sick of this sh*t

You got to that video interview stage @MDT - so obviously you aren't hopeless. It's just your negative brain telling you so. You can choose to believe it or you can go with the reality.

Try to picture a very confident character from Star Wars and emulate them (maybe Luke Skywalker and not C3PO ) How would they come across? Study their mannerisms. Perhaps watch some interview videos on Youtube but most of all relax.

Hey @soul

nice example to use actually... sometimes i find myself thinking about what han solo would do... the sarcastic "it'll be right" attitude can work...

or either think of what obi wan would say or do lol

I've found lately that i have given 2 'friends' of mine way too much sway over the way i view and value myself. Even if i haven't seen either of them for so long, it still kicks in and haunts me.

What I have noticed is that they still take the shit out of another friend we have. This bothers me. This other friend has been very helpful and he has told me that I give him good advice.

These other 2 guys need to pull their head in. I can tell it'll get to a point soon where I will either lash out at them, OR be forced to step in and do something. I believe it'll be the latter.

It sounds weird that something external is having such an effect on me, but it's because i considered these 2 guys close friends... who've now essentially moved on as if nothing ever happened. They are both pretty immature but both have girlfriends... as if that was a way to establish their 'authority'.

It's strange because they don't really respect this other guy... but idk if they respect me. I think it's gotten to a point now both in my own development as a person, but also as a friend of this other guy that i need to stand up for him when it happens.

I really don't care what these two guys think tbh... i mean i told one of them about my mental health and it was like 'oh yeh okay.....' and did jack all about it... Whereas the dude they make fun of has actually helped me a bit.

At the heart of it I have actually let these two dopes effect the way i value myself.

It's good that I have realised this. It's also good that I've actually been able to progress in the way i have both academically with uni, and emotionally (making new friends in other avenues of life).

Despite the fact I have felt lonely a lot lately, I still have people I'm friends with. I can talk with about stuff.

But that's that.

Anyway I need to do this video thing for this afternoon and need to do a bit more research for it.

Yep @MDT - I reckon it's good to be discerning when it comes to who you allow into your life. Those guys seem to be very immature. MI is still a huge stigma and there is a lot of ignorance about it. Unless you have a condition or are close to someone (to a lesser extent) you have really little idea what the effects are.

I think the tide is changing albeit slowly. It is alarming but MI is on the increase especially amongst the youth. Saw the youth s*icide rates in the U.K. And in NZ are going through the roof. Probably elsewhere too. That's a real concern. Don't know what the answer is. Is it a reflection on greater society? Something that desperately needs to be addressed.

So @MDT - at the risk of sounding totally corny - "May the force be with you."

Have you heard of Jordan Peterson @soul ?

Check him out on youtube, he's a psychologist from canada. Very interesting stuff. He speaks a lot about the biological basis for behaviour and dominance heirarchies etc. Those two friends of mine are like that, in a dominance heirarchy. Maybe it's a male thing I'm not sure.

I just did my interview too.

It's prerecorded. So a question pops up on the screen and i have to reply to it.

I made sure I looked like I presented well, but I always worry I come across as arrogant/smug when I speak to people in real life or on cameras. I sometimes feel like my anxiety holds me back so lately I've been really trying to stop it from happening. I dunno though.

Maybe it's why I'm alone a lot of the time.

I hate being told to put myself out there because each time I try it just gets met with failure..

whats going on for you @MDT?