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-Enigma-

Unknown userMember07 July 2017, 4:01 am AEST

-Enigma-

I have given up now - no one can say it was not without a fight. But then no one on heaven and earth would give a damn anyway. I gave from the heart and it was a joy to help others. I felt such peace with that. I never did it for anything in return ever, I did it because I truly cared and felt so much genuine compassion towards others. I was promised dreams and peace would come true even though I never asked. It felt so good to know I made someone's lives a bit better.

Why is it that people like me are then faced with so much heartache, injustice, trauma and adversity that seeks to do everything in its power to destroy that good, to take the little good and peace I had, to utterly destroy me. Why?

I had always been there when possible others times of need - now that I truly need someone I have been all but abandoned by those I knew and those in the spirit. I realise now everything was a lie and feel utterless helpless and lost. I have lost everything and don't see the point in being here. I hope I don't wake up to another day of despair.

1732 replies

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In response to: -Enigma-

Shaz51Senior Contributor01 June 2018, 4:36 pm AEST

Re: -Enigma-

hello and hugs @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @outlander, @Appleblossom, @Bunniekins

In response to: -Enigma-

Unknown userMember01 June 2018, 6:06 pm AEST

Re: -Enigma-

I do understand @Appleblossom and am sitting with you. As mums that's what we do but it can be sooo hard at times. It is with my daughter as she tries me beyond my limits. She has much growing up to do. I have read with delight how you can bond with your son on outings, with music and with cooking - I am hoping to have a relationship with my daughter like that one day. Presently she uses us and does nothing around the house. I said to her tonight that she has to do more whilst she is here. I think we are just a commodity for her when it suits her and that can make me sad. But the things I do apart from her helps me to rise above it. I am a mother but also an individual woman in my own right, I keep reminding myself. I do like that woman now and deep down I know my daughter loves me in her own way.

I really care for you Appleblossom genuinely, and wish I could do more. You are an extraordinary woman of great intellect, talent, strength, resilience, honesty and warmth. You are a gift to all whose path you cross. You deserve so much more and one day you will get it. xx

In response to: -Enigma-

outlanderSenior Contributor01 June 2018, 6:13 pm AEST

Re: -Enigma-

Hi @Former-Member
Honestly sleep hasnt helped. I really wish it would. It seems i have too much on my plate and not enough mind space to deal with it all. I wasnt sure whether to tag you or not but i done a quick update on the rough time thread -should be the last thread. I feel im taking over your thread here even though i know im sure what youll say.

Im really glad you managed a lye in and some extra rest. Did you get all your cleaning done today? .

Im sure youll have a good time. The cold can be hard to handle but once your back inside youll be warm again.

Ah yep i do get we get along but we need space. Its the same for me and mum and sisters. I love them but need a break too. I really hope the time your daughters with you she starts to improve. I know her improving or showing incentive to get well would help you as well.

How did your day go? How r u going tonight?

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Unknown userMember01 June 2018, 6:27 pm AEST

Re: -Enigma-

Hi @outlander - Sleep doesn't always solve our internal struggles, I get what you mean - just makes it a bit easier to carry it I find. When I have a lack of it everything feels much harder.

Please never think you are taking over this thread - no, never. This thread is for everyone and you are very special to me. Please always feel welcome to post whenever you need to and I will always respond as quick as I can. I would be sad if you didn't. I would adopt you if I could. I just wish I could help you more.

But I do know these type of problems we struggle with in our every day lives don't just go away overnight - it takes time. My personal circumstances have been ongoing for years - but there has been progress. And there will for you too in time @outlander. And for whatever time that takes I will be there for you listening and with an open heart. I just hope it helps ease your pain.

We do need some time apart from loved ones at times - the exception for me there is my husband as we are joined at the hip, but can understand your needs there. I have experienced with my daughter that it brings us much closer. When she was living out of home she really starts to appreciate me more. She expresses it and talks to me more. It's extraordinary the change in her when she moves back home - she reverts back to taking us for granted again and using us for all we can give. It just doesn't work. So I am hoping for a miracle; that she finds a suitable job again and moves once again. I can help her better than rather than us both knocking heads being under the same roof which can tear us apart.

