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Hey Life - give me a break.

Hey Life - give me a break.

@PeppiPatty - regarding my story - it probably warrants a thread of its own. Really needing my friends@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@Determined@Former-Member@Former-Member@Anony18@outlander@Former-Member @PhoenixRising @Former-Member

Sexually assaulted at age 13. Have never told my family.

Went to uni and moved away afterwards for work so fully independent then.

Came back to my home town after a couple of years.

Had a couple of serious relationships and ended up marrying a narcissist used car dealer (say no more) Basically raised my kids by myself. At 40, he had a fling with a married 19year old who already had a two year old child. He fathered a child with her and I found out some time later when I discovered he was paying child support payments. Stayed in this loveless marriage until the kids had finished school, then divorced which was nasty and I suffered financially big time. Had loaned his business money but didn't have anything legal drawn up. He also moved a lot of money around and had an overdraft on our home.

Got into a relationship with someone who was actually interested in me and shared common interests. It was the best and worst time of my life. He fits all the criteria of BPD. Moved interstate to be with him. The relationship became volatile and he physically assaulted me. This is when I became involved with this Forum. On one occasion, a neighbour called the police and he was arrested. They saw my injuries, he admitted guilt and he was imprisoned. I stood by him all during his incarceration, funding an appeal and he was released after eight months only to be deported as he wasn't an Australian citizen. I joined up with him overseas but the assaults continued. He got sporadic help for his MI but wasn't committed to getting better.

Eventually after yet another particularly bad assault and having the police involved, I returned to Australia and that was four and a half months ago. He appears to be serious about managing his condition now, taking medication, going to support and counselling sessions and hopes that I will return. However, all trust has been obliterated. We still have contact and that can get traumatic at times.

I started off on the Carers' side but find myself on the Lived Experience team as well. I have been having sessions with a psychologist.

Thrown into the mix is my own family. They don't know what I have been through. I used to care for my father and mother, used all my holiday and long service leave, taking time off work and eventually quitting so I could be there for them. Two of my siblings also live nearby but they were more concerned about building wealth than our parents' wellbeing so it was left to me. My father passed away and when I left to be with my partner, my mother's care was transferred to them. I feel they resented my decision but for the first time in my life I felt I was entitled to pursue happiness (not that it turned out that way) The sibs shut me out and when Mum passed away recently things went from bad to worse and as Executors of her will they scattered her ashes when and where they wanted without telling me and are responsible for distributing her estate however they see fit. There was no funeral or memorial service.

I live with my daughter and my son lives with his father. I love my kids with all my heart and live for them. I have a dog (actually my daughter's) who is my constant companion. I do a lot of walking and listening to music to escape the depressing thoughts I feel. I have no idea what to do with my life now and think it's all a cruel joke.

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In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

I am beyond frustrated @utopia. I just came home from the most beautiful movie that I have ever seen - "Loving Vincent" - a story about Vincent Van Gogh's life and death which was made entirely using a series of hand painted illustrations. This movie was one I had been longing to see and the ex BPD and I were eagerly looking forward to its release. He is an artist and we share a love of galleries and classical art. I went with my daughter and it was more than I ever imagined it to be. It moved me so much that I found it overwhelming - such was its beauty.

Anyway, I open my emails and there is one from him. I was surprised as I really didn't think that he would fulfill his promise. Well, he didn't. Said it was just a courtesy one to let me know he was okay and the "real" one he wrote a while ago but wasn't confident enough to send. Wtf? Says he is shattered that I deleted the messaging app. The thing is I had blocked him because he was being difficult. Then he seemed to have improved so I unblock him but over the next two weeks he doesn't reply to my messages anyway. So what was the use of that?

Then he says that he doesn't want me to reply to his email but that he still hasn't given up on me. He says he is positive and tranquil. Well - goodie for him because right now I am 😤 fuming. It feels like he is stringing me along continuing with the manipulation he is so good at.

So yes, those clothes are going to Lifeline and I am removing every trace of him.

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

I hope they find the card you sent @Former-Member. It takes 5 days to get our mail. From 45 km away - it is sent 230km to Melbourne and then back to us. Stupid system.
I don't know if I'm improving. I'll say no. I've been drinking. Doing nothing but sleep. No walking. No cleaning. No chores. No cooking. No self care.
I seem to be waiting for something to happen. Something to wake me up, put me to sleep or motivate me to do something. Anything.
In hospital you have lots of new 'friends' people who understand and can empathise with how you are feeling. They are there, alive, you can touch them and hug them. They are real. You talk about Mental health. You talk about meds, hospital staff, group programs worth doing. You have people that will laugh with you about a mental health joke. They get it. Nobody in the real world gets it..
So you are surrounded by supportive nurses, OT's, Art and Music Therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and funny human everyday normal people, who just happen to have MI.
Then you go home to an empty house. Son doesn't really want to see you. Mum thinks if i sweep the floor, I'll feel better. My dogs would love a walk, but I cant be stuffed.
I hate it at home. I don't 'feel' happy. I feel lonely sad depressed angry irritated frustrated numb empty. But not happy.
This weekend has been hard.

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Sounds a good movie @soul,started studying psychology when younger.I think he lived opposite the cemetery his brother was buried in?Not sure.But as for your ex,think of Forest Gump, Life's like a box of chocolates,you never know what you are going to get!So true.🌹

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

@soul - he hasn't given up on you!!!! He wasn't there for you. He doesn't get to say that.
Ignore his email. Don't respond.
I'm glad you enjoyed the movie. Did your daughter like it too?

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

She did @utopia. We had a lovely night out together. Got there a bit late because she lost track of time and had to sit in the second front row right at the side. This was part of a film festival so if it is screened again somewhere, I'll go again.

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Just saw your post here @utopia. I have responded on your thread. I can see that you're doing it tough. Wish I had offered you some support earlier. I was caught up in my own misery. Give me a shout tomorrow. We'll chat some more.

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Thank you @soul

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Thanl you @Former-Member. Even though the message is gone - I got a chance to read it.

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Still feeling quite miffed at this whole "I couldn't send you an email because I'm not confident enough" stuff. I lay awake for hours last night and ended up writing a very volatile email but didn't send it. Just getting it down in words helped to relieve the stress I was feeling.

There's probably a good reason why people say you can't be friends with your ex. The thing is we did have so much in common and I miss that.

In fact, I feel extremely lonely and whilst my dog is very good company, a human would be nice to talk to now and then.

I am thinking about trying to connect with people. I used to have friends but they I don't feel as if I can relate to them anymore and I certainly don't want to talk about my life to them. I think I need to find some new people.

So how do I go about doing that? Dating websites? I'm considering it. At least I can list my interests and try to find a match with someone I can have a decent conversation with. I'd love to be able to go out and enjoy and share experiences again. I don't want to live the rest of my life alone.

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Hi @soul

How are you doing today?
I have seen you are having a difficult time at the moment and been thinking about you but never know quite what to say 😞 it sounds like you can definitely do without the manipulation of your ex. I trust you can find someone who really appreciates you and can look out for you and comfort you.

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