Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Yes making a commitment to self care @soul, just need to stick to it. Going to try and get involved with the local photography club in the next couple of weeks once the new semester starts. Wait and see how that goes, last time I was there (before children) it was a pretty closed group so I lost interest.

Also decided not to reduce my study load next semester (think I may have mentioned something about that in an earlier post). That was just making me resentful because I felt I had to. So I will be doing the current load but working at the uni and making myself unavailable during that time. I enjoy the study so it is not unreasonable to take the time to do that properly.

Agree it takes 2 to fight, so far so good with managing not to engage when my darling arcs up. She has so far backed down when I have refused to respond to her being upset . The real test will be when boys are back at school and I am back at uni and she will be expected to collect boys from school most afternoons.

You did exceptionally well with your studies this last semester even with all that drama going on around you so yeah - go for it @Determined. If it gives you some purpose and enjoyment I reckon you should prioritise it. The work also will be a source of fulfilment.

I remember you telling us about the photography group and how you didn't feel a part of it. Good on you for giving it another go. It's always a good idea to say something positive about someone else. Maybe admire their equipment. Stroke the ego. And ask questions. People like to think they are an expert and most like to help. Hope that goes well for you. Looking forward to seeing some nice shots here on the threads.

Yes - holidays are coming to an end and more pressure will be upon the family. Best to talk about it, the expectations and develop a routine.

Seems to be a much younger group at the camera club now @soul going by their website. Sounds harsh but the last lot were so old most of them have probably died since I was last there.

Side bonus if it works out is having a monthly assignment for competition may give me the extra motivation and inspiration to actually get out with my camera.

@Former-Member @soul @Faith-and-Hope

Went to a funeral this morning for a man in our church, not someone I was particularly close with but I did attend a bible study with him regularly and had a lot of respect for him.

I found it initially quite difficult when I noticed that his birth date was close to my fathers which took me by surprise. For some reason this triggered memories of my father who died 12 years ago missing out on the joy of grandchildren.

Emotions are always so close to the surface as I never dealt with the loss, chose to instead bury myself in work. I have mentioned this in a previous post on the anniversary of his passing but just felt the need to acknowledge him again rather than bury the emotions again.

This is the sort of thing I can't talk to my darling about because she just gets upset with me for being emotional. Have to be strong and smiling and happy all the time 😕 shortly after Dad died she actually got quite upset for me for daring to cry, couldn't handle the fact that I was falling apart when she needed my support with a new baby.

I have never told anyone this but I often feel guilty and bad for contemplating how much worse the politics and bs around differences in child raring ideas and standards would be if he was still with us. Have had big issues with mum around this and I have no doubt Dad would have made things more difficult and not respected our ideas at all. Would most likely have treated us as a joke. Makes me sad to think negatively like that when he never had a chance to find out or prove otherwise 😢 despite this he would have made an awsome pop and I can see clearly how each of our boys would have connected with him in theirnown ways.

Anyway, despite our differences I loved my Dad and believe that he loved me. Listening to the testimony of this man today has given me something to aspire to (with no disrespect intended to my Dad) with how I can better relate to my own boys. I dont want to repeat the same mistakes that my dad and his dad made. So far I am more like my own dad than I care to admit 😐. I just want to love my boys in a way that is meaningful to them.

Quite a day of reflection for you then @Determined. I constantly think about my Dad and what he would feel about certain things. My son graduating from uni last year, Trump as president, all manner of stuff. With Mum having cancer three times, I wasn't sure who would leave this world first but it ended up being my father.

He actually expressed his emotions and opinions more than Mum ever did. His love for my kids was really very special.

I'm sure your boys have enjoyed the time and experiences you have shared with them over the holidays.

Hi all,

My darling had a specialist appointment today to assess an infection she has had in her finger nails for a number of years. Turns out because she has done nothing about it the infection may have gone into the bone and may require suegery.

I actually went in with her which supprised me that she let me, it was a good thing she let me because she did not have a clue regarding some of the questions she was asked... things like previous treatment for her fingers and recent blood tests. (I cant help but wonder if this may be a memory issue due to how basic some of the questions were that she got wrong?) she had some xrays this morning and needs to go back in 1 month for a review and possible mri.

I always find situations like this morning difficult in the context of helping my darling answer questions that in some instances requires contradicting what she has said. I feel particually akward given how often I am percieved as controlling. But if I dont help out she cant possibly recieve the best possible care. On the positive side, she did not seem to mind my input in this instance.

Hi @Determined - it's always a difficult call on how much to intervene in this situation. When I took my mother or father to medical appointments, the doctor would often talk mostly to me especially in Dad's case as he suffered from dementia. The doctor would ask him how he was and he would always say he was fine even though he had a myriad of problems.

Mum sometimes thought the doctor was a bit condescending if he/she only spoke to me as if Mum didn't understand at all. I would often not maintain eye contact with the doctor and just look at Mum so the doc would be persuaded to address her. Also I would talk to my parents reminding them about something so I wasn't speaking directly for them but at the same time getting the message across.

Hopefully this infection can be treated without too much intervention.

Hi all

@soul @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope

Going to have some testing of boundaries in coming days I fear, has not been a good day and I feel we are on a down hill slide 😞

Don't know for sure so going to let it go but I think we may have had an incident with some prn med this afternoon. She assured me it was taken as prescribed but slept for couple of hours after taking it, have not noticed this affect before, and it was taken in the midst of a tantrum.

I actually walked out of the house this morning which diffused a unravelling situation. At least in the way I was being spoken to. When she left to take S1 to school S2 asked was mummy going back to hospital 😔

I am actually glad to have a meeting out of town all day tomorrow and will have my phone turned off for most of the day. Have filled MIL in and ensured she will be around if needed. If she hears too much racket she will come over and check things out, would usually ignore it unless asked for help or call to check on things.

It doesn't help that I feel more agitated at the moment myself, possibly due to a new med I am trialing that the pdoc insisted I try. Have another week to go before I go back for a review.

Beginning to be concerned with how I will go again this semester if things are already starting to heat up. Yes there are a lot of small things going wrong at the moment (like blocked septic lines) but that is life, there is a fix in progress for each of the identified problems but because they cant all be fixed now instantly we cant cope... if there were no problems we would create some just to be sure.

I have just been offered a great opportunity, subject to an application process, by the university, something that I may need to pass on due to not being able to fully commit? Hard nit to be resentful at times like this and then respond to situations in an unhelpful manner. Working hard on my own bad attitude at the moment .