Coming to terms with reality

Yea i gotta watch my step around everyone in my life. Otherwise they quickly start sharpening their knives and get ready to stab me in the back at any chance they get. That's how it is too be honest with you. Neighbours. Friends. Family. Church members. Social groups i attend. Everybody worried about my shortcomings and not their own. But it's gotta be somebody they do it too i suppose. (Not all and not all the time )

Does that make sense @Former-Member ? Then on the contrary they use me for everything they can. It's not everybody and not all the time. But it's definitely happening behind my back. Between them. (Mentally tag teaming me with their words and judgments ) And it's like my shortcomings have caused it. And it's like they have no shortcomings. But when they in need of a visitor or to bludge off someone. You guessed it. I'm their number one man. It's types of things like this that get on my nerves and creates stress and nervousness. And make me anxious. I can sense the aura and vibes of these things happening. It's terrible.

But in all honesty. I've done it too them. And i think i done it too them out of retaliation. Fight fire with fire type of thing. And i find stuff in the Bible that basically gives me a second opinon which confirms the whole scenario is true.

I got philosophies and analogies left right and centre in my mind. And it's all based around understanding what's going on. And unfortunately. It don't tell a very nice story. Allows me to laugh at the situations they based around though. And cause i got social issues. And don't have alot to offer the world. It makes it really difficult to change my circumstances. I also feel that they come against me because they know I'm just gonna forgive them anyway. And i think they do it so they know they have power and control over me. In a social hyracy sense. And i never become anything. Good conversation for them also.

Here's something i told myself awhile ago. "The world has always come against me before i have come against it" it's basically like, alot of people out there live their lives according to old testament rules. While I'm doing the new testament thing. And it gives them a human slave that is fearing being deprived of their needs unless they want what is best for their psychological abusers. Not many options really unless i play the old testament game in return.

Never had much of a chance if it's all true

Preaching forgiveness to the enemy after they've had enough of vicious psychological games which destroy weak and vulnerable people. Whom would do the same to them if given the chance. Then it's a case of walking in the way of Jesus. And we all know how that story ends. But there is the odd perk to the story which makes it worth while.

That's all in the mind also

Im glad i got that off my chest and aint carrying it around no more. Now we can move on.

Thanks @Adek that's given something positive to reflect upon. I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that I'm taking steps toward stopping alcohol and becoming sober. Because alcohol use leads to all bad things. Although it's a quick fix. It does alot of damage and leads to heavy smoking and drug use. And I'm slowly learning that I'll have to adapt and make changes for it too work.

I'm interested about how you say the government has sponsored you. Cause i feel it's the same type of thing with me. What's the process where you're from?

The government here has put an incredibly heavy tax on cigarettes. And it increases every 12 months. It's to try and make people stop smoking. A bit unfair for all the people who have been addicted for a long time. And started smoking in their early teens. What's it like in your country?

Hey @Former-Member i been walking quite a bit. And have quite a few walking trails i use regularly. It's a great hobby and i really enjoy it. Nothing is quite likea nice walk. I see all sorts of things when I'm strutting ny stuff along one of my walking trails. Floating boats. Birds in the sky. Dogs playing fetch with their owners and swimming. Other people walking their dogs and jogging. Children on play equipment. Rabbits eating grass. The trees blowing in the breeze. Fish in the sea. The clouds in the sky. The sun shining. Flowers in bloom. Cars driving. It's great. I am spoilt for choices when it comes to walking trails.

My dog is doing great. He has a great nature and just wants to play with other dogs. Chase the birds. Get attention from people. Stretch his legs. Play in the water. Sniff around. Then when he's in the backyard he just lies around and sleeps. Whines at me from time to time. Plays fetch. Chews on a bone. Annoys the cat. Have you ever owned a dog? And how's your walking going now that the weather has warmed up?

Here @eudemonism..all government staff are entitled to a pension scheme from somewhat 16% to 50% of their final month salary prior to retirement, depending on how many years they served..minimum of 10 yrs of service up to the maximum age for retirement that is at 60 yrs old. For normal cases..pension will be paid monthly upon reaching the age of 56 regardless of what age we choose to retire but for special cases like optional retirement under the medical board, pension is paid as soon as recommendation and approval for early retirement is produced by the board and ministry.

Yeah..i recalled the cigarette prices in your country was 8x more that here 10 yrs ago during our visit there. And since then our government has been hiking the tax annually as well..doubling the prices than it used to be.

I was out of house early this morning before 5am..driving up to a highland area for another seminar which started 6.30am this morning. Its cool here and breezy..and the gathering area is just next to a stream. There's also a small waterfall and a fountain..and birds non stop chirping on the trees surrounding the area up to now 10am while we are having our brunch break. The morning session was held open aired...on the grass surrounded by nature..where green carpets are laid on damp earth...till around 8.30am when the sun is bright and glistening rays can be seen through the dew drops. I've always loved coming up here..an hour drive through narrow and winding roads that lead up to the place. Before that was a highway going east..then through a long tunnel that marks a u-turn going up to the highland resorts where i am now. The tunnel always reminds me of Lady D though... May we all be remembered as much as her for all the goods we have offered around us.. @Former-Member