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As you may or may not have noticed.. a few days ago my old account @dazedanais left The Forums.. I found myself so broken and unwanting of life and just felt like a complete burden. I had a massive breakdown and harmed myself a lot. I know I made a mistake in leaving these Forums, I have made so many nice, lovely friends and now I just feel as though I have messed it all up. It is all on me. I am sorry. I felt embarrassed of making an account again so early but I realised it was something I need.. because as pathetic as it sounds. You guys are the only people I have to talk to.
I have been breaking so incredibly hard. I have questioned my own safety and have also been too afraid to seek help for my current state. I feel so GUILTY for it. I am so sorry. I have felt like an annoyance too because of how unwell I have been and then everyone concentrates on my wellbeing and I think - you need to contentrate on YOURSELF not @dazedanais who is a complete stranger.. because I do not deserve anyone's time. I do not deserve it I am at such a low. Today alone I found myself needing and actually requiring an ambulance to be called after certain tendencies... I won't mention. Again this is all MY FAULT. I don't know why I am like this. I hate to be such a disappointment to you all and my actual family.
I am so so afraid. So afraid. I no longer feel safe with myself and I don't know what to do about it. I am afraid of the aggressive, condescending and punshments that would come out if I would need to go to hospital again.. so I am avoiding it. At the same time - I don't know if I can remain safe anymore.
I havent stopped crying all day, I feel so numb. I am back but again I am so so so SORRY. it is all my fault
I haven't started either - I think it would be a good distraction to do it but at the same time.. I just mentally don't know my capability and it might also be a bit dangerous being this close to breaking point.. but at the same time - it could be a good thing 💜💜💜💕💕💕 Just a risk
It's so hard - in the past year I have been hospitalised a ton. This year however, I haven't been in hospital mentally but medically for suicide attempts.. then they didn't really care about my mental stability and let me go with nothing. That is what I am afraid of - what if I go to hospital and they just discharge me again with nothing and send me home? Then what would I do? Will I become more of a danger to myself? Last time I had to be pulled off train tracks because they discharge me.. and still gave no help. So it's hard.
We ARE all in this together 💜
It is hard.. I am no longer dazed.. but oh.. like ohanais .. not again. Thank you for your kindness and everything. I know it is a tough time for you at the moment, I am sending my love & hugs your way xx
In response to: i found myself broken
ohanaisSenior Contributor
Re: i found myself broken
Naww that sounds TOO cute @soul - one of my dogs really loves pillows and she just tries to find pillows around the house.. gathers them up and then dives into them. Shes a bit intelligent in that regard - it is very cute.
You have a budgie? I am not allowed birds. I would definitely go and grab a cockatoo or a budgie or a parrot.. any bird really if I could. Thats the good thing about volunteering at an animal shelter - as I can just hang with any animal I want. Even bunnies.. they are illegal here in Queensland! But the RSPCA holds bunnies to help desex them and then they head back down to NSW. They are too cute!!
In response to: Re: i found myself broken
soulSenior Contributor
Re: i found myself broken
These animals are actually my daughter's who lives with me but guess who takes care of them? The budgie just shut up really quick. A butcher bird came to visit and was standing on the other side of the glass sliding door having a good look in!!
Bunnies are cute. Wonderful that you get your dose of animal company. They listen to you all you want and are great company @ohanais
In response to: i found myself broken
ohanaisSenior Contributor
Re: i found myself broken
Ahah always seems to end up that way- doesn't it @soul .. If I could openly get my own place with no restrictions.. I think I would be buying animals from every corner. I have always wanted a snake for some reason.. a tarantula would be great also.. okay maybe not a tarantula. I have had a bad history with snakes though, once had to try to get a python away from my guinea pigs - as it was trying to get into their cage!--- supposedly for a snack. Luckily we could clap it away in time. It was a massive snake.
I would definitely also take a bunny home if I could - they are looking at making bunnies legal in Queensland but not any time soon sadly. They are much fluffier than I thought they would be.
They do listen to everything you have to say and never tells you to shutup either!
In response to: i found myself broken
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: i found myself broken
@ohanais ill write a better response soon just have to run off quicklu now but wanted you to know im listeningand hearing you, supporting and encouraging you through the day. Lots of love and i care ❤❤❤
In response to: Re: i found myself broken
soulSenior Contributor
Re: i found myself broken
I can see your fish pic now @ohanais - what a cutie. Used to have fish but no longer. Had guinea pigs too - supposedly two girls but Lily turned out to be Larry. Eventually gave them away.
So - now just a dog and bird who tolerate each other. The dog gets a bit jealous though. The bird is like - meh.
In response to: i found myself broken
MaggieSenior Contributor
Re: i found myself broken
WOW @ohanais they are beautiful. I was about to google to see what they looked like, I don't have to now. Have you visited the "dogs rock" thread??? You might like it, some real dog lovers there.
In response to: i found myself broken
ohanaisSenior Contributor
Re: i found myself broken
Take care @outlander💜
Hope to hear from you later xox
In response to: i found myself broken
ohanaisSenior Contributor
Re: i found myself broken
@soul I used to have fish too! I used to have fighter fish - not too great as you have to keep them seperated.. also we made a mistake in positioning them near an air conditioner..
Oh my.. wow. That would have been a shock. I use to have 2 guinea pigs before who have now passed on named Glee Glee and Scooby (both boys) and now we have two boys again named Chester and Nibbles... Chester looks a lot like Glee Glee did.. and so I often find myself calling Chester, Glee Glee by accident then that breaks my heart at times.
Naw - my dogs love to chase birds in the garden and so does the cat.. We have had a few issues where we have had to rescue birds.. and once rescued a MASSIVE rat.. but they all deserve to live. We thought it was a possum at first because it was so huge.. lol.. nope.
In response to: i found myself broken
ohanaisSenior Contributor
Re: i found myself broken
@Maggie They are beautiful creatures.. kinda funny looking. I think I would name him/her "Cheese" if I could. It just seems fitting 💜💜
I will definitely check out the "dogs rock" thread
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