Struggling to Survive

@Zoe7 I am in bed and close to sleep but I am here with you. I am right here.

Hi @Zoe7,

I am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time, is there anything you can do to distract yourself to get through the moment? like cuddling toby, 5 things you can touch or feel, watching tv or writing your emotions?

or are you at the stage where you need to speak to someone, like lifeline 131114 or beyondblue 1300224636 webchat?

I am going to sleep @Zoe7 but I am still here. 🐢

@Zoe7 I'm here to listen and sit beside you if you want. You are worthwhile and you matter to me. And what would I do if you weren't here? your story, your life matters to me. Your journey means my journey has meaning, and someone understands the rough roller-coaster of emotions. Like you said the other night, pain is pain, even though it is an individual experience; to feel heard, cared for and understood can ease pain in small degrees.

@Zoe7 I love hearing stories about Toby, and Cat, which you write less about. Can you tell me more about your pets. I know they mean a lot to you. I got a rescue cat a month ago; he's a treasure sitting on my feet curled in a ball of grey fluff. I love cats, and all animals. Not really a dog person, but I think Toby is super cute and sweet. Tell me more. I love stories

@Zoe7 I always believe animals know who is their family. Well, most of the time I believe this, but it's been hard this year to pick a sweet lil kitty recommended to me who sadly was a wrong fit, and I surrendered her to the local shelter in tears & heartbreak. She was weaned much too early and not well socialised with her siblings. I don't know, perhaps she sensed my feelings and stresses, but she would end play abruptly by biting me hard and repeatedly. I would be launched upon first thing in the morning by her latching onto my face and head. I tried everything including foster care to curb her behaviour, but it just wasn't enough. I felt utterly devastated and that I had failed completely even though I realised it might not have been my fault. It didn't matter.

I waited 2months more before getting this next kitty, and the shelter have been amazingly supportive and helpful in getting the right fit.

Previously I had 2 boys, unrelated. I put them to eternal sleep 8 and 9years ago keeping my promise of not letting them suffer a minute more than necessary. My oldest and first kitty was a tiny feral who until he settled, was a brutal street fighter. Many nights and days were spent at the vet getting him patched up. He was a beautiful, handsome boy, strong and lean. My other boy was more effeminate and was often called she. He picked me after I called to deliver a pizza, and the occupants of the house opened the door to a pizza deliverer with a cat clinging for dear life to my uniform. He was poorly for most of his life and should not have lived as long as his 14years,but the love he gave and received was pure and trsnsformative. He had a cleft palate which caused major respiratory and digestive issues. He too had lots of vet visits. But the vet adored him and he was so patient and trusting. My first boy was cremated and he sits currently above my bed in a pretty box with a ceramic cat I collected in my travels to watch over him.

Your sweet kitty girl sounds amazing, and knows her Mama needs her love and purrs. Give her some cuddles and head bonus from a crazy cat lady 😀

beautiful.... @Zoe7

whats the 8 year old (ex?) fluffballs name? do you have any funny or sweet stories about things they (toby or cat) have done or things you have done together?