@outlander Therapy does not have to be looking backwards ie. going over your whole history. It can be finding ways to cope in the here and now and working on strategies to deal with all that you have on your plate. You are already doing part of that online but a f2f scenario will also help with social skills as well. I am very much similar - I can open up more and 'talk' more online but find it hard to find the words when in front of someone - but that is something that was importnt to work on to be able to move forward. As you would already know - I stopped EMDR because it was re-traumatising and I went into a very dark hole. With the assistance of my GP and pdoc we collectively decided that going back was not helping me go forward - and that changed both my mindset and progression immensely. It does take a lot of strength and courage to do that though - both of which you have - and it has helped me s much in other relationships in my life ...especially with my family. I have very big boundaries with them and if they break them I can not only tell them how I feel but also am confident enough to walk away. That too takes practice but the more you do it the more in control of your own life you begin to feel.
I very much understand your situation with the house (your home) and the very real fear of what is available if your Pop was to go into a home. I don't think that is selfish at all to think about but I will ask one question (and this is not meant to upset you at all) - what will you do if your Pop passes away? If that happens suddenly then your whole world will be turned upside down instantly so what measures are you putting in place now that will help in the future if tht happens. This is something that I am sure you have considered but it is a very real possibility.
I would also like to ask you to consider what your Pop does without you when he is with his friends - is he just as demanding or does he leave that just for you? If he leaves that just for you then he is abusing the care you give him and thst needs to change. I understand he has difficulties with phones, accepting help from outside sources and has dementia but you deserve to be treated with respect as well.
Lastly - and this is a big one - what does recovery look like, feel like, sound like for you? What can you realistically do for yourself and what do you need professional help to achieve. We all have to be the architects of our own recovery but all architects need builders to help us construct our lives in the image we want it to be. 
I think that recovery question as well as what you are beginning to put in place for when your Pop is not there are 2 really important ones to mull over further. 
