Struggling to Survive

But you're not taking up space @Zoe7. You wouldn't say that to anyone else. Why think it of yourself. And being able to put your feelings down here on the forum, maybe someone's reply willl offer you that something little to help you through. You never know.

We all need a space, and this is your space @Zoe7. This is where you spew out your hatred for this MI, for these stupid meds, the stupid system. Everything. Yell it out. Scream it.

And you have friends here who want to support you anyway they can.

other than yet another med change - and being so bloody sick ALL THE TIME - the stupid nightmares and memories are so real atm @utopia I just want them to stop. Yesterday was a hard enough day then all the other sh*t is added in and it is one continuous living nightmare

I ust don't get that @Former-Member @utopia The only person in my whole life that I could truly say cared about me and supported me no matter what was my nan - and knowing she isn't around really hits me hard this time of year. and as strange as it may seem - just thinking about her triggers so much 'bad' stuff - not becsuse of her but what I am reminded of when I think of her - it is really messed up

I wish i could take away those awful nightmares and memories @Zoe7. If I could, I would. But your psychiatrist hasn't given up on you. She believes there is a way to help. To stop or reduce the severity of these memories. To get you back to feeling better and living life again.

You have survived up til now. You can survive a little longer. The meds will kick in. They will start working and things will settle down for you.

But tonight, it's hard, I understand that. So what can I do for you tonight to help you along?

Do you want to spit everything out, that is wrong at the moment?

Do you want to skip around it and just talk about it being hard?

Would you like to talk about something else that is on your mind?

Would you like to talk about gentle things?

I've slept all day, so I'll probably be up for a long time to come tonight. So I'm here.

Can you change that thinking around @Zoe7 and make it that, yes you are thinking of your Nan a lot at the moment. But that rather than bring up all those memories, the thoughts of her are to remind you that she is still around you, still here to watch over you and keep you safe.

If she was there tonight, would she be giving you a hug? Making you a hot cup of tea or coffee or hot chocolate? Would she be tucking you in on the couch and gently running her fingers over your hair, tucking it behind your ears? Holding your hand?

Can you picture her doing that for you now.

When I think about my nan I also think about my pop @utopia - and finding him and trying to revive him

I know you do sweet @Zoe7. I know. An awful memory. Very hard. But would your Nan want you to focus on that memory? Would she want you to think about other things instead?

What did you and Pop like to do together? What did you and Nan like to do together? What were her favourite flowers? Did she love Art like you do?

Nan and I would listen to music together - mostly Patsy cline and Elvis - and pop would bring us cups of tea - he made the best tea @utopia I practically lived at my grandparents house when I was younger - especially on weekends. I didn't want to be at home - no wonder hey!

Patsy Cline and Elvis @Zoe7. My dad was a huge Elvis fan. I grew up singing all his songs. He was also a fan of Connie Frances. Patsy Cline I would hear at my Grans house. Great music.

And how good that he made the best cups of tea. Imagine him bringing you one now. To help you relax. Do you have any Patsy Cline music you could listen to tonight and remember your Nan. Sing along. Cry along.