Coming to terms with reality

@Sophia1

The oral meds have slowed me right down. I'm sleeping on more and having more afternoon rests. It's not that I've given up. It's that I've accepted what my life is and the circumstances I'm in.

It's not right and it's not normal... I should be much more active and I should be on a different path... But it's just not meant to be...

Yes I'm feeling very depressed and negative... Also unmotivated and lousy... But it's better than the alternative...

Eude

@Sophia1

Yea I like drawing and sketching. But pretty much all of my stiff looks like a child done it. I figure my writing and art career is very vein. And can only ever be so much. From my own opinion... I find writing and art a very desperate hobby to participate in... I have the com. And note books and pens. And art books and pencils and texters. But I usually forget about doing any work. Or get distracted.

Eude.

hello @eudemonism

sorry to hear that the oral medication is making you feel less motivated and causing you to sleep more...

If I was to try and assess my own drawing/sketching I would probably say to myself that ...a child could do far better....

I am only just starting though...

I also know that for most of my life my expectations of whatever I do have been far too high...

The main thing that appeals to me about writing and art....is letting go of thoughts and feelings...releasing images....I don't have to show anyone....it is for me....

I have not been able to do any for some time now....I do hope to start learning the drawing by observing....there is no teacher...just a group of people who do their own thing at a community centre...so I thought that when I am more mobile and in less pain I might just have a look...

as for the writing again...it has always been for my eyes only...not that I have done that much...

It is good that you have a car and can visit people when you are up to it...

Not long and that winter solstice date will be here...

Winter does affect many people...

Take care...keep in touch when you feel up to it....I don't want to keep on tagging you if you don't feel like being disturbed....

@Sophia1

Nah it doesn't matter... The medication is doing what it is supposed too...

A person I had a conversation with yesterday and this morning annoyed me so much bye what he said. 'You can't rely on other people to solve your problems' and in my experience of dealing with him. It's exactly what he does. So I felt he was contradicting himself and being a hypocrite while he's preaching this stuff to me as an answer. And while I'm knowing that he does the exact opposite.

Eude

good morning @eudemonism

I think that your summation of this person and his comments is spot on....

the old saying

practise what you preach

comes to mind.....

those negative comments are the ones we have to practise on letting pass over us...keep on practising so that it becomes easier not to be hurt or annoyed by the insensitive..selfish comments of others..

I have always been a very sensitive person Eude....when my mind struggles are worse..then I am at my most sensitive...my natural self protection guards are down....

at these times I often dwell on what was said by whom....how dare they...that was a self-centred...selfish...judemental comment and so on....until I eventually come up with the same answer..

.that they have an issue not me..

they try to make themselves feel better by saying negative comments to others...not nice people to be around...

there are times when I feel extra sensitive...more vulnerable...where I avoid people especially ...those within circle of acquaintances...husband's sporting clubs....even some family members...

Life is one big world of practising...thinking....feeling.....etc etc etc

then we remember to stop the mind.....

look around....

notice....

smile

at these times we are being true to ourselves....

@Sophia1

The messed up thing is... I think he told me what the support told him... Anyway life will go on...

Also I'm super frustrated about the end result of medication therapy...

Eude

Some of the best Art i ever did was for two small boys that i was caring for as a nanny. We drew and painted on big bits of butcher's paper with cheap paints and textas. Because there were no other adults around to judge my work and because the nature of my play with the boys was childish - I was free.

I try to do bits of art here and there in any circumstance. I have a diary that is really a scrapbook with a few words scattered around. If I like a cheese or chocolate i'll stick the wrapper in there. Anything goes. I am much more productive since I lowered my expectations of what i consider art to be.

@eudemonism

you wrote:

Also I'm super frustrated about the end result of medication therapy...

We know someone who is on a LOT of medication... If we take her out she needs two bags filled with meds, needles, tissues, you name it. It takes an hour to get her in the car. She is 77.

She also gets very frustrated at times, some days are better than others, but her blackouts have been a big worry for us lateley. So.... change in meds again.

It seems there are pills for anything and everything, including side effects.

We always joke if she sneezes or rubs her stomach or something innocent like that.....'THERE'S A PILL FOR THAT' we shout, and then laugh....

Keep up your meds, avoid people you cannot have a good time with, and if you're not happy with how you feel, make an appointment again, yes, a change maybe neccessary? If you feel flat and down all the time, guess what? There's a pill for that!! I am worried you say the "end result of the medical therapy" is super frustrating.

And not doing anything about it. I encourage you to go back and tell them how you feel.

I'm here with you matey!

Lots of love,

Grasshopper3

@Grasshopper3

It's hard to get the consistent feeling of wellbeing, where everything is good and okay, and where I have all my needs and wants met.

how do you know this lady that you speak of?

I'm finding life in general, too be very hectic and chaotic... Especially the social aspect of life, that's where a lot of problems come from, for myself...

So many factors and variables, come into play, throughout each day, which all effect my physical and mental health. It can be very hard to get the best result for myself...

Eude

@eudemonism

Yeah I get the struggle and perhaps anxiety dealing with people. I deal with a lot of them and I see everyone's living in their own bubble. They all live their own lives and have their own story to tell. When they talk to me it can feel like they are a disturbance, wanting to hurt my feelings and they can irritate the hell out of me with their 'yepping'.

It has helped me to concentrate on ME instead, while I look at them. At their mouth, their eyebrows, their noses and let what ever they tell me, just flow past me.... like a airflow that goes around me and doesn't touch me at all. It makes me feel THEY are the ones who are irritating themselves, they are hurting themselves, disturbing their own peace with their mindless chatter.

You must try it, let me know if it works!

Love,

Grasshopper3