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Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor02 Aug 2017, 7:01 pm AEST

Coming to terms with reality

Hi Readers, i am suffering from "mental health issues" and it is an ongoing, daily battle. I am pretty much constantly wrestling with the thoughts going on in my mind. And my psychical life seems too be suffering for it. (There is a huge difference between physical and mental ) something is definitely not right! So each day I'm waking up and going about my routine. And over the last few days, weeks and months. I have been noticing changes in my mentality toward myself, others and life. And some questions such as, what is my life about? And what should my objectives be? Have arisen... of course like we all are, I'm subject too making decisions... and there has been the same options in front of me time and time again for months on end. And it becomes rather draining and mundane. And i feel myself going around in circles like something simple just ain't connecting.

I enjoy writing, art, music. And peace of mind... walking, reading, meditation. Taking care of myself. Socialising. Etcetera. Getting ahead, getting in front. Planning, dreaming and so on. And do my best to look after myself. While accepting that it can only ever be so much.

But there just something not quite right. And I'm suffering for it on a daily basis. And I'm tired and fed up with going through the same stuff everyday. And in all honesty. Alot of my suffering comes from prospective and thought processes.

Does anyone wanna talk with me about some things that might help? In particular dealing with people no matter who they are. Can be very stressful and cause lots of procrastinating about pros and cons. In particularly people who i think about reaching out to for support. Because of dilemmas dramas and social dynamics. And picking up on things that "aint really happening" "gut feelings type of stuff " "intuition" that type of thing. And enjoying time with people is great! I just tend to be overly preoccupied with symptoms to be worried about socialising sometimes "Symptoms which involves others"

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In response to: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember28 Aug 2017, 11:28 pm AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Hello @Vanessa5

I hope that things are on the mend for you

I try very hard to not think about the future

it never turns out the way that I had thought about

even so I do know that anxiety can still creep through the cracks and needs to be acknowledged

take care

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember28 Aug 2017, 11:35 pm AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Adek

life has not been at all easy for you either

you show great strength in telling us about your difficult journey and all of the obstacles you encountered and eventually overcame

you have much to offer on this thread

thank you for your valuable insight

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor29 Aug 2017, 6:32 am AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Hi @Adek i asked about the beech because you mentioned the 20th floor a few posts ago.

And thanks @Former-Member these words you are writing are very wise and come with great insight. Those walks are priceless from my experience. I did a big bare footed walk along the beech yesterday morning.

And @Vanessa5 things will get better. You can always write on this thread if it ever gets to tough. And with my experiences i say, there is always a good day coming after a bad day or two. Highs and lows.

And @Appleblossom i hope all is going well for you.

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor29 Aug 2017, 6:57 am AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

I'm sorry if my writing advice seems to be patronizing anyone. Because i honestly feel I'm in no position to give advice, counsel or console anyone really...

I've got a problem with alcohol and drugs! It starts off as a few drinks. And then leads to using. And then leads to feeling miserable and recovering and clawing my way back to feeling human again... and it's a toxic situation for all involved... in particular myself. Cause I'm the one I'm hurting most.

Yesterday, i walked along a quiet beech with the dog. In my bare feet. And it was truly amazing and therapeutic. The dog was running back and forth along the lapping waves and barking. And wore himself out. And i felt happy to see this. And afterward i made a bacon and egg sandwich for brekky. And then i went to the op shop and found a toaster, kettle, ceramic water dispenser, and a coffee maker. Then a friend came around and i had a beer with him. Then i went for a walk to see another friend. ...... i question things once it's too late. ......

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Shaz51Senior Contributor29 Aug 2017, 11:34 am AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Sounds like you had a good but busy day yesterday @eudemonism , how are you today

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor29 Aug 2017, 1:32 pm AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Not too bad thanks @Shaz51 i just spoke my mind to my friend. And it was hard! He took a piss in my toilet. And then wipes his hands on the towel i use to dry myself with after ive showered. And I'm thinking. What the hell? And he makes a coffee. And he likes his coffee warm. So he puts extra milk in it. And I'm thinking. That milk needs to last me all fortnight. So i "spoke my mind " and feel likea big bad grumble bum for doing so... and then topped it off with the comment. "If i dont speak my mind and put myself first, no one else gonna do it for me! "
What do you think about this?
Lots more to the story...
And also, my neighbour comes over to bludge cigarettes off of me. And subtlety says. I just come over to have a coffee with you. And see how youre going. And he's talking about his excess money he got from electricity account. And celebrating his. Cure from cancer. And drinking. Using pokies. And how people are humbugging him and he's not giving it. And then he's asking me for tobacco.
It's stuff like this that really grinds on me! And i really get fed up with it!

Littlethings like this. (There's a big list! ) they happen once. They happen twice. They happen three times. And continue happening....) and it does my head in. Time and time again. But i suppose I'm the other side of the story for someone else! Do you think?

