Saw her this morning and she was giving me slobber kisses all over my face. So funny. And then she looks st me and gives a big smile. She is so cute.
You know @utopia that dream will stay with me forever. It is amazing. Xx

I think that dream was a gift @BlueBay

Well @utopia it was the BEST gift ever. Xx
Hope you are having an ok day today.