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Hey Life - give me a break.

Hey Life - give me a break.

@PeppiPatty - regarding my story - it probably warrants a thread of its own. Really needing my friends@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@Determined@Former-Member@Former-Member@Anony18@outlander@Former-Member @PhoenixRising @Former-Member

Sexually assaulted at age 13. Have never told my family.

Went to uni and moved away afterwards for work so fully independent then.

Came back to my home town after a couple of years.

Had a couple of serious relationships and ended up marrying a narcissist used car dealer (say no more) Basically raised my kids by myself. At 40, he had a fling with a married 19year old who already had a two year old child. He fathered a child with her and I found out some time later when I discovered he was paying child support payments. Stayed in this loveless marriage until the kids had finished school, then divorced which was nasty and I suffered financially big time. Had loaned his business money but didn't have anything legal drawn up. He also moved a lot of money around and had an overdraft on our home.

Got into a relationship with someone who was actually interested in me and shared common interests. It was the best and worst time of my life. He fits all the criteria of BPD. Moved interstate to be with him. The relationship became volatile and he physically assaulted me. This is when I became involved with this Forum. On one occasion, a neighbour called the police and he was arrested. They saw my injuries, he admitted guilt and he was imprisoned. I stood by him all during his incarceration, funding an appeal and he was released after eight months only to be deported as he wasn't an Australian citizen. I joined up with him overseas but the assaults continued. He got sporadic help for his MI but wasn't committed to getting better.

Eventually after yet another particularly bad assault and having the police involved, I returned to Australia and that was four and a half months ago. He appears to be serious about managing his condition now, taking medication, going to support and counselling sessions and hopes that I will return. However, all trust has been obliterated. We still have contact and that can get traumatic at times.

I started off on the Carers' side but find myself on the Lived Experience team as well. I have been having sessions with a psychologist.

Thrown into the mix is my own family. They don't know what I have been through. I used to care for my father and mother, used all my holiday and long service leave, taking time off work and eventually quitting so I could be there for them. Two of my siblings also live nearby but they were more concerned about building wealth than our parents' wellbeing so it was left to me. My father passed away and when I left to be with my partner, my mother's care was transferred to them. I feel they resented my decision but for the first time in my life I felt I was entitled to pursue happiness (not that it turned out that way) The sibs shut me out and when Mum passed away recently things went from bad to worse and as Executors of her will they scattered her ashes when and where they wanted without telling me and are responsible for distributing her estate however they see fit. There was no funeral or memorial service.

I live with my daughter and my son lives with his father. I love my kids with all my heart and live for them. I have a dog (actually my daughter's) who is my constant companion. I do a lot of walking and listening to music to escape the depressing thoughts I feel. I have no idea what to do with my life now and think it's all a cruel joke.

331 replies

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In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

A dating service might be a good idea @soul ..... I have friends who met and married that way. It dramatically reduced the dating pool, and it let each of them know what was important in regard to their personalities and values before they had even made contact, let alone met. Apart from anything else, the dating process can provide some nice nights out, and interesting conversation, even if it doesn't result in ongoing interaction with those you date in the process of finding someone you do choose to keep seeing.

💜

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Feeling blah. He sends me a link to a video last night - "Annie's Song" by John Denver - no message. Then an hour later, one by Bob Dylan which features "It's All Over Now Baby Blue" - strange!!

My daughter used a dating app and now has a lovely boyfriend. It might be a bit weird asking her for advice. Just worried about creepy guys who may try to meet me. I'm very wary about who I want to let into my life.

Not about to rush into anything but would like some company sometimes @Faith-and-Hope @Determined.

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

I have never used a dating sight so no idea how it works @soul but I don't imagine you have to meet someone just because they have contacted you. perhaps get a cheap prepaid phone so it is easy to cut contact if required? talk / text / email for a bit until you are comfortable.... the right person should be ok with that.

And when you are ready. 🙂

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

I'm not sure how exactly how it works either but I think that both parties have to agree before any contact can be made and then that is done through the app so no personal details are revealed. Just my understanding of it anyway @Determined. Might have to investigate further.

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Investigating further is a good start @soul ..... you can proceed, stall, take a break, what vet you want to do with it along with way, but investigating beats just sitting there wondering ..... and it's not a commitment as such ..... just investigating .....

💜

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Hi @soul
Quick wave - thinking of you.
Darcy

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Thanks @Former-Member - will update soon

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Hi @soul thinking of you...

Any more thoughts on the dating scene?

(Hope it dosent seem creepy having a guy ask that lol, just wanting to encourage and support 😊)

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

@soul
Learning to live without someone we loved is not instant, grief takes time and will not be hurried.

Sending you tender hugs.

Darcy

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Yeah .... ❤️

Hugs n hugs @soul ..... walking with you even if we are not saying it all the time.
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