-Enigma-

Hi @outlander @Former-Member

@Former-Member Am sensing you are stretched to the max. Only speak when you can, but checking in briefly is good. Some ... reaching out into the cosmos ... and we know you are with us ...

@Former-Member

Personality styles are huge determiners in how we interact. Boundaries and cocentric circles of closeness matter here.

1 Settle you 2 hub and all that entails re living quarters

3 daughter in promoting independence

4 friendships ... let it go and dont ruminate .. you are selling your house

warmth cool .. love hate .. detachment ... often helps me distinguish ...

In my biological family there was a lot of brusque coldness in interaction. I did not see it as a bad thing .. it just was ... it had dignity ...it had weight ... it was often not meant to push others away .... just was personal and cultural style of many family members ...

think of dutch northern winters ... and war trauma

Part of that is the amount of trauma load and not holding oneself together to not fall apart.

It is good you clarified that it was not on forum as often people take things personally ... something they unwittingly did ... so nobody who reads need worry

I also dont think you need to double think the whole 17 years. We only have some control over our personalities. They say about 30% max ... she is probably a prickly type and going through her hell ... wait til you both have time and good headspace ... you dont have to rush over ... she is managing ... go if you are welcome and decide much later.

PS. I had a shit of a day with son ... one of our first clear honest fights ... which may be better than endless latent hostility or passive aggression ... it was very frief ... 20 mins ...but still hard ... at least could debrief a little with Neami worker. It happened exactly at timing of her session ... which is no coincidence.

He is coming back soon with gf (his plan) I am leaving things in order for them but not planning to be around ... going to choir tonight.

So no nice yummy breakfast.

Gotta fly.

Take care All

Ahh, sorry to read about the argument you had with your son @Appleblossom. Sounds like we are all going through a tumultuous time at the monemet. As you said it is probably better to have it out and over with rather than lingering inner hostility. I am glad that you are still going to your choir tonight - look forward to hearing about it when you return.

Someone did mention my friend with the sick husband who hurt me is treating others the same, not just me. She does tend to get very cold when under stress - to be honest an attribute of hers I never warmed to, just tolerated for quite a few years. I didn't think she would do this to me at such an important time. But yes, she is going through her own hell presently. To make it worse my husband is also very upset because her reaction has prevented us from saying our last goodbyes to her husband - it's not right. And he is taking it out on me!! He is getting angry. What a mess. So, it's up to me to be the strong one. I only have me to rely on and have to soothe myself. I have to remind myself that my intention was to help and give moral support to her through compassion - and the reaction I received was undeserved. That helps me not feel so down on myself.

I will take your advice and step back. She isn't coping but has her daughter so I know she is not alone. I hope her husband has the most comfortable passing possible - I so feel for him and what he is going through and her also. What they are going through is so terribly hard.

All I can do now is pray for the latter and will wait and see what happens - but her blocking me out has also done damage to the relationship. I can see me moving away from her slowly over time so as not to upset her, but as you advised I will make this final decision later. This time should of brought us closer together but because of her cold streak it ripped us apart.

Anyway someone may need me one day. They seem to appreciate me in my volunteer work, so may concentrate more on that. I am hesitate to form very close friendships now - there are some who would like that with me here in real life but my wall is well and truly up now. Maybe now I need counselling in that area, but I still enjoy the company of people a d socialising, and appreciate their kindness and support in my time of need very much - so that is a good positive thing.

Not sure if I am up to going into work tomorrow - don't want anyone to see how down I am. Will decide tomorrow. Thanks @Appleblossom@outlander@Former-Member@Former-Member for your caring and support. It really has helped xx ❤️.

Hi @outlander - the post above will explain how I am going. Thanks for being there - you have been wonderful xxx ❤️😘

hugs my awesome friends @Former-Member, @outlander, @Appleblossom, @Former-Member, @Former-Member

Sorry you’re hurting @Former-Member

I wish I knew what to say. Some days words just aren’t there. 💜💖

Hi there @outlander 💖

Hi and hugs back lovely @Shaz51 💖

Sorry to read about the argument with your son @Appleblossom 💖

It is very draining and upsetting to argue with loved ones.

I hope being at choir helps you distract and feel better.