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Hey Life - give me a break.

Hey Life - give me a break.

@PeppiPatty - regarding my story - it probably warrants a thread of its own. Really needing my friends@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@Determined@Former-Member@Former-Member@Anony18@outlander@Former-Member @PhoenixRising @Former-Member

Sexually assaulted at age 13. Have never told my family.

Went to uni and moved away afterwards for work so fully independent then.

Came back to my home town after a couple of years.

Had a couple of serious relationships and ended up marrying a narcissist used car dealer (say no more) Basically raised my kids by myself. At 40, he had a fling with a married 19year old who already had a two year old child. He fathered a child with her and I found out some time later when I discovered he was paying child support payments. Stayed in this loveless marriage until the kids had finished school, then divorced which was nasty and I suffered financially big time. Had loaned his business money but didn't have anything legal drawn up. He also moved a lot of money around and had an overdraft on our home.

Got into a relationship with someone who was actually interested in me and shared common interests. It was the best and worst time of my life. He fits all the criteria of BPD. Moved interstate to be with him. The relationship became volatile and he physically assaulted me. This is when I became involved with this Forum. On one occasion, a neighbour called the police and he was arrested. They saw my injuries, he admitted guilt and he was imprisoned. I stood by him all during his incarceration, funding an appeal and he was released after eight months only to be deported as he wasn't an Australian citizen. I joined up with him overseas but the assaults continued. He got sporadic help for his MI but wasn't committed to getting better.

Eventually after yet another particularly bad assault and having the police involved, I returned to Australia and that was four and a half months ago. He appears to be serious about managing his condition now, taking medication, going to support and counselling sessions and hopes that I will return. However, all trust has been obliterated. We still have contact and that can get traumatic at times.

I started off on the Carers' side but find myself on the Lived Experience team as well. I have been having sessions with a psychologist.

Thrown into the mix is my own family. They don't know what I have been through. I used to care for my father and mother, used all my holiday and long service leave, taking time off work and eventually quitting so I could be there for them. Two of my siblings also live nearby but they were more concerned about building wealth than our parents' wellbeing so it was left to me. My father passed away and when I left to be with my partner, my mother's care was transferred to them. I feel they resented my decision but for the first time in my life I felt I was entitled to pursue happiness (not that it turned out that way) The sibs shut me out and when Mum passed away recently things went from bad to worse and as Executors of her will they scattered her ashes when and where they wanted without telling me and are responsible for distributing her estate however they see fit. There was no funeral or memorial service.

I live with my daughter and my son lives with his father. I love my kids with all my heart and live for them. I have a dog (actually my daughter's) who is my constant companion. I do a lot of walking and listening to music to escape the depressing thoughts I feel. I have no idea what to do with my life now and think it's all a cruel joke.

331 replies

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In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Are you okay @Former-Member? Noticed you were up. Neither of us should be at this hour.

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Hiya @soul, can't sleep, worried I signed papers today that I didn't read. Just trusted the agent. She's been around a long time, small town, she sold me this place 15yrs ago. Anyway, I asked for a copy. Just a wake up call to be more watchful.

Mums been horrible in tx msgs too. I can't say anything right. Just trying to find out how my sis is but she won't answer that question I don't understand why it has to be so hard to be polite. And my mum ?

Reading above, it Just sank in you lost your mum so recently. I'm sorry I forgettingg things (reliving them), but you, you have it tough with the difficult 'x' recent mum loss, and now fathers day and you miss him more 😞
And you miss your son, and your daughter is stuck in 15yo mode grr. And you have depression draining from the inside... Have I got all that right? Feel for you 💜

I'm hungry! - with no gas (stove), no bread or butter, no kettle and a major aversion to going out (stuck here) - its skimpy finding something to eat, though the pantry is full and the microwave works. However... this could be good - desperately need to lose weight.
Yesterday's visitor said she'll drop off a hot plate I can borrow at 6am

Got a tx from old church asking me to attend combined service tomorrow - I don't know, so very sad there, so many sick people (genuine - cancer etc) Just don't feel to, but don't wanna give impression i don't care. I give regular, financially (reg Bpay) to the Lord through them, its emotionally I struggle with, I empathise deeply, yet still feel alone amongst them (if that makes any sense), and I come home and cry. I don't understand it, or what to do.

But no, not distressed, just can't sleep.

Hope you're not too upset this fathers day. Maybe light a candle for him. I feel nothing re my dad today, yet often havw tears - mum has always come between dad and I. I don't know how they live angry like they do. Think we both need a self care day 💜 hugs.

Almost dawn 🌞🎶🐦

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Did you fall asleep @soul ?