My day got better as it went. That always seems to be the case with me - mornings are always harder and as the day goes on I feel better. I did get all my cleaning done and have also put on some Indian Somasas for dinner - yum. My favourite. I put honey/mint yoghurt sauce that I also made on top. Yummy. What are you having for dinner? I will pop over and read your thread - please feel free to talk here as much as you want and I will respond as soon as I can 🤗😘xx

In response to: -Enigma-

outlanderSenior Contributor01 June 2018, 7:16 pm AEST

Re: -Enigma-

I knew you were going to say that @Former-Member those are my feelings to own though. Your so sweet. ❤

I am so glad theres been progress for you. It feels like forever sometines though doesnt it between positive changes the positive for me atm is my hand is showing abit of progress in getting better. Finally.

You and your hubby sound like a really cute couple. Its good to hear. ❤

Sounds frustrating with your daughter, i hope she finds something and gets her life started again ia she still going to study or is she looking for a job first and get abit more set up? .
Is she still with the creep as you call him?

She is lucky to have you and im glad she does see that and acknowledges that too even though its not often.

Im glad your day went well and got better too. Ooh yum they sound good. I havent had them before. I just had some toast. Feeling abit sick so a tea and toast it is. Im not a big eater anyway so thats more than enough.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow when your brother comes over (besides dinner) ?

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Unknown userMember01 June 2018, 7:28 pm AEST

Re: -Enigma-

No other plans as yet other than dinner @outlander - will probably go somewhere on Sunday though.

That is positive news about your hand - just read that on your thread. Hopefully you are threw the worst.

Yes, unfortunately my daughter is still with the creep. It's just a waste of time for her and she will get hurt. I am not sure if my daughter will study still - she saids a lot of things but does not follow through.. With the nursing course she missed the information night but still saids she may do it - I am second guessing to how serious she is about it. She doesn't seem to want to see anything through. It is frustrating. Time will tell.

I enjoy toast and tea - sorry to read that you feel a bit sick. Be sure to get all those wonderful nutrients in you when you can as it will make you feel stronger and better. After experiencing this D deficiency I am more cautious of eating well and taking vitamins.

What have you planned for Saturday and Sunday?

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Unknown userMember01 June 2018, 7:30 pm AEST

Re: -Enigma-

Hi @Shaz51 - hope everything is going well for you and Mr Shaz ❤️😘

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

AppleblossomSenior Contributor01 June 2018, 7:32 pm AEST

Re: -Enigma-

I really appreciate your affection @Former-Member . It will help me get through next 2 days.

I have a submission to write tomorrow. On Sunday a concert and a rehearsal.

Its not time to "curl up and dye" yet .... Saw that on the "Blues Brothers" movie with my son ... and we have a hairdresser from that franchise in our main street.... gotta laugh at it sometimes ....

I hope your day with your brother is good.

@outlander Your loving nature comes out strong.

In response to: -Enigma-

outlanderSenior Contributor01 June 2018, 7:36 pm AEST

Re: -Enigma-

Oh dear about your D @Former-Member i do hope she finds some passion for something soon. Im abit like that though i cant seem to find what i would like abd be abit more set in it. At this point im even questioning being a carer. I dont really know what to do. Just go with the flow i suppose....

Thank you for reading my thread it means alot to me. And i would happily come and join you in your house and go for walks ❤
Being sick isnt something new its been like it for months but it feels abit worse. I think its the pain meds as i cant get my headache under control so might be irritating my stomach abit more.

Im sure youll find something nice to do. Your very productive so ive realised and often find something to do.
Tomorrow is pops birthday but im so broke i havent been able to ge anything. Great grandaughter iam 😞 mums throwing a birthday dinner for him so will be over there tomorrow too
Sunday uhh no real plans maybe a rest day.

Just cause i can heres some big hugs 🤗🤗

In response to: -Enigma-

outlanderSenior Contributor01 June 2018, 7:37 pm AEST

Re: -Enigma-

Hi @Appleblossom your so sweet too and caring ❤

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