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Something’s not right

not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor

not coping

im not coping

i cant handle all of these things

besides my mental health deteriorating so dramatically, and my physicall health floating up the creek

and now within the past few hours

my great grandmother now is in a nursing home and they dont know how long she has left and to make thigns worse i think i have to put my beleoved horse down.

we just had vets out and spend the last 4 hours trying to save my horse. its been 2 hours and went back to check on her and its not looking good.

not good at all 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞

i dont know what to do or how to feel, im a complete mess 😞

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In response to: not coping

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: not coping

You're saying no because you need self care @outlander. And yes, it would feel strange for you to say no. Because it's not something you do very often at all. You always put others before yourself. Every single day of the week, any time you're asked and even when you're not asked. I imagine you feel quite guilty right now, and guilt is not a comfortable emotion. But in a way you've not done anything wrong. You've put yourself first for a change. Sometimes we have to. And it's OK.

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: not coping

There is that part of me that says its the right thing to do and that i need the break and to take one wherever i can but you are right the guilt isn't very comfortable to be sitting with. Its added to the anxiety i was feeling before. @Sans911 im not sure how to let it go or to manage it atm

In response to: Re: not coping

NatureLoverSenior Contributor

Re: not coping

I'm glad to hear the driving and the eating was tolerable, @outlander 🙂

I agree very much with @Sans911 that lying is necessary to protect ourselves sometimes.

@Sans911 wrote:
But in a way you've not done anything wrong. You've put yourself first for a change. Sometimes we have to. And it's OK.

I totally agree.

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: not coping

Thanks @NatureLover just out of my comfort zone. Strange for me

In response to: Re: not coping

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: not coping

In order to let go of your anxiety about how you feel, you have to ask yourself a few questions. These are

Did I deliberately set out to hurt someone?

Did I deliberately set out to trick or deceive anyone?

Was self care necessary for me today?

Can the person I lied to manage without me this one time?

Are my actions justified?

There is a dbt skill called Opposite Action. Have a look at the links below.

With the first link, go down about 2/3 page.Underneath the bold heading of 'When guilt or shame is justified' there is a paragraph. Read the NEXT paragraph down and onwards.

https://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/apply-opposite-action-to-guilt-and-shame

https://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/apply-opposite-action-to-guilt-and-shame

@outlander

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: not coping

Thank you @Sans911 i will have a look

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: not coping

@Sans911 it says that to help with guilt that is unjustified i have to keep doing what made me feel guilty?

In response to: Re: not coping

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: not coping

@outlander

Hearing you about your thoughts yoyoing about the "little lie". With high personal standards we can put more pressure on ourselves than we need. The art of saying "no" is still something I struggle with. What is strictly true and what is a falsehood. Your self care NEED can be a genuine form of busyness for this scenario. In your situation where you are out there, it is important to be able to manage all comers. DOnt give yourself too hard a time about it. It is enough that you have gotten through all the demands of yesterday.

@Sans911 I will check that link too. You are a mine of info.

@Lee82I did read about your panic attack last night. Hope today is better. Did not mean to ignore it. I was unsure whether to post anything or if you would feel swamped. So hard being a mum and dealing with that stuff.

Take Care ALL.

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: not coping

saying no is tough @Appleblossom but i have read the link the Sans has sent me and done some extra reading and had a think about the questions as well. i know its not really neccessary to feel guilty over saying no this time for my own self care.

In response to: Re: not coping

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: not coping

In a way @outlander yes. It doesn't mean lying all the time. What it does mean is get used to saying no a bit more. The more you things that make you uncomfortable, the easier it gets, and your anxiety will reduce in time.

This video might help a bit as it's explained by someone using the skills

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mQrq7fvjB_k
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