Hello my dear @Maggie
How was your day my dear friend? My day was a mixed bag. I slept for about 10 hours last night, so felt much better today. Sleep for me makes all the difference to cope. My daughter woke up feeling better too and I gave her some flavoured jelly and a salad sandwich to eat, as she hadn't had much in the way of food for 48 hrs. Then I went down to her place of work to pick up a sick leave form for her. We stayed at the club to have some lunch when we received a phone call from her to say a chap from our volunteer work came over looking upset and wanted to speak to me and hubby. She said he would be back in twenty minutes. So we returned home and indeed he did come back.
He was quite upset about issues in his personal life that I won't go into - but he stayed and talked for about 5 hrs. I didn't think he was going to leave, but he was anxious and I wanted him to feel safe. He is a really nice young man and I have a lot of time for him. He spoke to my daughter for awhile and said she was really nice (yes, my head was wondering, hmmm, he would be good for her as he "never would touch drugs, is honest and a nice person, but a bit too old for her - he is 39, she 21, pity, she certainly would be safer). He appreciates us listening to him. When he left I made some home made pizza and watched the footy.
Then my daughter threw an emotional bomb at us. She said "what am I going to do when you move as I am in debt!! There will be you and dad living it up in a resort while I may end up in the streets! 😨 Was my reaction. She is forgetting she got herself into that mess by drug recreational use and being highly irresponsible. She forgets she ignored our advice and guidance. She forgets she uses us and trashes the place and causes us that much grief that I don't think we can take much more. And she throws this emotional threatening bomb. We won't be moving until 12-14 months time, but I now don't know what to do.
What do I do my friend?. It just seems like I can't free myself from this grief. So this is lying heavy on me as it's threatening the dream just like I thought it would.
Maggie never think you are not a good friend. From the short time I have known you, you have made such an enormous impression on me and I feel like I have known you for such a long time. You are caring, honest and a loyal person and it would be an honour for anyone to have you as a friend. You are such a beautiful person. You just need to say "no" (make polite excuses) if you don't want to do something for someone or be around someone. You would be surprised how empowering it is. Keep saying no and walk off to more positive people you feel comfortable with. Don't let them rob you of a life.
If and when you want to support someone and/or do something for them it has to be with no co-ercion from them and something you are happy to do because you want to. If people ask me unreasonably to do things for them which I don't feel comfortable with or feel I am being taken advantage of I will make excuses politely. But it remains a firm no. They will soon get sick of trying and leave well and truly alone. I have been trained well at this by my experiences with my daughter, although she has more of an emotional hold which makes it harder.
Another example of this was at work last Thursday. I was on the cashier that day at the front of the shop. I welcome people and not only help with their food needs but offer an ear if they want to talk. I am always kind and there for them. This is the normal me. But at times I walk away to help or talk to staff and I did this briefly for a few minutes.
I came back to find this male staff member sitting in my chair behind my cash register which was full of money, with his feet up and hands behind his neck chatting up the other cashier. He can be a very disrespectful man to women. I saw red. I politely marched up and stood in front of him saying in a low tone and gesturing with my hand "get up, come on". He looked up with a grin and went to back chat and I glared and said firmly but softly "up". He jumped up and did not look back. I surprised myself. Never put up with disrespect my friend. Confrontation is hard but being disrespected and saying nothing is harder to live with on the inside. And self esteem takes a blow. I am glad I did what I did. And I have complained to the manager. He creeped me out and I am a person who tolerates much.
I could never do this for years, but after what I have been through have learnt to. He wasn't going to control the situation or spoil the good work I do there. Always stand up for yourself my friend and others that seek to disrespect will step back. The world needs more good people like you in it. You are a gift. Dont let a few push you away from many and rob us of you and the love you have to give which would enrich not only your life, but the lives of the majority whom you would touch. Believe in yourself. I look forward to your next post. Hugs 🤗
