Struggling to Survive

I am really starting to feel like this world is too messed up to be part of, and my life is too hopeless to go on. For days, weeks, months I have suffered through both physical and mental pain. Nothing has changed. Every night the pain increases and I struggle to sleep or sleep without nightmares. If I can sleep for only a few hours the nightmares don't always happen but then I remain tired for the rest of the day - unable to function, unable to do anything, and unable to think clearly. Then getting through the next night becomes so much harder. I eventually sleep and with that sleep comes the nightmares again - and the cycle continues. It is not right what I am dealing with, it is not fair that I have to continue to struggle, and it is my fault that this is all happening - but it does not change anything knowing all this - the pain continues, the nightmares continue, the flashbacks continue, the triggers continue - so maybe it is me that shouldn't continue and then all this would be resolved!

We're all here to support you @Zoe7, I've sent you a private email as well. You're a valued member of our community.

I hear you sis @Zoe7. Your no way responsible for what happen to you, my hope for you is that you begin to heal and you find peace in your life. I am here for you when you are ready. Please talk openly and honestly with your GP and Psych, I think you need more follow up with your specialist. I am worried about you and I wish I could do more right now for you. Take Care and sending you lots of hugs and luv, my beautiful sis

I really don't know how anything is going to get any better. Months and months of the same thing and I can't see any improvement at all - infact physically I am significantly worse and that is defintiely affecting my mental state even more. I really don't want to be like this and I really don't want to continue living like this. When it comes down to it - there is nothing worth living for. I am not working becaue I can't, I have no friends around me, my family add to the pressure and stress, I can't continue to work on my house because I just do not have the energy (or money), I struggle every month to keep on top of the bills, buy food and the basic necessities, I don't enjoy any of the things I used to, and more than anything triggers seem to be everywhere. I honestly do not see a way out, a way forward or any kind of future that is different to the present - why would anyone want to continue to live in this nightmare!

What would make you feel more comfortable sis @Zoe7. You're a valuable member of this community and you have given somuch to the kids you have taught. You are a beautiful and caring person. Are you feeling at all sleepy?

There is something worth living for sis, and that is you @Zoe7. I never thought I would enjoy things again or get out of my depression but slowly I am moving forward, it has been very slow. Btw I thought we were friends and you have many friends on forumland. Focus on taking care of you atm

I'm exhausted even though I have slept on and off since late yesterday afternoon. Too many flashbacks and nightmares, feeling unwell and can't move properly without aching or getting light headed. I've eaten a little but feel sick afterwards. My head and ears are hurting and the painkillers haven't helped. I am so tired, so physically unwell and mentally not coping with everything @oceangirl

I find out on Monday about my upcoming admission, I am not sure when that will be but I will let you know when I find out. I reckon they will call me when I am the zoo but thats okay I should be able to take the call, I will let my boss know that I am waiting on a call - it will be only brief anyway.

I have trouble snuggled up beside me, she is snoring, I should adjust the pillow for her. This morning she wanted me to move over in bed, she wanted to be on the side I was sleeping on, I tried to ignore her but she gave me a few licks and she won me over and I moved so she could sleep there, I think I was con by a smart staffy dog.

Now back to you, I am here and I am listening. Let me know what I can do now to help you, I know nothing can change right at this moment but try to make yourself comfortable and ready for bed. How is your little boy and cat?? @Zoe7