not coping

@outlander sounds like you’ve had a productive day today. I haven’t had a very productive today, sadly 😞. I hope work goes okay for you, I know living costs are high right now, and there is a constant pressure to cover living costs. I hope you can take care of yourself after work 💖

im at work now but only for another 3 and half hours @Snowie
thankfully most of the things that needed to be picked up were with a few more organised for tomorrow arvo.

hey @creative_writer
the cost of living is crazy esp since im only on one income but still needing to pay pops share for now as well.
ive had to cancel next weeks appointments because its over 400$. its to expensive at this stage when i need to use that money on bills and the more important appointments at this stage like neurologist and the tests required to further investigate the results that have just come up.

thats ok, not every day needs to be productive. sometimes it just works out to be a crappy day and just one we need to get through.
do you want to talk about anything?

@outlander it is hard. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had to cancel appointments. Everything has also become more expensive since covid.

I’ve just had a rough day, I just hope tomorrow is better, but I think I’m realising I’m probably holding too much in, probably do need to get it out, but it’s hard feeling like a burden for hurting

its going ok so fa @Snowie but i wont be working to many afternoons. i really dont enjoy them but was an urgent fill in today.

@creative_writer it is hard, im mostly in the private system though which i dont mind but at the moment i have to prioritise where my money is going and this appointment can wait a few weeks after ive done the rest of the tests and seen the neurologist for the next steps.
depending on what she says spinal surgery may be on the card for me so i really hope it can be fixed without surgery

it is hard when we feel like a burden but your not a burden at all and you can always talk here.
have you got a psychologist that also helps you too?

@outlander private system is really expensive, I see my psych and pdoc privately, and the costs add up. I only see my psych once a month since I don't have a higher insurance cover right now.

I've managed to convince myself I am a burden because time and time again my parents would get distressed when I was distressed. To help them cope I shut down. I used to be shamed by other people at school for crying too, so I'm used to holding back tears, even in therapy

i understand @creative_writer my family just use to call me an attention seeker if i said i was struggling and when i was seriously mentally ill and ended up in a psych hospital for just over a week they wouldnt speak to me or even call me while i was admitted, the nursing staff had to help me get clothing as i come in with nothing at all except what i was wearing.
it is hard to cope when those around us dont know how to react or manage themselves. their reaction is not yours however, they are adults and its up to them how they react. your feelings are valid and if your struggling then that is how your feeling.

it really sucks that the private system is so expensive, it is no wonder that many cant afford to access supports or not as often as they should be able to due to the excessive costs.

Hugs @outlander ,

I'm so sorry to hear that @outlander . I can relate though. It's happened to me before. I had nothing except the clothes I was wearing.

Some people don't understand the complexities of MH because they didn't have the opportunity to, some people are too afraid to know, and there are some who choose not to know.

I reckon, if I didn't have my own MH issues, i'd be one who chooses not to know (sad to say). Hence, I'm grateful for everything, because it's made me who I am.

@creative_writer , yes, costs are so high. I booked an appointment with my psych for next week, and the receptionist phoned me back to say the cost has gone up - again. I can see how these costs add up for people.

@outlander it's hard being called "attention seeker", I have sort of been called that when I first developed depression, then my parents sort of accepted that it wasn't a phase. They initially thought I was just a moody teen. They didn't let me go into therapy or take meds till I turned 18. I sort of lived my miserable 17 year old life coping with emotions and migraines the best I could. I had to choice between health or finishing my high school. I was told I would have to delay graduation otherwise, so I just graduated before I turned 18.

My parents hated the idea of me going to hospital, so I kind of had to stay safe, the oldest child has to be the glue. They hated when the police came over for a welfare check. They just don't trust the system. I just learnt to keep stuff from them, if they don't know, they won't worry. I have been in short stay in hospital, just never in a psych ward.

@outlander and @tyme I hate how everything is so expensive now, the gap fees have increased for my psych, paying one session upfront (without medicare) doesn't seem like a economically viable option