-Enigma-

Hello again dear @oceangirl

It was very interesting to read your last post and learn more about your physical and mental history. You have had renal problems since you lived in the Central Coast ('tis a beautiful place to live 😊)

There would be triggers as you said that are making you feel more anxious and depressed and I think they are important to identify so as to address the causes and work on minimising them. Anxiety is a various cycle as worry can cause it and being anxious can trigger more worry. It's a catch 22.

Being alone when sick isn't easy and I could well imagine it could trigger depression as it just feels all too hard sometimes and can overwhelm. Having to deal with everything alone is harder and feeling that way is normal.. So you are doing well. But I understand that would get to you at times. It would me too and does sometimes

When my husband is sick I am alone really also and I know it can be hard. Taking it in our stride tackling it one day at a time is the way to go and helps. And keeping a firm positive outlook of seeing ourselves overcoming our obstacles with good outcomes where our futures will be happier. The latter prevents from feeling overwhelmed - a positive vision of the future. So important to hold onto in the rough patches.

When I doubt this I go down. When I don't I become strong. Also becoming freer from the ongoing stress our daughter was inflicting has helped strengthen me - I had to do something about addressing that cause of my depression in order to improve. Hence why we have asked her to move out. Will still always be there for her though

Thank you for also being there for me, we are good for each other. Sweet dreams my friend 💕😴

@oceangirl Sorry to hear of your renal problems, I hope it gets sorted soon, it will be a worry. Sending a warm hug.

@Former-Member It's a worry with all the health problems facing you and your husband. There just doesn't seem to be anything I can say to help only I'm thinking of you.

I'm glad you had a good day at bingo and won.

When you said you have cockatiels, are they pets or visitors? I've had cockatiels in the past, beautiful birds.

Take care dear lady, sending warm wishes.

Hi @Maggie

In this very difficult time myself and husband are still facing there is much you can do and are already doing. Holding my hand in friendship through it. This helps so much my friend, that you care enough just to listen, post and talk to me. I am strong but your friendship here is helping me a lot. I hope to do the same for you and others here. It may not always feel like we succeed in doing much but the feedback I have received in the past tells me the opposite. Please keep talking. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there, for being a friend 😊

My husband is still quite sick. He went to a few appointments today and said he would be fine going alone but I wouldn't think of it. He is a good loving man and I will give all I have to be there for him to ease his pain. He is sick of being prodded and probed but we ended up laughing today for a bit which eased the tension. But deep down I am feeling the load and just have to keep pushing through. Mornings are particularly difficult to get up and get going but once I do I feel better for it usually.

When the stress is getting to me and I feel the moods and irritation rise up in me I hold my tongue and practice My will of restraint - not a mean word against him will come out of my mouth, or would I lash out - as no matter what my state of mind it will not override my will to never hurt that wonderful man who has showed me nothing but love. ❤️

Yes my cockatiels are my lovely pets. The male talkative one is called shadow and the sweet chirping female is blossom. Shadow also thinks he is woody too as nightly he pecks away repeatedly on his nesting box. It's cute. Are you minding a cockatiel presently? When they are not use to their environment they can fret and start screeching. When I first got Shadow the little scaly wag would sit in his cage with his back to me. I would talk to him daily "I love our pretty boy". And he soon started talkly a lot back. His cage is in our family room next to our dining table. We were not long ago sitting there with our local real estate agent talking when Shadow starts screeching "bullshit bullshit!" Lol. Wonder where he learned that from 😜 Haha.

My daughter in engaging with the wrong people again, not drug taking but other lifestyle choices that we don't like. It is getting my husband down - i told him not to think about it and although we will always be there for her to emotionally detach from her. That's the only way I survive. She hasn't been here most of the week and it's been better for the both of us.

Sometimes it may look as if I don't have much of a future but I keep seeing a better one that keeps me going. Making the most of my lot - there are those good moments. I am exhausted though and have to go into my volunteer work tomorrow so will try and get a good night sleep to face it. Sometime soon I will be starting the NILS interviews which i am looking forward to helping out with 😊

My brother is coming out this weekend and we will show him around the location where we are building our new home, and then have some lunch on Father's Day in the restaurant there. Hopefully that will go well.

