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Something’s not right

-Enigma-

-Enigma-

I have given up now - no one can say it was not without a fight. But then no one on heaven and earth would give a damn anyway. I gave from the heart and it was a joy to help others. I felt such peace with that. I never did it for anything in return ever, I did it because I truly cared and felt so much genuine compassion towards others. I was promised dreams and peace would come true even though I never asked. It felt so good to know I made someone's lives a bit better.

Why is it that people like me are then faced with so much heartache, injustice, trauma and adversity that seeks to do everything in its power to destroy that good, to take the little good and peace I had, to utterly destroy me. Why?

I had always been there when possible others times of need - now that I truly need someone I have been all but abandoned by those I knew and those in the spirit. I realise now everything was a lie and feel utterless helpless and lost. I have lost everything and don't see the point in being here. I hope I don't wake up to another day of despair.

1732 replies

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In response to: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

It's wonderful how your son is coming along @Appleblossom....he gets his musical talents from his mother no doubt. It has become quite cold here this evening after the most glorious sunny week....am currently snuggled up in my PJs sitting in my favourite recliner with my feet up in front of a cosy gas heater. Very relaxed...love evenings like this....❤️

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Hi @Former-Member
I had abit of sleep thanks.

Wow that book sounds really interesting. Might see if i can get it myself to read.
Outlander is abit hard to describe.. its a mix of genres-romance,mystery,adventure,historical fact/fiction but it is so good and really descriptive! Her site is this one-ive linked it to the first book but you can see her other books too. If you descide to buy them though have a look at angus and robertson as they are abit cheaper than buying direct from the seller and not sure how safe that is anyway (abit funny about those sorts of things)


http://www.dianagabaldon.com/books/outlander-series/outlander/

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

You sound all nice and cosy @Former-Member im in front of the heater too watching tv waiting for young Sheldon to come on.

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Sounds lovely @outlander - the best way to enjoy a cold evening. I will more than likely switch on YouTube on the big screen and tune into my Lifetime true stories movie network - I think I am addicted to them lol. Can't get enough. I will be sewing on my latest cross work art at the same time...total bliss 😊😘

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Sounds great @Former-Member ❤ how are you today?

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

How was your volunteer work?

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

I had a good day at the shop @outlander - had a lot of laughs and good conversations with customers and staff. Does me good. We were sooo busy today also, made the day go very fast. Now am sitting back feeling satisfied about the day. How was your day?

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Sounds amazing @Former-Member you always sound happy when you talk of your volunteer stuff. It seems youve found a nice workplace and colleagues too and of course helping people :face_with_rolling_eyes:

Im in a dark place again. I hate being here but for now im just floating until i can work out what to do next. I was in the car earlier and was having yukky thoughts that i didn't manage in the best way ao i hung up my keys and removed anything and everything so its all safe. I only drove to my hand specialist and got back from there about 4.

Do you have some plans for tomorrow?

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

@Appleblossom ❤

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Thanks @Former-Member

but its more complicated than that. Not sure if you know, but we have actually had a very difficult 8 months. He had a 2nd BiPolar 1 episode, was in gaol for 4 months, often in lock down and been out on bail for 4 months ... case indeterminate as yet ... still walking on egg shells, but he is trying to do the right thing by himself and I. He is making salad to go with pies from the freezer for dinner, trying to be more responsible about the house and prefers cooking to other tasks. I do love him.

@outlander

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