-Enigma-

im often thinking of you @Former-Member and wondering how everything is going for you and family

no im not really feeling any better, too mnay stresses. to much pain atm, hoping it eases through the day though.

you are sounding very busy! and lots more things to come too. ooh say happy birthday to your hubby for me. thats really great news about your friend! im not surprised your feeling tired today, maybe a nice cuppa and hot shower will help..

oh dear about your daughter. i hope things for her change soon and she makes some better life choices.

thank you for being here for me too, i dont enjoy being in this dark hole at all. ive got the psych abit later today but im not sure if its going to help or hinder more (she likes to jump straight into trauma work before even asking how im going) and ive got my sisters for a little bit after school until mum gets home. sending hugs to you too

I hope your pain eased throughout the day @outlander and you are feeling somewhat better this evening - even a little improvement is a good start. No, it's not nice being in that black hole - I truly relate to that. And really - anything is better than it. Any glimmer of hope is something to hang on to.

I am ridiculously busy - and tired of it really. I would love a bit more time to myself. I think that will happen once I move as where we are going to all is low maintenance in a gated golf community on the water, and a nice restaurant within a few minutes walk etc - leaving me more time to do the things I love. I don't know how people find the time on here - I must be getting slow. Apologises for not being able to keep up......but I want you to know that it matters to me how you are and that I genuinely care for you. You are worth it. There is something very natural, honest and refreshing about you @outlander. You are a breath of fresh air here - just so sorry you are in so much pain. Wish I could ease that for you abit.

I did visit my friend - it is a miracle he is home but he is still very sick. I was taken back abit when I saw him and am feeling his pain. He is unhappy he can't do the things he once did, he was so youthful and independent. It's hard to watch 😢.

My husband knows me and how I do feel and carry the pain of others too much and once again requested that I back off a bit as it's effecting my health. If keep this up I will be no good for no one. I must keep strong for those who matter to me....that's what it's about. I must keep strong for my daughter and one day she may need me. My customers need me. My friends and husband need me.....Sometimes I get overwhelmed by this which is normal - but I would not have it any other way. It makes me happy to make others happy in my life here.

The woman who runs the community centre where I work phoned and texted to say how much she appreciates the help myself and husband give at the centre.....that felt good to be appreciated. She is a very special lady......a married version of Mother Theresa really. I am proud to have her as my close friend. She was a principal at a high school for many years - that stress would of worn me down.....not for me.

How did the psych appt go? Thinking of you xxx

Ahh, your new icon is really cute

Hello @Former-Member its lovley to hear from you again. ahh thank you, its intended to give people a smile despite their pains.

you are sounding very busy but your new home seems like itll be worth it for sure and more free time for you which would be really nice for you. is there anyway atm to reduce a role or 2 you play?you dont ever have to apologise for not keeping up, you are only one person, even though your more like superwoman, you still can only do so much and thats ok. thank you for what youve written, i want you to also know that i genuinely care about you and want to know how you are too, even if you only pop in every now and then.

oh dear, its dreadful watching and seeing people go down hill. i watched my nan go down like that so can understand how horrible it is. we want so much to be there and to take their pain away so they can live and breathe easier but we cant and that is the hardest part. the only thing we can do is be there for them and that is what your already doing and that is enough

ahh yes empathy- im a very strong empath like that too. i feel others pain before i even see it. can be really hard to handle sometimes cant it. make sure you take care of you too.

ive read you list who you need to be strong for but you didnt meantion yourself. you matter too, you need 'you' and you need to live a life for you not just for everyone else. Breathe @Former-Member... you have the strength there but you need to nurture yourself too.

i didnt tag you to the post but on page 566 on rough time- i wrote up quite alot about the darkness. you of course dont have to respond but just thought id let you know. my psych appt is a page i think before that but its abit scatterred through 2 posts on the page before was written to- long story short though she is a bully, blames me for having a mh issue and ive decided not to go back to her. my day has been rather average, just went and got my hand xrayed again. hopefully this one is the last one now. its healing well by what i can see but im not a specialist. my migraine has finally eased after 4 days so thats a bit of relief for me too.

how are you going? mentally and physically?

Beautiful post @outlander - made me smile. I will go back and read the page on your thread about your psych appt with eagerness. Thank you for the gentle reminder - I do need to take care of me. Physically I am tired - will be seeing the GP for a checkup to make sure all is well there - but I have been burning the candle at both ends in my life here, so it is probably a bit of burnout. It's been happening now for over 6 months. My husband is worried so I will work on it, as you are right, our own well being is equally important. But am happy in myself and where I am heading - just need the energy to do it lol.