It's apart of why i go through so much social anxiety and hesitation / procrastination.

But on the bright side. I took myself and my dog walking. I had a lovely. Ham and salad sandwich for breakfast. I made the bed. Swept up. And am looking forward to some down time this afternoon.

Pretty much suffering from anxiety at any given chance i get. And then trying to counteract it with positive actions. But quite often the cycle goes bad. Meaning, i turn to alcohol or drugs. Or coffee, cigarettes or food. And it hurts. Or find myself in questionable company. And having missed two or three important ques tp act of stuff that was best for me and will help me more then anything else.

Me "friend" is with me at the moment. And he likes to drink alcohol. So he needs somewhere and someone to do this with. And it's a toxic, bitter and sour experience to be honest with you. So I've pushed it away as best i can to protect myself.

We don't wanna do the things that are good for us? We turn away from the things we need to do at the last moment? Because of fear?

Open rebuke is better then love that is hidden

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor29 Aug 2017, 2:33 pm AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Give me half a chance and i can very easily begin resenting the people in my life.

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor29 Aug 2017, 3:05 pm AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

So @Shaz51 what do you think? I think that apart of me. Is very bitter, twisted, spiteful and resents people who impose upon my life and cause stress and woe too me. You know. Stuff like eating my food. Smoking my smokes. Asking for rides. Using my place. I just dont like it.

And i suppose i am that somebody to another person... for instance. Perhaps the people i visit feel this way about me?

I lost the concept of friendship during my times of mental instability. And i think its always been apart of me. Greed, blaming, backbiting, name calling, insults, verbal abuse, resentment toward people, judging, ridiculing, commentating. Etcetera!

During my times of mental illness. I had a lot of time to think about how the social aspects of life work. You know. Popularity. Social hyracy. Outcasts. Ostracized. Secluded. Why one person has a wife, children, a house, a boat, a car, a career. And another doesn't? Why one man has a lover and another doesn't? Why some people seem to have it all together? And others don't? I went into hours upon hours. And days upon days. Weeks upon weeks. Years upon years. Of thinking about these sorts of things. Philosophical talk. Analysing. Debating reminiscing. Why does one man fall mentally ill and not another? Envy, jealousy, covetous. Hate.

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor29 Aug 2017, 6:10 pm AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

..........

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

AppleblossomSenior Contributor30 Aug 2017, 1:41 am AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@eudemonism

I had 6 good days and one useless day, so thats reasonably good. Its just the Royal Commission and feeling worried I have to get it all right but I am less panicked about it as it comes closer and I have a few people to work with me.

Re your post I think they are all reasonable things to think about and to talk about.

Its a delicate line to walk with being authentic about your feelings and being assertive and having people respect your wishes or over-react and storm off in a huff. Dont be too hard on yourself. Makes sense to me, no-one likes being used or lead astray.

My main problem now, is food bingeing but its also necessary for life, and as a mum, we also have to proved and enjoy food rather than make it a tedious weight watchers special.... another fine line.

I had a weird attitude to getting off drugs but it worked for me, and that was 35 years ago. I was working in a straight job in a high druggie area so I had to be strong, but also mainly focussed on the GOOD things and eventually squeezed out the rotten stuff. With slips here and there. On Saturday I went to a concert with a man friend, he is very gay, and a bit of a drinker, and I noticed that thing that they want to draw you in for company and collusion. I am old and tougher now and can be social and in a party mood with or without a drink. I never put down the other person, just stick to my one token wine, but then I have not had to deal with a lot of drunkenness.

I am glad you got out with your dog. I spent a lot of times on beaches when I was young.

@Adek Thanks for sharing about your meds battle. Being a biologist you woud have knowledge enough. I am glad you stood up for other patients. I have too, tho I have not been inpatient just a visitor, but I notice and I might stand close to someone "at risk" and stick my nose in without saying anything to let workers know they are being watched or befriend the person. I too, am accepting some meds are better than toughing it out feeling very very bad, but I was also angry, because I struggled to live life without them and had been in the world of licit and illicit. It also annoyed me that people in the mh field would push the drugs/meds like a magic pill when I had seen very unpretty side effects.

Its about individual needs and circumstances.

@Vanessa5 Wow I looked him up, I tend to be a bit scientific about dabblings in mysticism, but I have always loved Jung. Often too broke to be New Agey. It can keep one honest being broke, not always a bad thing,

Roisicrucian ... the Rosy Cross ... food for thought found in odd places.

Cheers all

@Former-Member I often talk about daily stuff, like what I am cooking or putting a load of wash on.

Not a cleen freek, play in the dirt, but only like to grow good germs.

Drizzle lots honey and cinnamon over pears and leave to ferment.

@Shaz51

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