Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

Thank you @NikNik

Your sugestions are what I was beginning to think needed to happen.

I have called Carers Vic and will work on boundaries with son and self care with them.

I think it was good for me to go full on .. it has helped me see the current state of affairs in mental health from a more general point of view, of self or family. It has helped me get over my computer allergy and associations with ex .. it is just a tool out there and very prevalent in the community.

I will be dropping in less often .. but it is important that people can share their truth .. even though I realise that mine is a very mixed bag.

The "trigger" thing is not completely clear to me yet. I did call the helpline a week ago and a young girl sugested that mental health is one of my passions and I think that is a very good way of putting it.

Because of the prolapses in my neck discs I had to be patient at working out all those physical triggers.

The good outcome is that I am fairly clear now about a lot of life issues. My trust has been seriously damaged. Isolation is not severe for me because I enjoy teaching, though I cannot share about these other major parts of my life. I guess that is one boundary I do understand. But I have not really been able to find a good friend and I have really tried .. so am making do with more casual contacts. This forum was good as I could just be free to be me.

It is also hard as I do not want to manipulate anybody but my feelings show up intensely and out of control if I dont give them enough validity in day to day life.

We do influence each other .. its just hard to work out how .. I try and make it for the good ..

I talked to my son a while ago about not wanting him to know how bad I was feeling and him knowing anyway.

Yeah.

Its tough. Especially when there is not much good going on in our lives to out weigh the bad. I do not want to manipulate anyone else either and feel like if I do I am too good a person to let that slide.

... I am the same with my feelings etc if I do not let them in I find I panic at some stage, but its hard when to know when to let them in.

I find people knowing what I do is kind of making me vulnerable in a negative way though. Like I have betrayed my own self or that person has betrayed me, if I choose to not let them know but feel I did.

It can get quite confusing.

Yep .. thanks @Troubled_One to some extent I accept that is the way til the end. Its confusing but we have no option but to keep working things out once we are out of the womb.

How do we care?

Some people have assumed that because I can be in my head or go into coping and capable that I dont have feelings .. but of course I do .. I guess it is about the body heart and mind being aligned.

We cant take responsibility for our parents .. they have to face up to their anger and frustrations and disappointments and the GOOD moments.

Each generation have their own lives to lead .. and challenges

But we can try not to get onto a toxic see saw.

I am very wary of all dualistic thinking .. of good and evil ...(and yes and no ... in my thread about boundaries).

I do think human beings are a bit like plants and tend to seek out the light but also grow in the dirt.

I see paradox everywhere.

I would aceept my son leaving home or staying .. whatever is best for us .. may not be the same for you @Troubled_One and your dad.

If you can cope on your own and manage bills and house stuff then maybe it is better .. i dont have fixed ideas .. a bit of distance can be good and in human life cycle there are different pressures at different times.

Today, I went to see my Carers Vic psych (10 mins late) People tell me I dont ask for help .. but I do .. its just that somehow I am unworthy of real ongoing relationships, connections and there is too little help too late.

All I really wanted was to have some one to relax with to talk about a book or watch a movie etc. It has been very hard to get even that. I am very jittery and jumpy .. I feel like I have been constantly battered .. maybe I need more medication, maybe I am unsafe too. I am confident teaching but my sense of being a viable person is seriously compromised.

Why Cant I get help. well dressed nice ladies tell me there is enough help and I try to acces it reasonable and fairly and not take advantage etc .. if I dressed up more and schmoozled people more