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not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor04 Aug 2017, 8:11 pm AEST

not coping

im not coping

i cant handle all of these things

besides my mental health deteriorating so dramatically, and my physicall health floating up the creek

and now within the past few hours

my great grandmother now is in a nursing home and they dont know how long she has left and to make thigns worse i think i have to put my beleoved horse down.

we just had vets out and spend the last 4 hours trying to save my horse. its been 2 hours and went back to check on her and its not looking good.

not good at all 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞

i dont know what to do or how to feel, im a complete mess 😞

18135 replies

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In response to: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor05 July 2020, 1:18 pm AEST

Re: not coping

yeah i think thats what it meant @Sans911 not the lying part but i guess in this case saying No for reasons like my own self care like i done today.

In response to: Re: not coping

Sans911Senior Contributor05 July 2020, 1:20 pm AEST

Re: not coping

Exactly lil Sis @outlander ❣️ ❣️ ❣️

Does it help a little?

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor05 July 2020, 1:28 pm AEST

Re: not coping

yes thank you sis @Sans911 💜💜

Im trying to find what might help for the moment though. I understand the longer term ones with saying no and putting my self care first more often but im not really finding how i can help myself right now till these emotions pass. i think it is more then guilt right now though, so i could try more of my distractions

In response to: Re: not coping

Sans911Senior Contributor05 July 2020, 1:42 pm AEST

Re: not coping

So once you've accepted that you've done nothing wrong, and it's OK to put your first, you need to accept that action over and over and over again. It does take a lot of practice, and it's hard to do. Sometimes it might be helpful to write yourself a letter why it's okay to take the steps you took today. That yes, you feel anxious and uncomfortable, but you weren't setting out to be deceitful or misleading, only protecting your own needs. That you deserve a rest, and you are worthy of putting your needs first from time to time. You don't have to keep the letter but sometimes writing things down is more concrete and solid.

And distraction is probably most helpful.

@outlander

In response to: Re: not coping

AppleblossomSenior Contributor05 July 2020, 1:48 pm AEST

Re: not coping

@outlander

I have been reading about the difference between shame and guilt. Maybe it not guilt but and internalised sense of shame that makes those feelings persist. idk.

Wish I knew this stuff at your age, but it simply was not generally available. So in some ways there is "progress" ... referring back to our last convo about the "state of the nation". Every generation can only work with what they have got.

Hugs both of you

@Sans911

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor05 July 2020, 1:52 pm AEST

Re: not coping

i think its definently going to take alot of practice sis. every time i do something like this i have this reaction. i am going to try though @Sans911
i will give writing it ago too. thank you

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor05 July 2020, 1:56 pm AEST

Re: not coping

i am lucky to have the guidance and support of people here. there is alot more info these days then before so i guess that is good too but i am still lucky and grateful to have people here to help me along too. @Appleblossom

In response to: Re: not coping

AppleblossomSenior Contributor05 July 2020, 2:04 pm AEST

Re: not coping

@outlander

I know you are grateful and you care. I am grateful for knowing you.

Just looked at @Sans911 link and it had same stuff about shame and guilt.

I am struggled a lot over last 40 years about whether something felt right or wrong and how that related to ethics or what I should or should not be doing.

My life is simpler now, so things are more obvious. "Opposite action" as a strategy is something that makes it clearer.

Logging off for now.

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor05 July 2020, 2:09 pm AEST

Re: not coping

@Appleblossom
i am grateful for knowing you too 🧡💙

In response to: not coping

OtterSenior Contributor05 July 2020, 4:12 pm AEST

Re: not coping

Hi @outlander ,

I'm sorry to hear the dinner party has stirred up some tricky feelings to manage and sit with, particularly SI and impulses to harm. It's so moving to see the wonderful amount of support and care you have received from our members in this thread today, and really shows that our whole community is here for you and cares very much for your safety and well-being.

It can be really challenging if you are still grappling with those feelings, so just a friendly reminder that you can as always give SCBS or Lifeline a call if these feelings are still coming up intensely for you or you just want to have a chat to someone, and of course 000 in case of emergencies.

Hoping you are feeling safe and well and wishing you all the best from myself also,

Otter

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