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Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

DeterminedSenior Contributor15 June 2017, 5:56 pm AEST

Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

This discussion is a follow on from my previous thread Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family, a thread I started when my wife was admitted to hospital for the third time in 6 months and when everything around me seemed to be falling apart. It was a space where I could vent and express my emotions and helped me to process a particularly difficult time not only in my own life but for our family and helped me to hold myself together in order to support my family. For that I am most grateful.

Those of you who were following our journey will know that on my darlings return home I have been encouraged by my councillor to implement some loving boundaries, (lovingly implemented guidelines, not as rules to be enforced), and some self-care for myself.

Now that my darling is home the purpose of this new thread is to document our journey of healing and implementing new boundaries and commitment to self-care, not only so that I can have a visual plan for myself (a bit of self-accountability to follow through with plans in place) but in the hope that it may help others processing similar trials. It will also be an opportunity to track our progress over time.

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In response to: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

soulSenior Contributor27 July 2017, 2:13 pm AEST

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Can't imagine what you are going through @Determined. Trying to be all things to everybody and have nothing left for yourself. Did you get any indication about how long your Darling will be in hospital for?

Please take care of yourself, even if it's just a little bit. No use you falling to pieces.

In response to: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

DeterminedSenior Contributor27 July 2017, 2:23 pm AEST

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

No timeframe at the moment @soul
Doc and nurse have only said as long as it takes.

In response to: Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

soulSenior Contributor27 July 2017, 2:37 pm AEST

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

I know it's breaking your heart but think carefully about how you are going to divide your time between visiting, looking after the boys and your uni commitments @Determined.

There must be all sorts of anxious thoughts racing through your head. Wish there was something more I could do.

In response to: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor27 July 2017, 2:43 pm AEST

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

My advice @Determuned ? While your darling is being cared for in hospital, prioritise yourself and the boys as if you were a single dad, and let your parents help you. Your darlings mum can help support her in hospital and liars with you.

One person can only stretch so far, and if you are not careful, you will be needing care too, and the boys will have to be looked after by their grandparents. Forget the guilt, and prioritise according to practicality because this is a marathon, not a sprint ..... and you need a workiable default to be ongoing and as effective as "normal" family life, if not moreso.

I am telling myself this along with telling you btw .....

💜

In response to: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

DeterminedSenior Contributor27 July 2017, 3:35 pm AEST

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Thanks @soul. @Faith-and-Hope
This time around I will only be coming to visit 2 or 3 times a week.
Not because I dont want to visit but because I am not physically able to keep up with all the travel. Still have not recovered from the last effort.

Currently seriously considering pulling out of uni for the semester but my fear is that if I do that I will not have the get up and go to get started again. I am that flat that uni is all that is keeping me going at the moment.

If I dont keep busy and distracted I spend too much time dwelling on how much life sux (perception based in current circumstances) and end jp in a big black hile of my own. No good to my darling and boys then 😞

Will work out with both mums what they can do to help tonight and tomorrow.

In response to: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

DeterminedSenior Contributor27 July 2017, 4:48 pm AEST

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Time for the long drive home.
Pdoc was supposed to be back here an hour ago but have not seen him.
Prob would have sent me out again anyway.

Not looking forward to the drive home alone and dreading tonights discussion with our beautiful boys. Going to really devastate S2
Will have to try and compose myself on the drive home.

In response to: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

soulSenior Contributor27 July 2017, 4:54 pm AEST

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

😢💕 and a snack 🍌

In response to: Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

DeterminedSenior Contributor27 July 2017, 8:54 pm AEST

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Well I made it home ok. Had a good cry along the way but was able to compose myself for when the children arrived home with my mum. The boys recieved the news far better than I expected. They are still upset but didnt fall apart like I expected. I think S2 has been expecting it poor little man.

MIL is taking bub for the morning while I am at work. Big help.

In response to: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Unknown userMember27 July 2017, 9:08 pm AEST

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

@Determined ...

In response to: Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

soulSenior Contributor27 July 2017, 9:14 pm AEST

Re: Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Man - what a day @Determined. Are you buzzing along on adrenaline or exhausted? Try to get some decent rest tonight so you can function reasonably well for work tomorrow. Glad that your older two are okay. Sort of sad that they seemed to accept it like it was normal. Maybe they have no real idea what normal is.

I'm happy that you do have this work as it will act as a distraction for you. It's going to be a difficult time for all the family. I had really hoped that after the recent hospitalisation, things would have turned the corner.

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