Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

🎉 for sleep @Determined .....

Yes, do pace yourself.

Watching S2 this morning, he is trying hard and pretending to be ok but I dont think it would take much to tip him over the edge at the moment. Going to be an interesting week at school next week I fear.

Hi @Determined

Just came across your thread - sorry to read that your wife has taken a backward slide. Please don't overdo the visits and travel but know your limitations and stay with it. As hard as it is, hold onto your own personal goals fulfilling them as much as you can as well. Don't neglect the other important member of the family - you.

Absense does make the heart grow stronger - it doesn't hurt us to miss our loved ones for a bit, but can help us appreciate them and life the more. A good thing. Yes your wife needs support but also needs to learn to work this out herself on her own to feet as well or nothing will change.

For me reassurance knowing I am loved and not alone helps together with doing what I need to to help myself in a postive way to beat depression and anxiety. This balance was needed for me to heal - co-dependency will keep enabling a downward spiral as the sufferer will continue to feel a sense of inadequacy and inability to cope with life on their own, giving into this with good intentions may only serve to empower their manipulation of others. I learnt this with my daughter by doing too much for her and giving into her threats of Sh and demands. She now no longer does the latter as I stepped back ( she still has a lot of issues to work out herself though which only she can choose to do herself).

As hard as it is don't give this behaviour too much attention for their own good. Take a little step back whilst letting her know you still love her. Pay attention to the positive steps and activities your wife does instead, and really listen to her when she talks saying little. They have to work it out - well meaning advice will usually be taken the wrong way.

I hope your son is okay. I remember as a child being very resilient but when it got too much I would either numb out (withdraw) or act out rebelliously. Two signs indicating children need to express their fears and grief.

Please get the rest and plenty of sleep as you will need all the strength you can muster. Thinking of you. 🤗

P.S. @Determined - if you believe this is also hormone related perhaps discuss with wife about eventually seeing an independent specialist for either peri-menopause or post natal. Even though there are pre-existing mental health issues, hormonal imbalance can escerbate maddening anxiety and depression making the sufferer feel overwhelmed ( I went through this). Something to look at closely if only to rule out 😊

Thanks @Former-Member, she has a referral to a specialist for different reasons, hoping they will be looking into hormone imbalance there. Wait and see.

One more thing I have to sort out when she comes home. She wont make the appointment for hrrself.

We went to visit mh darling this afternoon, she is a lot better. She has improved enough to be moved out of the fish bowl and into a normal room. Still quit close to the nurses station but a little more privacy. One of the nurses mentioned to me this afternoon that she has been on 15min checks until now.

She enjoyed our company and the boys had a great time but I found it extremely stressful and draining due to the boys behaviour. Would have been fine out in the paddock but completely unacceptable in a hospital visiting area. Each time I tried to quietly address it one in particular got loud an argumentative, somthing that really upsets my darling so I just had to let it go. Will be having discussion tomorrow when I am less emotional about it.

I am also a little anxious as it looks like she may be coming home on Tuesday. While in many ways this is great as she is not in immediate danger of sh any more ho long will it last. I think that this afternoon is proof that I don't have the capacity to deal with any hiccups.

Will be calling the drs office first thing Monday to request a group meeting to discuss an emergency plan. Somthing I was denied last time 😡

I have told my darling that if she wants to come home this soon she needs to support me in this because the pdoc wont do it without her agreeing to it (based on last time).

Wishing you a good week @Determined.

Thanks @soul

You too....