**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope,grew them in the garden..love my male of the 🏠..my cat more but.Have missed you,think of you when I see the Brumbies or this morning when I saw a emu and her two babies .

Have missed you too @Former-Member, and tha5 has just brought a smile to my face ..... 😊

I wish you to see them more often @Former-Member .....

I understand some of that feeling @Former-Member ..... I was chatting on another thread this morning about feeling somewhat frozen in term of my life and what I would ordinarily have been doing with my days. I’m sticking pretty heavily to the baseline of health and hygiene and not much more ..... a bit leaden. I am “resting” here until I feel better. It’s a form of situational depression that is probably quite appropriate to my circumstances ..... my system saying “enough !” and switching into a slower mode.

Fell asleep last night @Faith-and-Hope.Past month or so,over Xmas and New year,two days last week in bed,I have been sleeping alot.They call it hypersomnia I think.The stress of my mother and last week putting up with her making out I'm irrational or on Friday she accused me of stopping her from going out which was completely untrue and demented thought,I retreat to sleep to escape and my mind shuts down which to me is the closest thing to not living.My self worth at the moment is low and yesterday I tried a top on in a shop and was there hating who I seen in the mirror....the self hate was potentially life threatening.When I had anxiety those few weeks I could walk to the end of the earth,when I'm like this I have trouble putting one foot in front of the other.Depression is crippling.

I understand @Former-Member. My youngest two have been staying in bed for weeks at a time in a darkened room, and both are on Vit D supplements as a result, less so lately, but it’s still there.

Something I would like you to know, and I think this is important for anyone with low self-esteem, and particularly weight issues, to understand is that there are differences between mirrors. We had renovations done to a house at one stage, under a project manager. He was replaced during the contract with another one who had been a furniture supplier.

He pointed out to me that the mirror that had been installed in my then-adolescent daughter’s room was a cheap one and that (going on memory here cos it was a while ago now) the thickness of glass in the mirror can distort our appearance to look larger than we are. Suppliers will sometimes supply a thenly glassed mirror but charge the cost for a thickly glassed mirror, knowing that most people don’t understand the difference.

He said that the thinly glassed mirror was going to be bad for my daughter’s self esteem, and he chased up the supplier to provide the one he ought to have for the $ he was charging us. I quickly began to realise that shops buy the cheapest mirrors for their dressing rooms, unless it’s a high-end boutique, and shop windows give the same sort of distorted reflection. Add harsh lighting that knocks the natural shadows out of your reflected image, and it explains why shop dressing rooms are the worst places to visit.

At one stage mr.f&h had suggested that MIL move in with us ..... I can’t imagine ..... I am so sorry you have such a difficult situation to bear with your mother. So glad you are back with us where you can vent about it ..... that can be such an important part of coping.

Glad to hear you venting too @Sans911. My journey in the mh arena has been so much shorter than others of you here, and there is clearly much to be changed. In speaking out we are refusing to accept inappropriate behaviours and responses, no matter who they are from, and what sort of authority that person appears to wield.

One therapist (bless them)said to me, “you are the expert of your own circumstances .... no mh professional is walking in your shoes ..... you are .... and that makes you the expert of your own experiences.” I have found that so empowering when I am in such disempowered circumstances. I hope it helps you both too ....

💜

Morning @outlander ..... 💕