FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Apologies for this long, ranting post, but I have to get it out of my head. I don't care if you read it or not.

For weeks now, I felt so incredibly overwhelmed with sadness; on the edge of tears constantly that never get released. I'm back on medication for depression which doesn't seem to be working after 3 weeks.

Nothing brings much satisfaction anymore, not even my job, which was one thing I had to hold onto to keep me going. And after yet another impulsive attempt and a trip to hospital last weekend, where I also take shifts, my professional conduct & capacity is being questioned by other staff and departmental managers. I don't blame them; I would probably feel the same way.

My SI is actually an acceptable 'coping mechanism' for my BPD when life gets to much, and I need to shut down. But now it's become a burden and problematic because of how often I've presented to hospital in the last 6months. Often if I feel 'safe' enough, I stay home and sleep it off. So now, after feeling like I've burdened health services to the point of annoyance, I feel like I have go ahead and made a proper effort because I deserve to be punished for that. I can't 'urge surf' these SI/SA thoughts anymore. I feel compelled to put them into proper action. Now that I have made that decision, I am scared, that if I really intend to go through with it, there's no coming back, no tommorows.

Why do I now suddenly care so much about dying, when I never did before with any other major attempts? I don't really know, but it's got me really rattled how stuck my mind is on making it work. I guess maybe I want to stick around for a bit longer. But this feeling of hopelessness is all consuming and strong.

I don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to anymore, as the support services have heard it all before, so nothing they suggest helps. Not even my loved DBT skills help. How do you keep going when nothing helps, loved ones can't reach you, and it's just takes so long to feel any bit of right?

2548 replies

711 - 720 of 2,548
1...717273...255

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Former-Member I can certainly relate to all those big feelings that you are describing. I feel alone because I AM alone here in the real world. I too feel defeated and severely distressed.

I think perhaps where we differ is that I know I CAN keep going if I want to. For me the question is more a matter of whether I choose to or not. Right now, tonight, I choose to keep going. And right now, tonight, is all I need to deal with. I will deal with tomorrow when tomorrow comes.

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Unknown userMember

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

I'm in bed @Faith-and-Hope .

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Former-Member you SHOULD be here, don't you go anywhere. You need us, and I need you. I don't fret over people I don't care about, and I was very concerned for you. I thought a number of scenarios

1. You'd been bitten by a snake on your walk & were slowly dying because you were al9ne
2. You had eloped with @TAB to your own secret island & left us all behind

And 3. Well, I'm not even going to say this one out loud. Because it was my worst fears that I have for everyone, including me.

Your mother is just a mean, unappreciative women @Former-Member. That's not your fault.

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Unknown userMember

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

I can't get a job @Phoenix-Rising,and I feel I am at the end,had decided to agree after much reluctance to carers for my benefit more than hers,to take pressure off myself.Have many issues with my mother,yes she has problems, but also issues that contributed to my breakdown through the stress,including the fact that she never helped herself and she is lazy in many ways.My uncle told me years ago my late father complained about her to him.And times like today,she can be the most cold self centred b****.I said to the Dr before it wasn't healthy for me to be her carer.I am trapped in a life with nothing to offer.

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Unknown userMember

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Thanks @Sans911,I have to log off for a short time,otherwise the moderator will be onto me and O might be triggering others.

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Unknown userMember

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Hi @Former-Member,

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling alone, lonely and that you shouldn't be here. As @Sans911, @Faith-and-Hope, @Phoenix_Rising, and @outlander said, you are valued and not alone here on the forums - we want you here! As I am quite concerned about your welfare, I am sending you a check-in email.

Please let us know if you are safe!

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Phoenix_Rising - you always seem to have the right words to say that make people feel heard and validated. It's unfortunate that we, those of us with BPD, often know what to say because we've heard too many times what not been said to us.

Yes, I have EUPD/BPD. Apparently, it's a subset of BPD or some such crap like that. I also have major depressive disorder (which seems to be treatment resistant) and anxiety. So the ECT was suggested for my depression. I'm generally a high functioning person, even in the midst of all this my insight has remained mostly intact; my judgement is impaired though. Although I've never seen ECT in action, and my only visual of it is from 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' (not the best representation), but I do know the efficacy of it is still debatable to this day. And even if it is suitable for me, why has it not been raised with my own pdoc? That's certainly a discussion I'll be having with her on my next appt.

My anger has settled greatly (thanks also to prn meds), but again I'm so utterly disappointed with his almost pushy salesman tactic. And having to rehash my whole life history that lead to today was not uncomfortable so much as trying to make him understand the complexities of it, as I had to repeat myself several times. I can talk about my history like I'm buttering toast, as long as no one goes digging deeper than the top layer. I felt also like I was having to justify my depression. Sheesh.

Im just struggling to keep going @Phoenix_Rising. BPD and any MI is still greatly misunderstood & I was made today to feel like I was such a problem because I refused treatment. I can just see my file & what's written in it now.

Thanks again @Phoenix_Rising. You are one special 🐢

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Former-Member too late!! @Former-Member is already onto you 😂!

Stay lovely. Talking with you is a distraction for us both.

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Sans911

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Unknown userMember

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

I'm OK @Amour_Et_Psyche, knew I needed time out to calm down.Going to useless but nice Dr tomorrow who will probably only get me to hi-five him again .Thanks
711 - 720 of 2,548
1...717273...255

SANE Forums is published by SANE with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health.

SANE Forums does not provide crisis support.
If you need immediate assistance, please see available crisis services.

Learn more about SANE and SANE services at sane.org

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

SANE is a public company limited by guarantee and registered tax-exempt charity with DGR (Deductible Gift Recipient) status.

Charity ABN 92 006 533 606. Donations of $2 or more are tax deductible. SANE, PO Box 1226, Carlton VIC 3053.