-Enigma-

Great to hear from you @Former-Member. Your memory is spot on. Glad to hear you're well. I'm just trying to stay well too. I am seeing the Dr tomorrow, I think I mention this in my last message to you. It is not my regular Dr because she is on leave but it might good to another opinion and perspective it can't hurt.

The medication I am weaning from is my antidepressant which is just a normal adult dose, she thinks sweating is from this. I am weaning slowly but I am getting tired. I am not taking any HRT but if I was to come off the other tablet, I should really start taking it.

The commonwealth games was a great experience for me and I am so glad that I did it. It was quite fast pace in the role I was in and really enjoyed it. When I am feeling better I am going to look for part-time work. I may only do this in my semester break, not sure yet.

Hope you have a great day tomorrow, and please do something nice for you. I forgot I have some vitamin defiencies atm but that is getting treated with injections. Take Carexxx

You were right on the money with my daughter @outlander - she is stubborn....and difficult but I do love her. And yes, she can only hopefully learn from her mistakes (the quicker the better for my sanity 😫). She has improved and is becoming more mature, so in time I am sure she will find her way in the positive.

You are very mature @outlander - I think your caring role has contributed hugely to that, a good thing but it can be draining and at times we all need to spread our wings. I have to say your mum must be blind at times - most young people would be too involved in their own lives to care and give like that. Sometimes we don't know what we have......my daughter has "never nurtured anything" and that is half her problem. Along with the damage afflicted on her by her abusive ex and others males. Your ability to give is a treasure - and rare. Be proud of you.

Things are the same for my friend, she is still being manipulated in a controlling friendship (she tends to become involved in many such relationships as she is too soft and eager to please which is a problem in itself (codependency). All I can do is watch now and be there for her as I have done all I can by pointing out the truth, now it's up to her.

Glad you liked reading my intuition experiences - true stories. It can be scary at times for others, but not for me, I see it as a helpful guide to protect myself and others (if they listen). I have done it quite a few times with my daughter and she states when what I say does happens - "how do you do that"?, but she still won't listen to the warnings. The mind boggles - but yes, a lot to do with her damaged self esteem. If she would just stick with counselling things would improve even more so for her. She is too stubborn for her own good at times.

I think we all lack confidence to some degree @outlander - especially when young as life experience can help with confidence - please don't feel too bad. Most feel uncertain when socialising - that's why many drink when they do. From talking to you here I can discern you have a lot to offer in any friendship - it just depends "how blind those you are with are" to your inner beauty. And how natural you are with them so they can see and get to know the real you.

When you socialise again focus on your good points and don't second guess or doubt yourself (believe in the good in you); - I find asking people about themselves and really listening to them, adding something occasionally throughout the conversation, goes across well when socialising - people love talking about themselves. And when others listen it makes them feel they matter - and they do. I find this at the shop where I volunteer and it has helped my confidence and relations with others a lot as now I am connecting more. But there are a handful that are special genuine connections that last - I think that is the scenario and situation with most people.

Hope today is going well for you 💞

Hi @oceangirl - it's wonderful how you keep on top of your health seeing the GP regularly. I haven't being doing this lately and is something I do have to do - have a medical check up. By the time I get through my husband's medical issues and my daughter's woes I usually just want to forget about anything medical for myself. My friend and husband worries about me in that regard so it is something I have to brush up on. Lucky I have good genes.

Indeed when I became ill with peri menopause, thyroid disorder etc a few years back - there was "no ignoring it" as the symptoms were very bad and I knew something was wrong. I couldn't function - that's when I usually will seek out medical advice. Probably not wise but I am still here 😜. I have never been in hospital apart from giving birth, when I suffered post natal depression, a suicide attempt (grave mistake), and when I suffered going into cardiac arrest that was triggered by a reaction to a chemical overload on the farm I use to live in that was afflicted by a neighbouring property (long, horrible story I will spare you of ). The latter was frightening and unexpected.

