Yet another problem

I guess we have only one mother .. even me with 2 fosters .. though I "knew" my mother was unable to love me I was still shocked and upset by the level of her discounting me and betrayal re daughter. 6 men warned to me about my mother, as I (am writing this I increase the number as I remember another0.

Then there is the fear that we turn out the same way as our mothers .. in some ways we are similar to them and I try to compensate or double guess the situation ..to stop me making the same mistakes as she did.

If we hate them too much it comes back to bite us on the bum ...

I give away my power all the time .. I was terrified my boy might suicide like my brother .. but at least for the last few years I have been enjoying him and he has enjoyed life a bit.

He just jumped on piano playing a gorgeous Chopin Prelude ..

@PeppiPattyEnjoy your friendship with your ex .. it sounds very special .. treasure it ... guard it .. dont worry about happy families and having the mothers involved .. unless he puts that on you ... he doesnt does he?.

If we get too black and white about things they get worse I put in a bit of colour or grey to stop my thinking from getting too extreme, cos then I'm up the proverbial

Hey Anne.

I dunno I was kind of ok by myself in my apartment but I definelty still had problems there but in a way was much better there then at my dads. Alot more peace and quite until the next door neighbour turned up the music.

But I have worked on this trust business and seems to be the source of my schitzophrenia, and depression.

Its just hard keeping up the mental side of things ofcourse.

re: you

I feel the same about my mother and father if one of them is not loving the other is and vice versa, you can never seem to get any sense out of them.

... It is predictable with my father, his behaviour focuses souly around me at his house. I can not breath without him knowing about it... But I try not take it personally, my brother 'AND' me are the basis of the problem. Like you always keep telling me that my brother and me are most important, that is my parents kryptonite, they are useless without us children. When my father does something that I feel is a personal attack on my I try and look at it as a weakness of his, that he can not understand feeling etc. The more I do that the less stressed I feel.

It is hard work and not really a nice thing but I try and look at it that way. 😄

There is this idea floating around that children give "meaning" to life .. beyond the superficial things of work and sex and help us grow and lean about love.. its ongoing .. not fixed

and children do .. we do ..

but that puts a lot of pressure on all us poor kids.. mediating between not quite properly grown up mothers and fathers .. thats why the heavenly bastard in the sky was invented.

@PeppiPatty Hey Anne how you doing there?

I been ok, but I had a really bad panic attack today, on the train and had to get my mum to pick me up. I thought of my brother and how we need to connect and I am trying to get in contact with him.

I feel like there is not much I can do about these panic attacks, some how or another they get a hold of me, me and my brother have not been getting along but I am hoping to soon when he calls me.

Hope all is well with you 😄

Hey Lee,

Missed you all....@Appleblossom ....everyone. but needed to get my focus on myself again. Your gonna have a giggle on this one .....yesterday I got information that the stalker is fighting previous charges. But guess what ? I got with it, stopped feeling sorry for myself, got support and those two support letters.

What a doodlebrain ......

Its been months of nightmare. My brain got twisted. But onward soldiers. I've contacted my Psychotherapist again about me writing a paper on what feminism means for women struggling times of mental ill health.

And on that note....i feel your Mum has changed to being more caring. Hmmmm. Yes, it feels like theres a change of heart somewhere in her. It feels like shes proud of you about something.

Do you know what it is ?

Your brother is going to be fine. Its been a like.....stormy sea fell in his kitchen and disrupted all his life.....maybe not his work though. He is the one you have a connection with. You write of he seems not to be getting along with you. That feels like something you can handle hey ? You are taking everything day by day ? I am.

Can qnyone else comment ?

Please write soon.....

Hi Anne, glad to see you back, well done on the great work you are doing fighting through all of that craappy legal stuff!

struggling a bit here too with law, legal stuff, and fam court. sigh! sun keeps on coming up though.

LJ

Hi @Troubled_One you are amazing you try to be positive and still struggle with big emotions.

Glad your mum helped, hope you are calmer now.

Has your brother responded to you.

When I get panic attacks, I have to slow down. It might put me out of action for a week.There is often a sense of it following an inner process to its own conclusion. Not easily controlled by the will. Eventually I figured out the major cause and now they arent triggered in the same way. Though I have to admit that I probably have mild panic all the time.

@PeppiPatty Yay about the paper. Good to see you posting again.

Dear @@Appleblossom, @@lisajane

My dear friends.

Lisa Jane, What do you feel is the best outcome for you....in our paternalistic society ?.if I was with you, I would clean your home and bring you over a yummy meal.

We have forgotten the power of loving love, nuterance, sitting not speaking, flowers on the table.

You havent.

Stay safe. The world will go around today, lets see the long term outcome of his actions. Remember to stay quiet. Men like your husband unfortuntely dont change....