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Something’s not right

not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor04 Aug 2017, 8:11 pm AEST

not coping

im not coping

i cant handle all of these things

besides my mental health deteriorating so dramatically, and my physicall health floating up the creek

and now within the past few hours

my great grandmother now is in a nursing home and they dont know how long she has left and to make thigns worse i think i have to put my beleoved horse down.

we just had vets out and spend the last 4 hours trying to save my horse. its been 2 hours and went back to check on her and its not looking good.

not good at all 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞

i dont know what to do or how to feel, im a complete mess 😞

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In response to: not coping

Unknown userMember30 Apr 2020, 11:42 pm AEST

Re: not coping

I am unsure how long your loved has been with the angels but my best friend has been and angel for 6 years now and it hurts everyday and it's crippling on days like today when she would have been the first one to the hospital and she would have been sitting beside on my couch making sure I was ok. You never stop hurting, you never stop missing them, you just learn to mask it until moments like yesterday. I am sure she knew how much you loved her.

If I remember you are still quite young, studying and have health issues of your own. Being a carer Is a huge responsibility and one you shouldn't have to bear all by yourself. There is no way you should be the one to tell him he can't drive, that is the responsibility of his GP, and by what she said today then she should have told him he can't drive. I also understand how he get when you try to tell him something and he gets angry and takes it out on you. I see it a lot and I am sorry you have to deal with that. You seem to being doing the very best you can. I am sorry your family points the finger at you when they should actually be helping instead. Take a minute and think about your pop, think about his quality of life with you and if you can think of his quality of if he was supported more with the help of his aged care specialist. Family members can be blind to the needs of their loved one if they don't live with them. You need to look after you as well my sweet.

Sorry for the long reply and I am not sure I have really been of any help. @outlander

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor01 May 2020, 12:01 am AEST

Re: not coping

She has been gone 5 years now @Former-Member it doesn't feel that long in some ways because ive been so occupied i didn't notice the time but the days that i miss her it feels like its been an eternity. Theres days you miss them but then there seems to be days you really really miss them. I didn't go through a 'normal' grieving process like most would so ive been told because i was to busy trying to hold everyone else together and stepping up alot more then what probably shouldve been expected of me.

Yes im 23, i have been a carer for basically 5 yrs for pop but before then i also helped with my nan probably from the age of 12 thats my first memory of starting to help her and pop and mum out with her.

No i cant be the one to tell him, i already get enough of that and his license hasnt been taken. I dont even want to be on my own and i dont want him on his own either once its been taken either. I know its coming but i dont know when.

His specialist couldve been more help i think but it was only the first session. We were there nearly 3 hours so assessment for him so im hoping the next one will be more helpful.
They say i need more support but they dont help make that happen. They gave me a number to ring for an aged care person in my area and honestly they werent any help. They gave me some info but he also couldnt suggest people (has to be on the fence blah blah blah :face_with_rolling_eyes:)
Tried my aged care but missed the call, rang them back and got the paperwork started and never heard back.
I tried to get mum to help but its like she wants nothing to do with it. Cant wrap her head around it or something. Some days i feel alright and like im coping with it but theres alot more days that i feel im not. I want more support for him so i can have a breather too.

In response to: Re: not coping

Unknown userMember01 May 2020, 12:18 am AEST

Re: not coping

I am sorry you didn't get the chance to grieve for your friend. It makes it so much harder to move forward. From what I have seen here and the support I have gotten from you myself, I can see that you would have been supportive of everyone at the time and not taking the time for yourself to mourn your own loss. You have such a caring soul and a strength of heart that is truly beautiful.

I am sorry but that is far to young to be solely responsible for your pop. I am in awe of you and what you have on your plate is overwhelming. At 23 I was a mum to one and bearly keeping my shit together (that was before I was aware of my MI) I am sorry I can't be of more help.

My aged care is a true nightmare, but when they get it right they can be very helpful. You may have to call them again, I know it's frustrating but you don't want your paperwork "lost" Depending on pop's needs and what level he is assessed at you will have a range of services available to you and your pop. Let me know how you go with this please my friend. @outlander

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor01 May 2020, 12:25 am AEST

Re: not coping

Thanks @Former-Member
She was my nan (and my best friend at the same time). Its definently tough.

Ill try to get in contact with my aged care another day. I wish they had an email for the exact reason im having issues with my studies. Its so annoying everything has to be done one the phone.

And you have been helpful, thanks for talking to me 🌷🌻

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor01 May 2020, 12:27 am AEST

Re: not coping

How are you going?

In response to: Re: not coping

Unknown userMember01 May 2020, 12:30 am AEST

Re: not coping

I am not great my friend. To scared to sleep, refused my night meds tonight. But I know this will get easier with time. But right now I am scared. @outlander

In response to: Re: not coping

Unknown userMember01 May 2020, 12:35 am AEST

Re: not coping

I am so sorry for your loss @outlander You nan would definitely have known how you felt about her and she would have understood more than you why you weren't at that last gathering. I was not prepared for the death of my grandma and miss her dearly everyday. Sending you all my love my sweet

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor01 May 2020, 12:38 am AEST

Re: not coping

Thanks @Former-Member 🌷

Do you want to talk about anything? You can talk here or wherever, just tag me.
Think its going to be a long night again here too

In response to: Re: not coping

MaggieSenior Contributor01 May 2020, 4:30 am AEST

Re: not coping

@outlander 💙💙💙

In response to: Re: not coping

Unknown userMember01 May 2020, 9:06 am AEST

Re: not coping

Good morning honey, I hope you where able to manage to get some quality sleep. Thank you for listening last night @outlander

I hope you can find some peace in your day

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.