Hope you got a couple of hours.

I've been awake since 2.30, 3.

Nice to see daylight.

My birds have started. 🎶🐦

hugz💜

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Sorry about your family situation @Former-Member. I think parents turn into kids when they get older. Heaven forbid that happens to me. I'd rather leave the planet before that. My Mum and Dad would get jealous when I visited them as an adult. I can never remember them being affectionate or even saying anything nice to each other. Had separate bedrooms as soon as one became available.

I would visit twice a week. Dad would be waiting in the driveway to catch me and I wouldn't get upstairs for at least an hour. I would often take Mum to a coffee shop just to be able to talk to her without Dad monopolising the conversation. Later they had my undivided attention as I took each one for hospital appointments that often required waiting for hours.

And then when Dad was in aged care, we spoke for hours - well he did and I mostly listened. As his dementia worsened, the same stories would be repeated again and again ad nauseum. I'd give anything to hear them one more time. To be able to ask him some questions.

I hurt for my daughter and her non existent relationship with her crappy father. She deserved better. I wish I had chosen better for her. She's going to a Father's Day brunch with her boyfriend's family this morning. At least she gets to see what a proper family is like.

I have been looking at photos this morning. Off on my walk now. I'd serve you up some brekky when I return if I could. Up to you if you go to church this morning. Might be hard I guess.🐶🐦🐕🐦🐦🐦🐦🐧🐧

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

@soul. Sorry you are missing your dad so much. Sounds like you two were very close, expecially when he mellowed towards the end.
BPD - I don't know much about this disorder. Itay be worth asking some BPD members what they think. Is it part of the disorder? Is it hard to type emails etc sometimes? Or is he just being an ass?
Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I know that pain of having a close, blossoming friendship online. And then he just cut me off. No explanation. But I guess that's how he copes with his trauma induced MI. Still hurts like hell.
You are stuck in limbo. You can tell yourself "that's it. No more". But it won't stop you thinking of him or checking your emails.
Maybe one day soon he'll be able to express himself and explain. Until then, self care of your heart. Favourite music. Cut some flowers from the garden and bring them inside. A beautiful vase to highlight their colours. A bubble bath. Things that are good for you.
Thinking of you. ♥♡♥

In response to: Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Dad and I were only really close towards the end. He did the best he could - taking care of the family. He suffered from his own demons - PTSD from being a prisoner of war. He only shared these stories during his final years though. Must have been hard @utopia

I have researched BPD until the cows come home. Wish I knew about it before I moved in with him. Would have been very useful. Makes sense, especially the abandonment issues he had and the splitting - black and white thinking. I don't deny he suffers but then there was the violence thrown into the mix that he could control to his advantage. Says he's changed and holds out hope of me joining him again overseas. It's hard when trust has been decimated. I miss the companionship but he seems to think that every communication now must be this huge deep and meaningful monologue.

Rarely asks how I am and if I mention that I am struggling in any way, he closes down. I'm not expecting the promised email he said he was working on this weekend. Can't see how it takes two weeks to write a few paragraphs. Dunno. Some of the stuff he writes seems like it wouldn't look out of place in a romance novel. I think he fantasises a lot and struggles with reality. All I do know is that this is bogging me down.

Still have a huge bag of his clothing in my garage. Will have to take it to Lifeline. No flowers in my garden, just a lavender plant. Must book a massage. I tend not to practise self care much. Apart from yoga - yay - back to yoga tomorrow.

Hope your day is going well. Coping okay after hospital?

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Take his clothes to LifeLine @soul. Physically remove him from your home.
I don't know if violence is a part of BPD or not. Even if it is - there are courses in Anger Management. My dad did a course - & it changed him for the better. My dad was violent when I was young. He couldn't control his rage - so we (the family) copped it.
He was undiagnosed PTSD for over 20 years. He never discussed his time in Vietnam. But we heard snippets from the constant nightmares he would have.
I say, miss your friend, but cut all communication with him. Violence is a truly awful thing to live through

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Hiya @utopia ❤🐦❤

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

Hi @Former-Member. How has your day been?

In response to: Hey Life - give me a break.

Re: Hey Life - give me a break.

OK ta @utopia, just layed down to rest the back, trying to get this house looking 'normal' for inspections. Just too much stuff and I think I have a chronic fatigue thing happening (weak muscles), or am o just chronically unfit?
Rang my dad, disturbed his fav TV western. He seemed disinterested & said he didn't get my card. Which I mailed Tuesday 😞 Mums been wicked lately but was quiet when I rang.

How YOU doing? Improving since hospital?
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