FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Apologies for this long, ranting post, but I have to get it out of my head. I don't care if you read it or not.

For weeks now, I felt so incredibly overwhelmed with sadness; on the edge of tears constantly that never get released. I'm back on medication for depression which doesn't seem to be working after 3 weeks.

Nothing brings much satisfaction anymore, not even my job, which was one thing I had to hold onto to keep me going. And after yet another impulsive attempt and a trip to hospital last weekend, where I also take shifts, my professional conduct & capacity is being questioned by other staff and departmental managers. I don't blame them; I would probably feel the same way.

My SI is actually an acceptable 'coping mechanism' for my BPD when life gets to much, and I need to shut down. But now it's become a burden and problematic because of how often I've presented to hospital in the last 6months. Often if I feel 'safe' enough, I stay home and sleep it off. So now, after feeling like I've burdened health services to the point of annoyance, I feel like I have go ahead and made a proper effort because I deserve to be punished for that. I can't 'urge surf' these SI/SA thoughts anymore. I feel compelled to put them into proper action. Now that I have made that decision, I am scared, that if I really intend to go through with it, there's no coming back, no tommorows.

Why do I now suddenly care so much about dying, when I never did before with any other major attempts? I don't really know, but it's got me really rattled how stuck my mind is on making it work. I guess maybe I want to stick around for a bit longer. But this feeling of hopelessness is all consuming and strong.

I don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to anymore, as the support services have heard it all before, so nothing they suggest helps. Not even my loved DBT skills help. How do you keep going when nothing helps, loved ones can't reach you, and it's just takes so long to feel any bit of right?

2548 replies

2,341 - 2,350 of 2,548
1...234235236...255

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Snowie - yes I saw that on your other thread. It seems to be that the less sleep you have, the more nightmares you get; would that right?

The walk group meets every Wed & Friday.. The walk I did yesterday afternoon was a different group that has just started. At the moment it's monthly, but I might be able to train up to be a volunteer and fill in a fortnightly space. It was really good yesterday to be out in green space talking to some really nice people. I'm also in the process of volunteering at a local op shop 2 half days a week. I just want to start feeling productive & social again. Although I'm an introvert, I like small interactions.

Jasper is here on my lap purring up a storm!

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Well done on volunteering and being productive @Sans911 its good to hear

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@outlander - it's good to get out of my head and thoughts. We spend way too much time there. Btw I love teaching people skills, so I'll happily teach you more DBT skills if/whenever you want. It's good for me too. I want to do the Workplace Assessor and Training Certificate IV at Tafe but it's a year long course. It pretty much gets you in anywhere as an educator.

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Yes we sure do @Sans911 sounds good what your doing too. Oh you would be a great educator! Oh i hope you can do that course- sounds great for you

And with dbt skills not sure where to start so its up to you when and what we start with lovely. I only know basically parts of the distress tolerance skills and whatever ive picked up on through others.

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@outlander - it would be good for you to learn about emotional regulation. It's something you (and I) struggle with. We can do little bits at a time like 20 or 30min slots once a week. How does that sound?

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sure sounds good to me @Sans911 🙂

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

SnowieSenior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Sans911yes you are right, the less sleep, the more nightmares.

The walking group sounds good and if you can train up to ba a volunteer that would be reeally great too. Love the thought of helping out at the op shop too. They sound like some really positives steps forward for you even with getting smashed by several buses.

Super proud of you @Sans911

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Snowie - yeah, yesterday was something. It all happened in the space of an hour. I was texting my foster sister about it, bawling about it all and she took time out of work to call me. I told her she could have picked better timing so I didn't have to bawl in her ear, but it was nice to have her support really. I called her back later yesterday after my walk. Between her & another mh nurse I trust I think that's what got me through without going to SI/SH.

I'm proud of you too @Snowie. Your in a place that's unfamiliar to you, you struggled big time over the weekend, but you dug your heels in, stood your ground. Is hubby & kids visiting this weekend? Can you go out somewhwre with them?

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

SnowieSenior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Sans911 i am glad your foster sister was there for you yesterday. We need those connection irl. Anything we do to get through at the time.
Am hoping to get some day release for the weekend. If i can there is a park across the road where i can go with them and they can bring the dog in too. Miss all of them. Hubby coming in today to have lunch with me.

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Snowie - that's really nice your husband is coming for lunch with you. And day leave on the weekend sounds great. I'm sure your children will be over the moon to see you.

I'm done with my morning walk group. It's a big, organised group that walks around the inside of a shopping centre! Yeah, sounds odd doesn't? But although they're mostly older, everyone walks however many laps they can at whatever pace they can. I feel like I made a good effort, and there was lots of lovely people to talk to. We often forget our older folk and their importance in society. I go for this same walk on Friday.

I've got a dental appt soon & physio after lunch. Enjoy lunch and I will catch up with you later today.
2,341 - 2,350 of 2,548
1...234235236...255

SANE Forums is published by SANE with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health.

SANE Forums does not provide crisis support.
If you need immediate assistance, please see available crisis services.

Learn more about SANE and SANE services at sane.org

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

SANE is a public company limited by guarantee and registered tax-exempt charity with DGR (Deductible Gift Recipient) status.

Charity ABN 92 006 533 606. Donations of $2 or more are tax deductible. SANE, PO Box 1226, Carlton VIC 3053.