HRT worked well for me with controlling depression, anxiety, flushes, migraines etc - and most women who choose this treatment do not need to stay on it for very long (just until the worst symptoms pass). I am a exception there, I have had a history of problems with hormones - PMS etc. That is genetic I would imagine. Your specialist would assess your medical history for any abnormal risks and inform you if there is any - and you work it out together what is best for you. My specialist swore by HRT saying it made an amazing difference to his patients. Food for thought if the symptoms become debilitating or making it hard to function daily.

Hope all goes well at the GP - please let me know how it goes as I will be thinking of you. Sending lots of love ❤️

hi @Former-Member im sorry i missed here, im not doing so great atm so am abit slow at responding the past few days.

im a rather stubborn person to but i learn quickly from my mistakes. everyone learns at differen speeds though. ahh yes the caring part- good but very tough and draining and sometimes way to much pressure. ive always been this way though so i guess it comes naturally and so everyone else expects it to.

your daughter im sure will come good, has she started her new job yet?

tough situation for your friend too and for you as an onlooker but yes its out of your hands now as hard as it is. i hope something gives for your friend too and the other woman gets some extra help and support.

i did love reading your true stories- if anytime you want to share i would still be more than happy to read them. admittedly i am abit stubborn in that sense too. sometimes i ignore the warnings and go ahead anyway but ive learnt to listen to my own intuition more too. maybe itll become just as good as yours!

thank you for the advice on socialising too, and thank you for sharing your successess (despite the hard work) too. it helps to know things wont last forever.

hope your going ok??

Hi @outlander - sorry to read you are not doing so well, hope today has been better. Don't be concerned about replying straight away - I am rarely on here myself any more as my life is so busy and full presently. So no rush. I don't get a chance to read any threads on here except the occasional new member whom sometimes just hang there unanswered which I don't like to see - and because of my schedule. Life is very busy but I would not have it any other way.

I use to ignore warnings when young too. I think we all do to some degree. I did quite abit and did get burned and hurt badly. So I learnt.

It's only if we go backwards and never learn or change as we grow older that we have a problem. I have seen you evolve for the better the short time you have been on here @outlander. And you have the ability to give and think of others, not just your own needs which is rare. Very special, and yes that has probably developed through the nurturing of your siblings. But this never should be taken for granted - no good human being should be. I take the precious time to post to you as you are worth the effort and I want you to know how much I appreciate you. No need to rush with a reply - I have no motive or expectations but give because of this appreciation.

I understand you aren't where you want to be yet but there has been some improvement, and over time that amounts to a big step. I think when you find what you are looking for in the outside world, your place in it (purpose and meaning) with more confidence - making more positive connections with others - you will experience periods of fulfillment and happiness (no one is all the time). And yes, it will get better. As will your intuition grow if in tune and at peace with your conscience and looking out of unbiased eyes (holding no negative emotion, anger or prejudice) - your intuition will kick in. Listening to what the conscience saids within. It is a spiritual growth that is intune with the stability and sensibilities of the mind. Goes hand in hand as our perception has to be good and untainted (hope this is making sense to you, not sure how else to explain it as it's hard to put in words).

Many cannot tune in as they cannot see past their own world, emotions, desires and tunnel bias vision that prevents them seeing the bigger picture. It's knowing how to fine tune; - and to also look in a person's eyes. Saids a lot together with the actions that back it (once any mask comes down). I will tell you more of the experiences I have had one day if you want to hear it - some are positive, some downright frightening.

The person my friend who was having trouble with has threatened again in actions this time - has retreated into silence because she was not the centre of attention (does not like my friend showing any attentions to others)and by these retreating actions is seeking it again (intending for my friend to chase her up). And she falls right into the trap and does this!!! I just wish my friend would let her be and stop enabling this behaviour by reacting with giving her more attention. It's frustrating to watch as my friend can't see the manipulation taking place and how she is being used. So I think I will retreat from it - it is so depressing to witness the same old boring pattern with neither party growing or getting anywhere 😩. So negative.

