That's okay dear @Former-Member - totally understand. You will post when your ready and we will welcome you with open arms. In your time....To be honest at the moment I am not feeling overly positive today, I had been up till now - when low it helps me to get it out. Just something therapeutic for me to air it here - as I have nowhere else to do it. If I bottle it it does play havoc on my sleep, health etc - so getting it off my chest helps me to process it better and deal with it more positively.
Hello dear @Former-Member - I was soooo glad to read a post from you. I know you have much on your plate but would appreciate your thoughts on what I am about to tell you when you have some time. I can't think as clearly as I am in too deep emotionally.
To answer your question - yes it is the close friend with the hubby in hospital in real life. To give you a brief background of our relationship- we have been close friends for approx 17 years and she and her husband have told me they consider me "family" and to her I was like a "sister". My friend is a very stoic, proud person who will not show her emotions much if she is distraught etc as that's not her way. I am the opposite. When there is a very serious situation I do appreciate support and express this - otherwise I am as independent as she is.
The only time I did not go to her was when about a year ago I was faced with a serious situation in regards to my daughter (similar to your brothers son). I did not ask for her support and did not tell her out of fear of daughter being judged harshly and they can at times judge people who get depressed as they have no understanding of it. So I kept it to myself and suffered badly inwardly. She rang me at that time and asked me "to please not shut them out".
Another told me on Friday that this close friend with the sick husband looks forward to seeing and hearing from me and that I should give her a call because she is shattered. So I did this Sunday (or Saturday afternoon, I have lost track). I did not say a whole lot but said "I am here for you whenever you need me whether that be night or day - and you can come here anytime you need us to either just talk, cry with or watch TV - anything. I continued to say "we will get through this together". To my total shock she said in a harsh voice "Enigma truly don't worry, I am fine really" (she isn't, I know this as a fact), she goes on "really, don't worry I am good - I will ring you and let you know how hubby is". In other words "don't ring me - I will ring you". She goes on to say there is nothing anyone can do. Her coldness chilled me.
There was no thank you - nothing. I just said softly "Okay S$&e". She saids "is there something wrong?. As if it were me. I said "nothing". Then said goodbye. That's all I replied. I felt pushed away. I felt less of a person by her response. You do know me @Former-Member - I was filled with compassion, concern and love - and the iceberg that struck me has left me frozen - numb. She said i was like family not long ago. That's not how you treat family.
She is going through a stressful time and everyone handles it different. I would be the opposite - so grateful for genuine caring support. But she is shutting me out. This has gutted me because we were so close. As when I love, I love and the hurt can match it.
So for now I have stepped back. I feel for them greatly but don't feel valued. So am feeling really down. I was there for her until now every step of the way. I hope you don't mind me opening up but I can't with my husband - he just saids to me to look for the positives and move on. It's not that easy when one had invested so much trust and love and closeness in a relationship for 17 years! Sometimes my hubby just does not get it. I can be like that in some things - but not after such a long relationship which now I am questioning whether it was even real or not. My head is done in at the moment and I feel damaged.
What do you think? Do you think I am overreacting?
I don't mind any advice or thoughts here as I am in too deep emotionally to be objective. I know you are under a lot - would you say this to someone who offered you their support and love at this time?
I found out through someone else that her husband is being set up in palliative care at home now. She never told me. I don't know why she is doing this. I have always been kind and supportive. Makes me feel awful. I can't put it in words. I am not only shattered about losing her husband whom I was also close to, but seems I lost her too? For what, being loving? My head is truly spinning.
Thanks for listening @Former-Member - And to whoever else takes the time to read this. This has hurt me as much as my daughter did - a double whammy. Not so easy to get up from. x