With my husband being sick I won't be able to start the writing group yet and can't say exactly when I can. If you like @Maggie i can guide you on how to set it up to start it and I will jump in later. What do you think? I dont like to hold others back who would like to do it now and there was a bit of interest. Otherwise I will try in a few weeks, but can't give an exact date.

How was your day my friend? Have you any plans for tomorrow? xx💜

Hi @Former-Member I'm a bit out of action atm, but want to have a chat. My friend is struggling with all the extras of her sister being in hospital, and it's getting to her. She said today she's depressed, I do feel for her but don't know what else I can do to help. Im struggling myself but can't talk to her about it, but it's just putting one foot in front of the other for all of us really.

You will be at volunteering atm, so I'm hoping it's going well. You have your hands full @Former-Member with your husband and daughter. You are a good woman and I know youbwill stand by your man no matter what. Keep the dream home in your mind, the walks, sea breeze, sunrises and sunsets. It's those things that keep me going along with fur baby.

Your cockatiels sound lovely. Have you visited the everything birds thread, some lovely pics there. I wonder where your bird picked up that word from?????

The writing thread can wait till you are ready, no hurry, it will start at the right time, and you are the one to lead it.

Do you get on well with your brother? I hope you have a good visit over the week end with him. I'm in contact with one of my brothers about every few mths. We don't really know each other but it's contact of sorts. He's an alcoholic and has a lovely heart which he hides well, he's been hurt a lot.

We had a -2 frost again today, but the sun is out now and it's beautiful. I've started a simple cross stitch just to keep myself in it. I don't usually follow patterns so some can be challenging.

I hope you are having an okish day. Thinking of you my friend. Warm hug.

Hello dear @Maggie

Sorry I didn't respond sooner as this is the first chance I have had. I have been flat out, never came straight home from the volunteering as I took my husband to his doctor appts. By the time I arrived in the evening I couldn't move. My poor body is still trying to catch up with the load I take on. But the flip side is that it's making me mentally stronger (although physically I can feel like dying), and I am coping better with my depression as a result. No more injuries for me as it takes away my coping mechanisms.

I am turning my 50 square home upside down at the moment spring cleaning everything. My brother is coming down back I had to do it anyway. It always is tidy but need a thorough clean as I couldn't do this for awhile whilst laid up. What a job my friend, I am not even half way through. Will probably be still going by the time they get here tomorrow. Then we are going to the golf resort where we will be moving to for lunch - it also happens to be Father's Day so it will probably be crowded. I don't like crowds but will have to endure.

Sorry to read that your friend is breaking under the stress of her sisters health issues. I do understand what a load this is and all the worry and grief on top. It is not an easy time and your friend will appreciate your support more. This will bring you both closer. It is about putting one foot in front of the other my friend, that is what we must do in these times. There will be days when you both feel you can't take another step. That's when we push through to the other side where the pot of gold lyes so to speak. It will pass and we will feel better in ourselves that we did our best to be there for others and there are no regrets or guilt. This is what I find personally and keeping putting that foot out one day at a time makes us mentally stronger.

You will feel the pressure at times @Maggie as depression can flare a bit when stress rears its head. Just do what you can - you know your limits, your best effort, don't push beyond it or beneath it. And all will turn out well. What stage is your sisters friend's health at now? What is the prognosis? Does she receive outside nursing/care? Here for you my friend. One day at a time.

We are so alike - the sea, nature, peace, walks along the beach and my husband is what keeps me going to with the addition of my volunteer work. The latter in hours is going to increase so I am viligantly getting into a better routine now for good physical and mental health. Well the best I can be anyway. It will have to be enough. My body does have a way to catch up on fitness due to all the injuries and stress I have been under. I am slower, I am also slowly getting there. I am determined to get fit.

I haven't seen my brother for years. Unfortunately he also did not escape the home environments abuse and negativity and he had a complete mental breakdown as well over 20 years ago now. He never recovered. He suffers paranoid schizophrenia and can't work full time now as a result of his deterioration. He tries so hard to find part time work. He has a brilliant mind - genius level once. He did four units maths, science etc at university and studied computer science topping distinctions. But then came the breakdown. Never did he touch drugs or alcohol. It's so cruel. I haven't seen him for awhile because his voices tell him I said something hurtful against him which ofcourse was not the reality. So for years I couldn't work out while he was distant. It took a email asking to find this out and work it out. But it could happen again. He can't have any type of relations with other people - he is that bad. My family background is a very tragic and sad one. But I am determined to turn that around soon.

