**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Hi @Sans911

I am not sure if your mh workers have specific agendas, but I started writing notes down about my appointments years ago. Sometimes they were questions, or responses, or just areas I wanted to discuss.

As I was not much of a talker back then, the writing down was key and a reminder when in overwhelm (like @CheerBear said) and so important to getting me to vocalise.

It can be a way of expressing something from within the sense of overwhem and then being able to work on it. I dont think there are any :right: questions, just genuinely the ones that emerge from within your own story.

Take care

@AppleblossomThanks for your post, it is appreciated. I too get stuck when i am overwhelmed, which is the point I am getting to now before my appt. I have some things I want to know, some gaps I want filled, so yes, perhaps I should write those down. I don't know this pdoc very well, so I don't know what her plans or even assessment of me is. This is my third visit. So may be today i'll focus on getting to know what the answers are to that. Thanks, you've given me some things to start with.

@Appleblossom@Faith-and-Hope@CheerBearWell, Appleblossom, I followed your advice , and got only partial answers, but that's enough for now. But I did write after the appointment some key issues that are important right now; I have never done that before. My appointment with the pdoc, and then my case manager were both fine, except for my level of frustration at nothing changing, and not even for some time yet. I don't have to be admitted to hospital, thank goodness, but I wasn't entirely truthful and they never asked about my level of risk right now. They actually think I look better; perhaps I am and I just don't realise it.

I was enouraged to go back onto medication just to try to balance my mood instability. It was one of the first ones I trialled, which worked well for about 6months. It's not that I am against medication per se, but the risk to me that they represent in terms of my occasional impulsitivity and use for SH.

And I have to pull a brave front and confront my house mate very soon in a calm and rational manner as to when she intends to pay rent, or does she need to leave? It's been six weeks since she was made unemployed, and she is only making small efforts to look for work. She tells me money is coming from her parents overseas, but now there is some communication issue...hmmm. I haven't been able to work in for over 2months, and my unemployment benefit has had to cover the entire rent and utilities in this time. She is genuinely a nice person, but she is avoiding me a lot, and I (and my family) think she is hiding something. But I hate being the bad person.

So I continue to remain stuck, I can't work right now, and I have a very, very difficult journey ahead if anything is going to change for the better. I have never been ready for this change, as much as it is needed, I am not sure if I have enough strength to survive to the other side.

Thanks for the update @Sans911, been thinking how you got on this afternoon. I won't say anything about not being entirely truthful because I find I do the same thing.

I think you have shown a great deal of strength. Since joining here, you have been someone who has given me such good advice but as always, I guess it is hard at times to take our own advice.

From what I have seen on this forum, there are people on here that will support you in your difficult journey and help you to reach the other side regardless of how long that may take.

Big hugs to you tonight

💜💐💕 @Sans911 ....