Struggling to Survive

Morning @Zoe7 sorry for the delayed message back to you.

I did contact Sydney and my admission will be when my specialist returns from holidays. The feedback from them was that the specialist is aware and that was enough to ease my mind, it made me feel good knowing she was interested in my wellbeing.

I did go to Brisbane on Friday to see specialist and will see him again next week. I went outside yesterday with trouble. I've just had my 5th dose of my medication and I am feeling a little better already. It will take another 6 weeks until its had a chance to work.

Thank you for your support and friendship

Hi @Maggie

Of course you can sit with me

Afternoon @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Maggie @Phoenix_Rising @Zoe7

I know that for a couple of times this past week I have felt and been a little better but those times now seem a fair distance away. The light has gone out again and the darkness has set in. I don't care about anything and certainly don't care what happens to me - no-one else has ever cared so why should I!

Every memory I now have is negative. I try to think of good things that have happened in my life but my mind keeps reverting to those that have hurt me or caused me pain. The more I try to block them, the more prominent in my mind they become. I have run out of energy to even try - I am so tired!

I want to believe this will pass but history tells me it won't - and that is just one more thing to fear!

I have now given up that this will improve because I have been struggling like this for so long that I am completely exhausted. There is only so much that one can take until a breaking point is reached - and I have reached that point. I do not care whether I sleep anymore and I do not care that if I do I don't wake up. There is absolutely no meaning in my life and nothing is going to change that.

I feel completey drained of all hope and completely devoid of all feelings. I want this to be over and I do not care how that eventuates! I just want to be at peace and no longer hurting. So all I have left to say is what will be will be - andI hope that what will be will be the end of my pain!

Yep - pretty much @utopia I have had very few moments of seeing any hope in what seems live forever. As soon as those moments have appeared even quicker they disappear. I can't keep 'living' with this constant pain - I am barely existing and so out of touch with reality that I don't know what is real and what is 'imagined' anymore. I'm so tired and feel so worthless and hopeless.

@utopia I have an appointment with my psychiatrist later this week if I can make it. She talked about changing meds but is also worried about how to do that and the risks. She continues to say I am not 'well enough' to go back to the psychologist and she wants me to be 'more stable' before that is a consideration. Even the thought of that increases my anxiety so I definitely understand why she is saying that.

@Zoe7 @utopia ....💜💡💕

I can't cope with it @utopia - not even a little. Anytime she even asks about what has been happening I instantly shut down.

I am pleased you are heading in the right direction and have things in place for this week. It is about time you are able to have that help in place!

I will need to come off the meds I am on gradually before staring the new ones. It wouldn't have been such a problem before my GP moved practices because I could have seen her everyday to do that but now she is too fasr away for that to happen. I don't like the new place she is at and thst certainly isn't helping - I don't even want to see her there.