How are you today? Are you seeing your friend over the weekend? Hope all is okay with you my friend. I eagerly await your post to see how you are doing. Will check in again this evening. I am always up for a chat with you 🤗💜🌹xx

Hi @Maggie

If you are near the TV tonight and are interested, there will be a programme on Current Affairs covering the NILs (no interest loan scheme) nation-wide. Although I think you mentioned you have had experience with this in the past. I will be trained as an interviewer etc soon to help the increasing demand in my local area. It's a great scheme. Although they (government) have cut funds in our community centre with NILS management. This may not be everywhere though. We will be petitioning against it.

Hi @Former-Member How is your spring cleaning going? I'm hoping to start before the end of spring. Lol.

You sound like you are in a good place atm which is good, remember to have some fun mixed in with the cleaning. I think I'm coming out of my pit once again, I do hate those dips, they drain every bit of energy. It's spring @Former-Member and the tiny tip of a few grape hyacinths are coming through. Too small to take a pic of yet, but get ready for a running commentary of growth on a daily basis.

How is your hubby doing? It must be hard seeing him in pain, you will be feeling it yourself. That was one reason I gave up nursing, I felt their pain, it's a difficult situation.

Your brother might be with you atm, and I'm guessing it's going to be tough dealing with his MH issues. My brothers didn't escape the traumas either, though they left as soon as they could, the damage had already been done. I think my mother would be diagnosed as clinicly insane today, but nothing was done back then, as well you know from your own traumas.

I'm guessing you have a busy weekend planned, so I'm sending my best wishes. Take care my friend.

Good morning @Maggie and @Faith-and-Hope

How was your weekend?

Mine was good but exhausting. Finally did get through the spring cleaning and my brother commented that the house looked like new still, so must of did a good job 😊 But what a huge job, too much for me to constantly keep up now so will look forward to downsizing. Just hope this new build all goes well and that the move will be a happy one.

As usual my daughter is throwing a spanner in the works on that one. Just when I think she couldn't do anything worse - she finds another risky lifestyle choice. It's not drugs and I can't mention it just yet. Too disturbing for me. I found out Friday night and was wondering how I would hide my pain and grief throughout the weekend as I just wanted to cry, and I did on Saturday. Who do I talk to about this one??? Where do I get help??? But managed to finish cleaning, brush myself up and put on a smiling face. So the weekend went well, brother is quite paranoid and it's sad also but managed to have a laugh and go out for lunch. What a life I have to confront sometimes.

When feeling defeated and worried about my daughter's safety and welfare I can feel helpless, defeated and totally flat. But I tell myself "nothing lasts forever". One day I will be free. It's a shame it has come to that but I am still pushing forward one foot in front of the other.

I even contacted my estranged daughter to tell her I was worried about other daughter. And she agreed it is a worry and said she will try and get through to her. She was nice to me so that was something good. She can see how much I care. She can't do anymore as that would jeopardise the relationship with her father. That's the way it is.

All I want is for my children to be happy - if my daughter keeps making these lifestyle choices she will never have a good life. She will utterly destroy it and possibly me along with it as I can't completely sever the tie. If she was safe and well and leading a normal life apart from me I would be fine and cope. But she is harming herself and her life isn't good. How do I live with that knowledge? It is serious. I feel like I have been sentenced to a life term of grief presently hoping it won't stop me from pursuing my goals and a productive life, but the also the main concern now for me is my daughter's welfare, not me. I would give up all my dreams now if it would mean helping her in any way. If it would mean she would be okay I would give up any pursuit of happiness.

How is your friend and her sister @Maggie? I have been thinking of you all wondering how it is going. I can't wait to see lots of pic of your hyacinths and garden when it starts to flower. What joy it will bring to all who see it 😊 These are the good things in life to enjoy. I would get so much happiness from mine and visiting open gardens in the past.

My husband is much the same but his energy has picked up and he has improved a little. Not sure what will happen there. Am taking that a day at a time at the moment. I am so physically tired, not sure if it's all the strain, my health or both. Tomorrow I still may go to bingo and press on. What are your plans for the week?

I look forward to hearing how you are. Warm hugs 🤗 xx