Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Thank you @soul @Former-Member

Things seem to be holding steady at the moment. Still feel like I am on eggshells most of the time but managing with some gentle reminders of boundaries.

It would seem that my new councillor gets all the kudos for the new boundaries which sems to have taken a lot of heat off me. After todays appointment my darling asked how it all went and finished up with 'plotting and scheming against me I suppose' . 😅 well we did spend the whole hour talking about how I can remain firm in the new boundaries identifying where my weaknesses are.

I have wondered even before that if there has been less resistance than expected because I have someone backing me up?

There has been a little testing attitude wise (nothing like I was expecting, or even the councillor was expecting) but I have been shutting it down (as lovingly as I can) straight away and refusing to engage in heated discussion.

The other thing that did not register with me as such but the councilor identified as undermining and manipulation of boundaries is there has been a lot of sweetness. (Out of character for my darling) particularly displays of affection in public. I will enjoy it while it lasts but also be careful not to let it affect my judgement. 😊

The big test will be when I go back to uni and work and am not in tap to hold everything together. (That will be 3 full days a week when I am making myself uncontactable).

In the mean time we have some nice family outings planned for the school holidays. Heading out if town for a day trip to visit family at the end of the week, will be 6 hour of travel round trip but the children travel well and we do lots of silly little games that make the children happy. Captive audience 😉

No boat yet soul, aiming to get it running tomorow and head out on Wednesday. Got battery charged over the weekend, need to pump the fuel tank out tomorrow (wasnt kèn on pumping fuel while charging the battery) and give it a service. We were down at the coast today and the weather was perfect.... forecast for Wednesday is also great somlooking forward to it.

@soul I also wanted to second everything @Former-Member said above

New development with children @Former-Member @soul @Faith-and-Hope

S1 over the past week has started talking about hearing voices in his head 🤔

Putting it down to an over active imagination at the moment... so far he is only hearing someone calling his name. He was moaning about it this morning telling us how annoying it was. May mention it to the gp when I get S2 in for his visit (to discuss a possible mental health care plan). Something else to keep an eye on.

@Former-Member,

Looked at some of your links (24 june page 3)

All very helpful thank you, particularly 7 deadly emotions of care giving, gives me some insight into areas for improvement. (Resentment being at the top of the list but can certainly relate to each of the others .

Thank you @Former-Member. I guess helping others averts my attention from what invades my mind. It gives me a sense of purpose. I'm sure you know what I mean.

Wow - it's never a dull moment at your place is it @Determined? Happy to hear that you are having some success with the boundaries thing even though your Darling feels like you and the counsellor are conspiring against her. It must be really difficult to always be on guard and having to monitor what you say or do.

Feeling sad for you that these affectionate overtures are seen as manipulation. Stand firm. It's not easy to change behaviours that have been in place for a long time. It is very possible that things will blow up as a form of resistance but if you are consistent, they will get better.

I get what you mean about things being less stressful because you are more available at the moment and with the kids on holidays, it's easy to play at one big happy family - not that there's anything wrong with that. Quite the contrary - enjoy this time together and make some wonderful memories. When life gets busy again, expect some tension but over these couple of weeks keep working on those boundaries and the transition will be smoother I hope.

It must be a big concern for you about S2's new behaviour. Of course you would be hyper vigilant about anything out of the ordinary. Hopefully it's just a temporary and minor thing.

Try to relax and organise some time for you to do something for yourself.

Hi @Former-Member, appreciate the links, reading relevant materials helps me to focus and identify areas of improvement for myself. So definitely an encouragement in that way and much appreciated. If I can identify some of these emotions and address them I will be better able to support my darling and our family.

Two key emotions for me are definitely resentment over everything I have lost... key being sacrificing my career but also health. I often wonder if I will ever make it back to full time employment. Especially when i cant even manage a part time study load.

And guilt... in my own mind I wonder if I make things out to be worse than they are. So then comes the guilt for thinking that way (making my darling look worse than she is). In reality (according to my new councillor) our situation is worse than I let on. Acceptance being the key here.

Appreciate all the advice and support you provide. And everyone else here. Really appreciate this space and everyone here.

LoL @Faith-and-Hope

It could be an echo for him because people are always calling his name.

Unfortunately due to his disability think before you act is not one of his strengths. With support from his school we have come a long way in this area however 😊 and he has always tried hard. His heart is in the right place and he means well in everything he does, just often misses the mark on expectations.