Oh dear your bullying psych does not sound good, sounds like she may have had quite a few issues of her owns. Bullies always do. They either attack the vulnerable (a patient can be in latter or a child etc), or need backup in groups to try and bring someone down that threatens them as they are weak. Can't stand on their own. You can @outlander. Don't let it bring you down. Glad you decided to not go back to this psych - that is something we don't need in our lives, toxic people. I would of done the same. I hope you find someone who is a better fit for you and who is genuinely caring as well. Learning about the human mind and behaviour is important but without empathy and compassion for the individual who is struggling won't be able to to help anyone. The latter is the healing part together with sound advice and guidance.

I am going to read yournthread now and will get back with a response tomorrow. Sleep well my dear friend 💞

Hi @outlander

Just read your post on page 566 - the allergies you were diagnosed with are exactly the same as my test results for same! I can have mild asthma, but so mild that I don't use a preventor, on the very odd occasion I use a asthma puffer. And can get hay fever - particularly in the winter strangely enough. But since I changed my diet (no sugar, low salt/fat) that has improved. I hope your reflux has settled somewhat.

I don't understand your pops reaction to paying him back - you are good for it and always reliable. I would be overjoyed if my daughter was that responsible. Perhaps he has experienced hardship in the past and panics....Please don't see that as a reflection of your worth, the care you give your siblings is priceless and unfortunately taken for granted. But that won't always be the case in the fortune....hang on.

I could imagine the pain in your hand and the frustration of not being able to do what you are use to would be taking its toll. I was in a moon boot for one year and only took it off 6 months ago - it slowed me down a lot and can relate to your pain but in time it will heal with care.

I think about your situation with your family and nearly cry when I realise they do not see what a treasure of a daughter and granddaughter etc they have. Sometimes we don't know what we have until it's gone. I would treasure a daughter like you and it would make my soul complete (and would spoil you rotten). My daughter does love me but has had that many oppportunities, so much love and privilege and she just throws it away.....it's senseless. One day she will come around.

You are very special @outlander - when we don't feel appreciated we tend to see it as a reflection of our worth but please don't let someone's blindness be your reality. One day you will venture out and meet people who love, respect and value you. Hang in there as life is short and it will come about quicker than you think. Hope you are enjoying a peaceful evening. Thinking of you. Sending you a warm hug xxxx ❤️

hello @Former-Member

that was not a post i was expecting! i just want to thank you for that firstly because wha you wrote does mean alot.

lol look at that then hey! i dont usually use as asthma puffer but if in spring it becomes to unmanageable then i can get one off the gp, ive had a few symptoms of it esp the past 3 nights. my house is really dusty from all the winds kicking it up and we are suppose to have a 'thunder fever' storm tomorrow but should be ok. i try to just brush off pop now, sometimes it gets relentless. i listen but let it go.

my hand will hopefully start to improve more but very slow rates which is rather frustrating but id rather it treated properly not shoved aside. i see the specialsit on monday as well (im hoping might need to change till wednesday though due to finances as per usual) o will know more then. might be able to move it a little bit next week (first time in nearly 9 weeks). oh geez you poor thing! a year in a moonboot! how frustrating! sounds like a really bad injury- do you mind if i ask what happened?

with your daughter, its often hard to acknowledge the love we recieve from others if that is what is usual for us and as far as i can tell you shower her with unconditional love and much more. i dont get that so ive learnt alot to appreciate the love others have for each other. im sure life will change though, one day at a time hey.

you are really loveley, dont ever change will you

How are you going? hows your night treating you?

I think I am too set in my ways to change @outlander my lovely - not sure if that is a good or bad thing lol 😂 But I do mean every word I say straight from the heart, I am genuine - that's the real me.

I tore my plantar fasciitis, and I think it took so long to heal because I could not keep off it entirely - I had to care for my husband and daughter at that time. It was a lot of fun!!! I kept up my volunteer work too which I am pleased I did now as it's become such a huge part of my life.

Yes, proper specialist treatment will make the all the difference to faster and total healing. Very important - I am glad you aren't allowing the specialist to push you aside. It is very expensive to see them on a regular basis so expecting the best care is not unreasonable.

I am feeling tired so am going to see my GP about it next Monday - it is likely all the worry over my daughter but it will take its toll if I don't stop - I have to learn to let her go for now and that is causing me some grief. She was such a huge part of my life and I miss that. But I have the loving support of my husband which is helping. I have to do it - she likes to live the high life at the expense of those who love her. It's not howmshe was raised. Not good. But her choice and life. She will come back to me in time when she works it out.......

I have been watching some true life story movies on lifetime TV and have thoroughly enjoyed it. So am having a bit of a rest tonight which has been nice. You sound better which has made my evening even better. I really care about you and would never take you for granted 💞🌹