Coming to terms with reality

Hey @eudemonism hope you can prioritise yourself today.

@eudemonismxo <><<

You don't have to give all the time, it's not a sin to say NO. Give from the heart, if you feel you can/want to, be strong. Some people use us, that's horrible, I believe. Just say, no I do not have enough at the moment, & if they treat you with hate, or disrespect, then don't let them into your life again.

One door closes, & a new door opens!

Love & Hugs!

Bella xo :)

@Former-Memberif I'm in a position to be getting out and about. I'm going to be trying to get out and about. By necessity not by desire. I know there is medicines out there that would literally make me sleep 14 hours a day. But it solves nothing and it's not much of a long term solution. It doesn't really help me put up much of a fight. Or get on with life.

So this depot medicine they got me on. It doesn't do much to help the anxiety. If anything it makes me full of hyper tension, agitation and restlessness. So it's literally a double edged sword. Sometimes i would prefer to be zonked out. But the medication that does have that effect. Also destroys my sex drive, makes me gain weight and makes me sleep all day. And it don't help me get out and about so i can function and do things. And get what i need.

Whereas the other meds. Make me wound up. Full of anxiety. Restlessness. Agitation and so on. My main problem is meeting my social needs. And getting social support. I been reaching out to numerous people and groups for my needs and support for the better part of a decade. And it comes with the fine print of having to adjust my thougths, words and deeds to the individual or the groups liking and basically making it about them. (So I'm not shunned and outcast) Whereas the alternative is to have people or groups reach out to me. And to have individuals or groups adjust their thougths, words and deeds to me. And making it about myself. I'm truly tired of it aye. It's driving me crazy.

Eude

@Former-Memberhere's an example. Every time i go and visit someone or go to participate in a group. I'm consciously forgiving them for all the wrong they have ever done to me. Have they done wrong to me? Yes indeed! Many times over. How many people do i have who forgive me and come and visit me? 1 person. My parents from time to time who visit for their own benefits. And a worker who is financially motivated. Do i feel screwed over? My word i do!... they prey upon people who sre only to happy to forgive them. And these people forgive them. Because they are weak and vulnerable. And they have no other options. And they know this. It's wrong. I'm sick of it. Plus the reason I'm inclined to socialize so much is because it's a great distraction from the depot injection side effects. It's a conspiracy... everyday whenever i think about making my next move. I'm in constant fight, flight or freeze response mode. Because of all the wrong and injustices that have ever happened to me. And I'm contemplating that it's just a matter of time before more wrong and injustices happen to me. Which i really don't like very much at all. Because I'm having to go through the forgiving process all over again. Otherwise I'll have nobody to be around and visit. Who is responsible for all this wrong and injustices?. The people in my life who I'm thinking about reaching out to for support. What is the result? Myself suffering from mental illness...

The socialising process is tricky @eudemonism

I still struggle with it, but am not as overcome with anxiety as I was when young.

Yesterday in conversation with kids in car, I recalled how nervous I was when talking when I was a teen and in my 20s. I would cover my mouth as I spoke. I was not aware of it til a tutor called me out on it at uni. Mostly I lived alone and in my head while studying, so when I spoke aloud it took a big effort to overcome shyness. I guess it was not a good look and probably put people off.

Sometimes its important to see how far I have come.

I can relate to turning myself into a pretzel to fit in ...

Take Care

@eudemonism

I do understand you Eude, 100% seriously I do.

Now from my experiences, not that I have had/have the same MI as you. It is what it is, now, to change the rut that you/we, get stuck in, my experience has been, walk away from all the so called friends that you have now. Get yourself totally comited to being on your own, doing some things that you like to you. Don't get too much on your plate or you will quickly get frazzled, & not continue on.

Example.

1. Healthy Life Style

2. Daily excersize

3. Taking more interest in your animal family

Just an example.

Let all know that will not be available, while you are busy with your new project.

Be strong & stick to it, turn your phone off, & don't answer the door to anyone, unless it's your parents. Pray & ask GOD, for HIS will in your life.

If you can stick to this, in what ever time it takes for you personally, you will have learnt to understand & know yourself much better. Then you will be attracted to, & attractive to, people that are more suited to, the real you. 🙂

At the moment, you are lost in a mess of- over thinking, over emotions, & serious frustration, from what I see, in what you are writing, continually.

I do understand about the side effects of meds, & how damaging they can be. I have had my experiences believe me. The side effects can stop us from, doing, & having what ever, when ever. I know that if you can collect enough proof, that your meds need to be changed. Then have your, Case Manager, &/or your PD, plus GP, give evidence at a MHT, you can be taken off them, & have them changed.

WEll, Food For Thought!

I need to rest now Eude, I do hope what I suggested, may have an positive impact, on you!

Love & Hugs!

Bella XO 🙂

@Sophia1

Hi, Sophia, thinking of you, I hope you are resting when you can, & having some fun. Life is too serious, we all need to have a little fun.

Love & Hugs!

Bella XO 🙂

One of things about weekly activities is that it is regular enough to get into routines - getting out of the house and socialising.

Not sure what would appeal to you. @eudemonism

Sometimes we have to try new things.

The more I realise how much I have WORKED on myself the more I can look others in the eye and get on with things ...regardless of their opinions ... finding dignity from within ...helps

I do not take being on a disability pension as being dependent, but necessary for damage done to me ....I am wise and try to be generous with it too ...

A friend once mentioned how keen his middleclass friends from the right side of town were happy to down my bottle of wine ... without even noticing ... it helped he noticed ...also give to those who need it ... but also learning to say "no" ...