You are so kind wishing them both well - when I see someone selfishlessly taking advantage of others I just wish them out of the picture before they do more harm to others. And sometimes I will go out of my way to prevent it if it's a real serious problem (yes, I do become attacked as they dont like being exposed for who they are - but I can handle it). They know what they are doing is wrong my friend but keep doing it anyway (and yes, this does cause instability but it's self inflicted); and my protective instincts kick in to help others who fall prey.

Often others who fall prey don't see it for a long time. I have no pity for them (the offenders) and see their actions as pathetic, but i do feel much compassion for their victims and those they deceive and do damage too. That's me to a tee. And probably my childhood abuse has made me sensitive to others pain and what has driven me to stop those whose actions cause the suffering. It probably won't win me popularity awards but I am happy and at peace with who I am, which is what matters to me. As I wished someone cared enough to do that for me at periods in my life; so many turn a blind eye to protect themselves and many others get hurt as a result. Great remorse and guilt will afflict in the end when the eye is constantly turned throughout life.....

Hope you are having a okay weekend. It is raining and getting cooler here; I am enjoying this lovely whether and a break from the humidity. Our new home is now half way complete - I can feel the sea salt spray on my face already listening to the roar of the waves.....bliss 💞

hi @Former-Member no it hasnt but im sure itll pass soon enough hey.

i try to post to newbies as much as i can, can be abit tricky when i dont know what to say or am struggling quite alot to help myself but thats the nature of life i suppose..

life is a journey hey, always learning something new (whether or not its a good or bad lesson is another story!) thank you for what youve written. im really none of that but thank you, it does mean alot to me. i see alot of your qualities too, your rather special yourself and i appreciate you and your efforts too.

oh yes that would be great, share away. i love hearing about these sorts of thing (your intuitive stories) !

ah damn it re your friend and the other lady. shes in quite a predicament isnt she! im sorry your friend going through that and also you too because your witnessing things from the outside which can be just as hard as living it yourself. i do have to say though i know where your friends coming from- its almost like having a life in your hands. when i was being abused and i said i was going to tell, they threatened suicide. that was one of the hardest things to have looming over my head- that my actions or words could cost someone their life. so it is really hard to get out of that sort of situation. however mine and her story is different and like you i can see that manipualation is trying to seek attention but not 'attention seeking' it seems to me she doesnt know how to get help, or perhaps is scared to get help. she might have attachment issues and so clings to that one caring person and doesnt want to loose them- does that make sense at all?

but for alot of others i can see where your coming from. im not a fan of troublemakers in that sense and i wish them a safe journey an try to get the heck out of there and help others in that situation too. i lack the guts that you have though to tell people like it is.

your house (even though half built) sounds rather loveley and such a nice view too. weve been having colder nights but still warmish days but mid 20s often the highest. we have storms here atm and had hail earlier tonight but it seems to be more thunder, lightning and some rain now.

@outlander - sorry to read of not only the physical and psychological abuse you suffered at the hands of your abuser but also "the emotional abuse" he inflicted to get his way and silence you - different story from my friend but same emotional manipulation/abuse to selfishly get her needs "only" met. My sweet - the consequences of your abusers actions is his direct doing, not yours - don't let such threats loom over you but see them for what they are - to manipulate you into silence by "turning around the guilt on the victim". Seeing this and acting not only protects you, but any other future potential victims. Lucky your life was not threatened also - abusers will use whatever manipulation or threats that works best with their victims to get their way and/or to protect themselves only - misperceived guilt is one such way.

I hope you are okay and free from this abuse now. I remember back to some of your earlier posts and how much pain you were in. I so felt for you and wanted to lift it very badly - at least let you know you are not alone. But I am also fully aware there is no quick fix and these things take time applying various coping strategies. I find it hard to read of another's pain this way having gone through it myself. I have had my fair share of abuse in the past too and that is why I don't tolerate it for a minute. No one should. I am not helpless anymore. Neither are you @outlander.

