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Something’s not right

When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

When everything starts crashing.

Do you ever feel like your standing infront of your self watching your world crash?

Do you feel like you are losing control but know you can't stop it and just have to let it happen?

That's how I'm feeling. I feel like I have no control and I can see everything in slow motion falling apart but I can't do anything about it.

I'm trying to keep busy and going but it's just making me manic and hardcore panic attacks and as soon as I stop I start to cry and think what's the point of life.

I reached out to friends but they don't care. They all have children and jobs now and I understand they are busy but be nice if they came over and just gave me a hug and we watch trash tv and eat cake.

My husband just keeps going ok ok ok ok ok ok ok I understand. But how can he really understand. I just don't feel supported by him. I keep telling him I'm breaking I need to slow down but he's like you will be fine.

I know I'm breaking and it's going to be a mess. And I hate I can't stop it.

I tried a new drug today. I'm scared of medication as I hate being dependent on it. I tried a quarter of what the doctor wanted me to take. I felt like I had 5 shots of Tequila and a relaxent all in one. My hands started to fly in the sky and my panic levels went crazy. So I was like no just think you have had a drink and that calmed me down but I can still feel it playing in my mind.

I feel like I can't live a functional life with out medication. I try so hard and I'm sussceding in so much of it but it's burning me out and I know this fall that's about to happen is going to set me far back. Life on pills just makes me feel dumb and slow and what type of life is that.

I'm just starting to think what type of life am I going to have?

I read an article on people with deppresion and it's like of nothing makes you happy including medication and therapy you should just live for others. That upset me so much. It's like you got no hope so help others you empty person.

This week to 5 of my friends have moved to Europe and 3 announced their pregnancy and I'm just like look at everyone moving forawd and I'm stuck and frozen. I'm trapped.

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In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

Hi @dazendanais I'm off the meds. I reacted badly to them as they are in the same family of another medication that wasn't good for me. Yea I refuse to stay on something that 6-8 weeks if it makes me feel tiered or non functionabel because it's then a whole new nightmare getting off them. I actually think the worse is stopping it.

I don't feel like I'm not supported by friends and family. I know they support me I just don't feel connected to them. They are having family's playing house and all that stuff while I'm over hear with a mental illness. So there's no way I can relate to having a child as I don't have one and as much as they studie about Bipolar they will never ever really understand it. So I just feel deep down alone and isolated.

I love cats. Dream to open a bed and breakfast when I'm old live in it in summer and have up to 12 guests at once and have lots of rescue kittens. Then in winter rent it out as a air BnB all the cats will be in nice houses and I will follow the sun.

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

What happpens if I never get better? Like I never find a pill that actually works and lets me be 100% functionalble? What do I do then? Give up on my dreams? Get new dreams that are not the dreams of my heart? Who will I be then? If I can't be me who am I? Will I have to re event myself if I can't do what I do daily?

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

And boom I have hit the floor. I hate this hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it!!!! Why the hell dose it physically hurt!!!! Why!!!! Why can't I stop it. I can see I'm going to crash but no I'm useless and can't stop it. I'm a joke of a human. Nothing is working anywhere!!!!

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

Took the plunge and booked into to see someone next week. Very nervous and not in the mood to listing that I'm different and figuring what's wrong with me.

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

Getting really nervous about my appointment. My anxiety levels are going bad.

In response to: Re: When everything starts crashing.

SwearyCynSenior Contributor

Re: When everything starts crashing.

I know how you feel, it is a tedious experience when you've done it over and over again, and it is hard to find a counsellor that you can connect with. I recently started seeing a psychologist again, it's been hard, but sometimes we just have to do it. At least then it's someone to talk to, especially if friends and family don't get it. Maybe just look at it that way, someone to help you get stuff off your chest and verbalise what's happening, get it out of your head. I wish it could mean immediate improvement! But it's all part of the process. I have my second appointment on Thursday, we can both do this. You know that you'll be in a safe place.

In response to: Re: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

Hi @Former-Member

i just came across your thread tonight and I have to tell you that you aren't alone in feeling life/friends are passing you by having kids and announcing pregnancies.

whilst I can't offer you any constructive advice at this point as I'm sort of in a similar situation, I can tell you that you aren't alone. Whilst often I feel like there's no hope for me, I do find those moments when I feel like me again and then I feel like there is some hope. Do you get those moments too?

@SwearyCyn I have just started a new psychologist too. Next session is next fri. I like him so far - I told him I don't want to talk just yet, I just want him to teach me coping strategies and mindfulness. He's on board with this idea

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

In the tea room today we got started talking about life and being a mum which I am not. We then got on the conversation about miscarriages. I told the lady's my story as I didn't know I was pregnant and had a miscarriage around 9 weeks and the doctor saying this is nothing this is not worth tears or anything, look at it it's nothing. She said you and your partner are not ready to be parents and it's a good thing it happened.

The whole room went silent and some of the ladies started crying as they thought this was the most the horrible story they have ever heard and could not believe this would happen to me. Some got red with rage and are going report that doctor. That is so bad.

Now i can't get that image out of my head of her shaking my baby saying it's nothing. Who dose that!?!!

I can't stop crying or harming myself. I feel so broke.

The visual that's in my head I can't post as it will be to upsetting but it's tearing me up so badly inside.

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: When everything starts crashing.

@Former-Member Words are not easy to find to offer you comfort, but I'm so very, very sorry you feel this way. Can you call a crisis service to help you get through this terrible time you are having

@Former-Member can you please step in and help as I really worried about CatMeowCatMeow?

In response to: Re: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

Hi @Sans911, I've been in contact. It's clearly an incredibly painful memory that has been refreshed by talking it through today. Sometimes we need to sit with these painful memories rather than push them away but only @Former-Member will know what she needs tonight.

I can't imagine having something so precious to me being treated so callously. And my own feelings dismissed with such ignorance. I hope you can be kind to yourself within the grief. Self-harm is a distraction from the real source of the pain but your body deserves better. Is your partner home to talk to?

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SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

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