Hello @Former-Member@Appleblossom@outlander@Bunniekins@Shaz51@oceangirl for your support 😘
I hope you slept well @Former-Member - I fell asleep around 3:00am.
Feel slightly better and calmer today. Did speak to my husband and after discussing what the surgeon said (part of that being he stated there is no guarantee he will be out of pain), we have decided to postpone the surgery until after our move as it would be too hard to juggle now (Together with the situation with our daughter). I physically would find it impossible. So I can breathe a little today. One day at a time.
I hope your day is a bit better @Former-Member - how are you feeling? How is your daughter today - are you both getting on better? I hope your day is going well.
Thanks for letting me vent last night and for listening - you are a lovely person and I appreciate it a lot.
I realise I feel somewhat alone when such life situations occur - although I do have friends at work. Maybe I should just take the plunge and reach out to them if it gets tough. Not sure. I don't like anyone to see me at my worse - I have been judged before.....And I don't want to let them down (they look up to my strength). I think I am more afraid of the latter than anything else. What to do? I will seek out counselling too. I have hesitated there as most of the time I cope - but judging by last night I can still become overwhelmed and go dangerously into a distress mode (flip out).
So I am not totally healed and don't cope at those times. I need a support network then. I am disappointed in myself but I do have to face that reality - I can't do it by myself all of the time. And who can I trust? Who would possibly understand my emotional distress? - these are my first thoughts and why I hesitate to seek help. I know people on here get it to some degree. And I am growing weary of doing it on my own all the time. I have been there for others and have been neglecting myself. This is possibly where the importance of self care comes into play.
My daughter has been quiet and respectful - she asked how her Dad is. She refuses drugs - then why does she stay with a drug addict? And how much longer can she say no to drugs being in that environment? Why is she not strong enough to stay away? I don't understand her - she learns he is not good for her, breaks it off with him then let's him talk her into going back. Sounds like battered wife syndrome?
She is deep down a good person, she loves me - why then doesn't she listen and learn from past bad experiences? Even though she loves us she keeps putting us through this knowing the pain she puts us through. Why? Why is she so bloody selfish? She has said we are the best parents...why?
I worry for her as this fellow could really hurt her. She has Borderline Personality Disorder, is this why? She told me he is worse than the last one who abused her - why does she stay?. If only she would chose the right people I know she would then be okay and thrive. Her job is going well again and she is being offered more work opportunities - why would she risk that? I don't want to receive any dreaded phone call. That is how I am living at the moment - on edge. And it is going over and over in my head. My life is on hold and I am sick of not being able to live. I want to live - I can enjoy life but something always seeks to destroy it. Who will be stronger - me or it? It really is a fierce battle. I don't think it is meant to be this hard @Former-Member
It felt good just to put that out there. What does a parent do but keep picking up the pieces? All said and down I am still looking forward to moving as it's my dream location and I find some peace in my cross stitching. What gives you peace? 💞
