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Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor15 July 2017, 1:02 am AEST

Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Apologies for this long, ranting post, but I have to get it out of my head. I don't care if you read it or not.

For weeks now, I felt so incredibly overwhelmed with sadness; on the edge of tears constantly that never get released. I'm back on medication for depression which doesn't seem to be working after 3 weeks.

Nothing brings much satisfaction anymore, not even my job, which was one thing I had to hold onto to keep me going. And after yet another impulsive attempt and a trip to hospital last weekend, where I also take shifts, my professional conduct & capacity is being questioned by other staff and departmental managers. I don't blame them; I would probably feel the same way.

My SI is actually an acceptable 'coping mechanism' for my BPD when life gets to much, and I need to shut down. But now it's become a burden and problematic because of how often I've presented to hospital in the last 6months. Often if I feel 'safe' enough, I stay home and sleep it off. So now, after feeling like I've burdened health services to the point of annoyance, I feel like I have go ahead and made a proper effort because I deserve to be punished for that. I can't 'urge surf' these SI/SA thoughts anymore. I feel compelled to put them into proper action. Now that I have made that decision, I am scared, that if I really intend to go through with it, there's no coming back, no tommorows.

Why do I now suddenly care so much about dying, when I never did before with any other major attempts? I don't really know, but it's got me really rattled how stuck my mind is on making it work. I guess maybe I want to stick around for a bit longer. But this feeling of hopelessness is all consuming and strong.

I don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to anymore, as the support services have heard it all before, so nothing they suggest helps. Not even my loved DBT skills help. How do you keep going when nothing helps, loved ones can't reach you, and it's just takes so long to feel any bit of right?

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In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor09 Feb 2018, 9:55 am AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

A fountain of knowledge indeed! @Sans911 i havent been drawing lately or really doing much except for my walks but havent been doing much of those either.
Im not usually one to pamper myself but it sounds nice. I am not one for baths when its that time of the month so will have to wait a few days. After 4 days of horrible cramping it decides itll come today.
I brought some lavender oil to help with sleep and anxiety but didnt do much. Apparently you put some on your wrists like a perfume. Really strong aromas make me feel yukky so it can't be too strong a smell. You use to run your own business? In massages or oils or both?..... thats a idea for you! What about starting up your buisness again.maybe not so much the massage side of things but oils advice?

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor09 Feb 2018, 10:03 am AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sorry all, mods asked me edit and repost this.

Morning lil Sis @outlander 😊. The doco was Netflix & was called Twinsters.

Pleased to hear you got some sleep. I had to take extra meds to help me sleep and pain relief and didn't get to sleep until after midnight.

No, my last SA were over a month ago & my injury is still causing me pain and discomfort. Even now just leaning on anything is uncomfortable, even a pillow. But I can't lay on my right side all the time. And if if it's touched by anyone it's also painful.

I have my GP appt in about 3 hours and my psychologist after lunch. I'm supposed to be meeting a new case manager, but he rang during my procedure yesterday, and despite me calling him back several times he never returned my calls.

What's your plans today?

And morning @Former-Member @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Bubbles3.

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor09 Feb 2018, 10:16 am AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

No probs though i cant actually see a difference @Sans911

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor09 Feb 2018, 10:17 am AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@outlander - I primarily had a massage business but I used aromatherapy oils in my massage. I would have to have an official qualification in aromatherapy which I don't have & not inclination to get at the moment. I've been involved as a confirmed aromatherapy companies, but there's so many these days, and it's sheer hard work getting people to buy oils, as the proper ones aren't necessarily cheap. Rose oil is about 50bucks for 10mls! True essential oils come in either brown or dark blue bottles. And have the scientific name under the English name. Best place to get them is health food shops or chemists. Lemon or orange oils are about $10-15 dollars, as is lavender. If you're buying them at cheap discount stores, they're fragrances only.

The chemical compounds in essential oils react when they are put on your skin. So your chemical make up will react quiet differently to someone else. There are some oils I can't tolerate at all. But some of the stronger ones I'm ok with; you just have to use a lot less.

Oils are best placed on any pulse point if you want to use them as a perfume. So side of neck and inside of elbow, top of feet.

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor09 Feb 2018, 10:19 am AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Confirmed=consultant @outlander

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor09 Feb 2018, 10:26 am AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Clever little chicken arent you @Sans911 when i was going through school i thought about doing a massage course but decided against it for a few reasons.
The lavender oil i brought wasnt too cheap and was in a dark brown bottle with a green label. I cant quite remember the name of it but was told to buy a base oil too which was almond oil at the time. I buy them from the chemist but i dont find the mix im making is working or making anys difference at least it makes my room smell pretty. I was using them through that 2 week period when i wasnt sleeping so it didnt help with sleep. I brought a bracelet that you infuse with oils but it was too wet and dripped everywhere ao ended up using a paintbrush and painted each bead an hr before bed. I wasnt using them as a perfume thats just what i was told by someone else to make them more effective.
What ones would you suggest for sleep, relaxation, (wish there was one for nightmares!) And anxiety?

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Unknown userMember09 Feb 2018, 10:33 am AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Sans911I have recently got into oils and use a brand called doTERRA oils. Find them good and use them on myself, kids, in a diffuser, for cleaning and also put the in water and food. I am finding them helpful.

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor09 Feb 2018, 10:38 am AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Yep those are the ones i use too @Former-Member

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor09 Feb 2018, 11:06 am AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@outlander @Former-Member doTerra is a good brand. So is In Essence, Tinderbox. @outlander do you have an electronic diffuser? I have about 4, so I'll send you one haha? The better ones have a timer so you switch them on about an hour before sleep, and they stop about an hour or 2 later. You don't need carrier/base oils in diffusers; just water. Some oils are safe to be applied to the skin, like lavender. But if there's one's you've never used before just put a tiny drop and wait 24hours to make sure you don't get a reaction. You can blend up to 3 oils in a diffuser. You use between 1-3 drops per oil depending on how heavy the oil is. Like Ylang Ylang and is heavy, and Lavender is light. Chamomile & Marjoram is helpful for sleep (with lavender).

Bergamot, Frankincense & Neroli help with anxiety. Bergamot, Lavender & Marjoram used in a base oil and massaged into the lower abdomen are good for period pain.

You can also buy empty roll-on bottles or other containers and make your own blends. It's not hard. To make moisturiser, you use a base of unscented plain cream like vitamin E.

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor09 Feb 2018, 11:15 am AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

No i dont have a diffuser at all so yes please send one my way 😉 @Sans911
I think ill invest in one though. I seen them at the chemist so will look and see if theres one with a timer.
Haha its not hard you say yet your making my head spin with all these names but it is making sense what your saying.
Ill write them down and see if the chemists near me have them before ordering online.
And will do the testers before applying more too.

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