Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

A little bit worried about my darling at the moment.

She received a message this afternoon from a former friend wanting to catch up. (One of the cows that cut contact with her for no reason). It is causing her some anxiety contemplating the motives but at the same time the friendship meant a lot to her so she doesn't want to just write it off.

My concern is that if the motive is not genuine (and I can't see how it can be) that my darling is too fragile to navigate another rejection and we will be back to square 1. I honestly believe that the rejection of these people with no explanation was a significant contributing factor to the crisis that we have been in for most of this year .

I know I need to give my darling the opportunity to work through this in her own way and just be there to support her as necessary but it is hard not to be over protective .

Thoughts anyone?

I would suggest that she talks it over with her counsellor @Determined ....... hopefully they will ask the right questions to put the perspective on it that it needs.

She is not currently seeing a councillor, decided the last one was useless and refusing to go back, next pdoc appointment is 2 weeks away and she has already agreed to meet with this woman next week. Hopefully she will actually discuss it with the pdoc when she sees him .

Im finding it hard to be objective in my advics at the moment which is not at all helpful for my darling.

@Determined .... sometimes objective and subjective arrive at the same conclusion anyway .....

@Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope

I would sincerely like to drop by and ask the lady what her intentions are and 'why now' ? That would be hard however without revealing or at least hinting as to how unwell she has been. Something that my darling does not want them to know.

I thought it was around 12 months but my darling tells me it has been well over 18 months since she has been acknowledged.

I am convinced that it is little more than a fishing expedition... someone they both know saw her recently and commented on her weight loss asked about her health. Gossip mill alive and well is my opinion.

thinking of you and your darling @Determined

@Determined

this is a delicate situation for you...

have you asked your darling what she liked about this person when they were friends....try approaching it from a different perspective...

your darling might then trust her own feelings and work it out for herself...you can tell her that you would love to listen if she wants to think out loud....

I definitely do understand your concern because sadly there are some terrible females out there...

I think that it is important for your darling to feel that she made her own decision...thinking about it for herself...as well as discussing with you and you not advising just listening...

sorry don't mean that to sound as it reads....the one thing that I struggle with when I am unwell and or unable to make a decision without stressing is. .....my family trying to advise me...make suggestions when they do not get mental illness...my husband tells me this time and time again...

I respond with I just need you to listen....hug me after...hold me...let me be me..this is such a hard concept to grasp when a person does not have mental illness themselves...I get that...

I know for me I cannot find the words that will justify the intensity....

I feel for my husband....I feel for all of you who are carers also....

Was it a deliberate "cutting-off" @Determined People's lives are so busy and they seem to catch up with large intervals, or maybe I am too forgiving??

There is some wisdom to be wary of the gossip mill, but of course I have no idea.

Putting out feelers is sensitive.