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-Enigma-

Unknown userMember07 July 2017, 4:01 am AEST

-Enigma-

I have given up now - no one can say it was not without a fight. But then no one on heaven and earth would give a damn anyway. I gave from the heart and it was a joy to help others. I felt such peace with that. I never did it for anything in return ever, I did it because I truly cared and felt so much genuine compassion towards others. I was promised dreams and peace would come true even though I never asked. It felt so good to know I made someone's lives a bit better.

Why is it that people like me are then faced with so much heartache, injustice, trauma and adversity that seeks to do everything in its power to destroy that good, to take the little good and peace I had, to utterly destroy me. Why?

I had always been there when possible others times of need - now that I truly need someone I have been all but abandoned by those I knew and those in the spirit. I realise now everything was a lie and feel utterless helpless and lost. I have lost everything and don't see the point in being here. I hope I don't wake up to another day of despair.

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In response to: -Enigma-

Unknown userMember28 Feb 2018, 9:11 pm AEDT

Re: -Enigma-

Thanks @Bunniekins - I have everything crossed that the retreat will be a positive experience.

I did really enjoy my volunteer work again today, but am finding I am feeling tired. Your attitude of going with the flow is a very wise one as it's important to not go beyond our limits and overstress. I am trying to do just that now - go with the flow and ride it through, enjoying life where I can. Pushing through the hard bits.

Are the sciences the area you are particularly interested in?

In response to: -Enigma-

Unknown userMember28 Feb 2018, 10:16 pm AEDT

Re: -Enigma-

Hi @Former-Member
I’m just about to do some things and get ready for bed. I’ll try and reply later when I’m in bed.
💜🌸🌷

In response to: -Enigma-

Unknown userMember01 Mar 2018, 12:09 am AEDT

Re: -Enigma-

Finally in bed. @Former-Member
Sorry to read that your daughter had another abusive guy. I hope she does find someone nice. So hard for you seeing her with someone who doesn’t treat her right.
Now I’m having trouble remembering what you wrote and it’s on the other page, so I can’t read it.
You certainly keep busy and I do understand about the exhaustion.
I don’t know how you do it all.
Feeling for you and your husband.
Stressful selling your home too.
Does your daughter still live with you?

My daughter is so stressed a lot. Too much going on. It’s hard seeing her so stressed.
It’s very concerning actually.
She’s been having tests. Waiting for a big one coming up soon. Then another apt with neurosurgeon.
She started uni. That was another huge drama, enrolling etc.
I wasn’t sure if she’d still go to uni, but it’s good for her to keep moving ahead and have goals, despite what’s been diagnosed.
She took on more than I wanted her to. But that’s her.
She’s a high achiever and can’t stop her.
She can drop a course if it’s too much.
Stress and tiredness are things she needs to keep under control, if you know what I mean. I won’t say the negative.
Most days I wake and think , not another day. But I do try and be positive. Hard when I have to constantly push myself, like you do.
The stress has actually increased.
Just have to learn how to be at peace in the turmoil.

We actually went for a swim today. I bought 2 new swimmers, so I thought I’d better wear them.

I guess I should try and sleep.
Nice to hear from you.
Sorry I’ve not messaged lately. Life’s been tough.
I know you “get it”

💜🌷🌺

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

BunniekinsSenior Contributor01 Mar 2018, 7:28 am AEDT

Re: -Enigma-

@Former-Member yes I would love to be a volcanologist! so let us see how I go. I am more of the humanities side (my undergrad is in the humanities). So this will will be really stretching the grey cells but I need that and if I do well well maybe there might be work for me at 53!!!!!! Wouldnt that be a coup!

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 10:04 pm AEDT

Re: -Enigma-

Hi @Former-Member - I do totally get it. It's true that it's important for your daughter to not over do it, but you must be so proud of her resilience and determination to make a life for herself. It's only natural for us mums to worry.

My daughter is living with me. She is going well with her work but has decided to go back with the boyfriend whom has promised to change his way so as not to lose her - and he is "really bad news". She could be in danger (he is worst than the last psych she was with) and it is all getting too much for me now - together with my husband's neck surgery high is a serious op (he will be having it, received confirmation today).

I won't say too much as I am having a really bad day. Very down about it all. I have never helped others for anything in return but it would be nice if someone was here in real life for me to talk to. I am tiring of it all and just feel like giving up everything. Sorry Bella - in a bad way at the moment and I am sure you don't need that right now. So I will leave it here - don't want to upset you.

Your right, we just have to find peace in the turmoil right now. If you find a way please share as I am about done 💕

In response to: -Enigma-

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 10:11 pm AEDT

Re: -Enigma-

Really sorry to hear @Former-Member
I’m here for a short while. Am just about to go in the shower, but will check in on here after that.
If you want to vent that’s ok.
Do you have anyone in real life to talk to?
You give so much on the forums. I’m sorry to hear that you feel so alone.
I’ve had the worst day today, but I’m ok if you’d like to share more.

That is awful that your daughter has gone back to the abusive guy. So hard for you to see that happen.

sending hugs. 💜

In response to: -Enigma-

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 10:16 pm AEDT

Re: -Enigma-

Just read that you don’t have anyone in real life to talk to @Former-Member ❤️
That’s hard for you 😢
I know what it’s like to have too many stresses and feel like you’re not coping.
I feel like that today.
You wonder and hope that things will get easier.
Are you able to talk to your husband about how you feel? Or are you worried about burdening him?
💜

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 10:35 pm AEDT

Re: -Enigma-

Thanks for talking to me @Former-Member. He can't handle it - I can talk to him about most things but when I get a bad bout of depression, no I can't talk to him. I just found out my daughter's partner she decided to give a second chance to takes the drug Ice and can be violent. When she found this out she broke it off with him but he has promised he will change. The old line......she is falling for right and centre. I have told her he is not to come near the house or I will call the police. I don't feel safe.

My husband will have the surgery a long way from home and I will be alone here with her for ten days. My best friend is a mess as her husband is dying from cancer so I cannot bother her - she needs me. I love helping people but it's all starting to overwhelm me and I feel now I have nothing to give which is so out of character for me. I just feel like giving up. A really bad day my friend as life is just so hard at the moment.

Sorry you feel like too - I hope you have someone there for you to talk to. I think that is what gets to me the most when such hardship bowls me over - it's not so much the challenges and hard times, it having no one to talk to. I really appreciate you being there as I always will be for you. We can be there for each other

In response to: -Enigma-

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 10:38 pm AEDT

Re: -Enigma-

I’m still here &-Enigma- 💜

In response to: -Enigma-

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2018, 10:38 pm AEDT

Re: -Enigma-

@Former-Member above msg

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