I only just saw this tag, my oversight - apologies for the late reply @Former-Member@WinterSun
Words leave me @WinterSun to express what I am feeling for what you have and are going throughf - for the loss of your son. I am so sorry. The pain unimaginable.....I do hope we can help support you in some way as what you are going through i can relate is truly horrific.
I had similar struggles with my daughter. She has been diagnosed with bi-polar, borderline personality disorder all which seemed to occurr after sexual assault, an abusive relationship, mixing with the wrong people whom used and abused her and her self medicating with pot and other drugs. It was a nightmare.
She did become violent towards myself and husband unprovoked and our safety was at risk. She would also verbally abuse and smash up the house, garden and our car - all unprovoked. We had to call the police on quite a few occasions. There was no talking or reasoning with her. She was very cold and had real anger issues that nearly saw her in jail. Her lifestyle was very risky. She was also expressing sociopathic personality traits - something she learned from her sociopath boyfriend (now ex). We had an AVO put on her and she stayed at a refuge for awhile. She said she had changed and wanted to come back home to which we allowed, and the same scenario happened all over again. It was too soon. She had not, would not, receive adequate help.
She attempted quite a few times with last attempt near fatal. She was scheduled with the last one but never received proper help with the mental health team dropping her and having no regard for our dilemma. We dealt with this over 5 years approx all alone.
When she got on her feet again on her return from hospital the disrespect/abuse/massive mood swings continued. She would not clean up after herself, trashed the house and refused to pay rent. So we asked her to move out. She had accrued a lot of debt but we could not go on like it.
She did and made "a big turnaround". She missed us a lot and while allowing her to stand on her own two feet she knew that we were there for her. We visited each other and for the first time in years she treated us with love and respect. She was making real progress at work, became tidier and was vastly improving. Her mental health improved and continues to. She has addressed her debts and is now taking in two jobs to repay them.
She now once again has moved back home with us as the rental arrangement fell through but she is looking for another rental to move again. We get on much better and are much closer when we are living apart. Even now whilst home she will slip back abit but not as bad as before. We are making sure it does not happen again with helping her find a place to live close by.
That is some of my background. Going through all this, watching her decline and self destruct, and enduring her abuse was nothing short of a nightmare. At times I just didn't think I could handle it anymore - the stress and emotional pain was horrific. But we are emerging from the worst of it now and I am just starting to heal. The latter went on for six years (she started at 15 is 22 in April.). Whilst this was going on my husband was battling (and still is) cancer.
I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through also with your other son. It's one day at a time - even just living moment to moment now that gets me through. If you want to talk further we are here for you. Sending a warm virtual hug 🤗
