Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

@soul I have been asked by my mother in law if I knew about my darlings mi would it have made a difference, (even her parents didn't realise how bad she actually was before we were married). My answer has always been a resounding no! I saw my darling for who she was, basically I was blind to any of her faults.

After the last couple of months I'm not as confident any more. I suppose I would still think that with the right love and care I could still make a difference. I think the best I could hope for if is that I might have responded to things differently but the more I read about bpd the more I think it was going to be hard no matter what i did.

I think one reason symptoms were kept in check before she left home is that her mum kept her on a pretty short leash when it came to unacceptable behaviour . This gives me some hope with our new boundaries that I am trying hard to out in place,

I dont think I am anything special for stickig at it, just stubborn and not a quitter. One of the key things that got us through the first 12 months (and I have to admit I considered giving up as early as that) was that I am not a quitter and was not going to be in the statistics of people who couldnt make it to their first anniversary, have seen a few of those and I can still see my dads leering face and hear his voice teling me it was one more thing I couldn't get right.

Probably not the right reason for staying in a relationship but hey I will hang on to what ever it takes at any given time. I like believe loving my darling makes it possible to hang onto silly things like that rather than looking at it in a negative way of just doing it because I have to.

Once children came along it gave me additional drive to hang in there for their sakes. Embarrassingly one of my thoughts after we found out my darling was pregnant was along the lines of adding another 10 years to the sentence (youngest was 8 at the time).

No offense taken re yournchildren and their potential partners, I would not want any of my boys having to endure what I have either .... but at the same time my darling is worth it if ever I can reach her. With the benifit of hindsight I would certinally be giving my boys all the advice and support I can, more likely though I will be having to give their future wives that support and advice 🤔😞

@Determined - that last sentence made me audibly and wearily sigh. I do so hope that things will head in a very positive and healthy direction for your family and in that regard minimise any possible influence that may hinder or diminish your sons' chances at rewarding and happy relationships.

You're right in that once children are involved there is that added incentive to make things work. @Faith-and-Hope - I often think that my kids are the only thing that kept me in my marriage. Apart from the very early times when we were renovating an old house together, my ex husband and I never did anything together. He was a very narcissistic man not only to me but to his children as well. I like to think that they are 99% me rather than him 😆. I virtually raised them on my own in any case so he had little influence in them. I too, persevered, even though we lived virtually separate lives until the kids were independent and I left.

I guess if there at least some good memories and happy things still occurring and an opinion that there will be better times ahead, a relationship is worth pursuing. I seemed to luck out in that department.

@soul, we at least have the benefit of knowledge and can work with our children from this early age. My main concern for S2 in particular given his likeness to his mum is the genetic factor. (There is a definite link with mi in my darlings family) Add to that the non-harmonious home life doesn't set him up very well unfortunately, what he does have going for him is we as parents are aware and can do something about it giving all of our children the best tools we can to cope,

I always hold on to the hope of better times ahead but for the moment am making the most of what we have and doing my best to find and focus on the positives. We are blessed in so many ways, I just need to remember and be thankful for that 😊

Hope you and the kids and your Darling are enjoying the school holidays. Perfect weather. Did you get the boat going @Determined?