I just got back from a power walk along the beautiful vast lake here. Tomorrow it will be along the seashore, then off for a day out with friends. I am feeling much better for all the exercise and aerobics I have been doing. Sleeping better now too. It helps me cope better and enjoy life more. My daughter started her job induction today, I have everything crossed it will lead to a permanent full time position. She is hopeful too. I am now going to do some more cross stitching/beading/embroidery and watch a good true story flick. Happy days for now xx

hi @Former-Member i am not being phsyically abused not anymore and havent had for around 4 yrs now but emotionally might be a different story. my whole family doesnt like me. they like to abuse that caring nature of mine and they know i dont have a strong enough heart or mind to say no. ive nearly lost my life twice through the torment so i guess in a way he has taken my life too. i worry about getting into a relationship- esp a more intimate one. might take a little while longer for that one. its taken a long while but i have accepted it isnt my fault which in a way brought it a little easier to deal with- knowing its his fault not mine. took a long time but it was like a breath of fresh air once i got it in my head.

you are so strong Enigma, i see it in your words, the way you write and i can imagine how you act too- none of it bad. you seem to have grown and just kept on growing (once you got through the crappyness of it all). its really good to hear and read actually. i love hearing of your successes too.

geez a powerwalk! i barely manage snail pace atm, so good on you!. the scenery sounds so loveley. do you think you could get a picture to share here?

a day out with friends sounds loveley- any specific plans?

oh thats good news about your daughter! i hope she enjoys this one and can help get her life back on track too. fingers crossed!

thank you @Former-Member for everything

thinking of you too @oceangirl@Former-Member, hoping your both going ok

Your most welcome @outlander - always here for you. That's a big step forward - seeing that it was not your fault putting the shame back firmly on the offender. Healing starts then......Not good about the emotional abuse though @outlander. That is something that can bring us down. When people don't appreciate me I move on to better things and those that do value me. Don't waste my time with the rest. You will learn that as time goes by - self preservation and self respect - recognising your true worth. It can take time when dealing with mental scars but does happen when we fight. I am a fighter - like a dog with a bone and that's why I am still here. As there where moments that nearly did me in. You will find the fighter within too. Baby steps.

I don't know your whole home situation, but have you any plans and goals with the aim of moving away from your present situation where you don't feel valued? Nothing worse in my book than being taken advantage of and not being treated properly by those around us as it derides self esteem and feeds depression in my experience. Won't say much more as I am not sure of your whole situation, but if you want to talk more I am here and all ears.

I have had to be strong to survive my friend - especially now as I just learned that my best friends husband has been rushed to hospital (he has stage 4 cancer) and the situation does not look good. He is like family to me. I have lost many people this way and sometimes it get a bit much. Being strong is sometimes all I have. And having been through too much in life - I have no tolerance to put up with crap. I know what matters and what deserves my attention and time. No time for the latter as I relish peace and have better things to focus on. My life has purpose and is a good one now. And I am genuine with no motives and am attracted to like. If somehow I discover otherwise I move away quickly. All life experience and we work out what is best for us emotionally, psychologically and physically and go for it. You will get to that stage too my lovely, I have no doubt. All in time.

My daughter is really the only one who can bring me down. With all the things I have faced that would break most people and survived - she is the one that can get to me. She is my weakness. I have no control ove here choices and the consequences - yet am afflicted by them. She can rock my world because I care too much and somehow I have to learn to step back from that. So hard as she and my husband are my whole world and all the family I have.

Intimancy will come to you in time @outlander. When you meet those special others who are meant to be and when slowly trust is nurtured before you allow anyone in......It will happen. It happened to me "when I was ready within". When I had grown within and moved forward with purpose, values and a positive vision. I had to get myself together first and find myself and purpose - it came in that order, so I did not find real genuine intimacy until my late twenties. And it has been a growth since then with ups and very real downs. Had to have real resolve and faith to get past the downs - they were devastating. I am living proof it can be done and when all seems lost a new beautiful day can be found. Hang onto hope as it's will see you through to better days.

I had a full day planned tomorrow - lunch and dinner with friends, some of them being those I work with and on the board with. But now my friend is in hospital not sure if I will venture out - it has taken the wind out of me for now. But if I don't I let others down......will see how I feel and whatnot happens tomorrow.

What are your plans for the week? 💞